Essays: Advice for rewrites

Drafts (Editing notes) l I put the code sheet on the class website.  l Mollysclass.pbworks.com (on the front page) l Note: l PM (I used PM on a few papers to illustrate the paramedic method.) *Remember to include your Works Cited page or References page at the end. *Introduce the Full Title (year) of the story the first time, and then include the movie or comic on the Works Cited page.

l General comments: l Careful with pronouns in topic sentences l Be specific: Are you describing the plot, qualities of the hero, actions of the hero, or attitudes of the hero? Or are you describing attitudes of society? Are you explaining what the plot means? Etc. Etc. Be specific.

The thesis and support/analysis

State thesis directly as a central argument (not a topic) l Original: This essay will discuss how the hero represents Japanese respect for nature. l Revised: Both the main premise of the storyline and the attitudes the hero expresses about the material world reveal an deep respect for nature which can be tied to traditional Shinto beliefs.

Thesis—not to narrow and not too broad l *Think through your central argument (and the break down of the main idea in your body paragraphs.) l Then go back and look at thesis to make sure thesis covers all main ideas in your body paragraphs. 

Thesis—not to narrow and not too broad l Body 1: The setting: no power; The main plot: get hero’s brother. The characters: survive with their brains and physical strength l Body 2:The villains’ goal: Restore the power for control and weapons. l Body 3: Minor subplots show a hidden desire to get power back. Which is a better thesis for those main supporting arguments in body? Choose Thesis 1) or Thesis 2). l 1) The show Revolution set in a world without power represents American's disillusionment with technological developments. l 2) The show Revolution set in a world without power represents American's disillusionment with technological developments, while Americans continue to secretly hope for the best from technology.

Support and Analysis (for revision) Go back to the story and use a specific scene or a specific quote from a scene to support your ideas. Don't forget to analyze why??? why??? what does it Mean? Symbolize? Represent? **Make the connections for the reader (make the implicit explicit.) How to use a scene as support with analysis? *First describe the what happened. **Then tell the reader what it means. 

Match #1, #2, & #3 to main point (argument); description; and analysis For example: l 1. The TV show Revolution (2012) shows that women are not dependent on men. l 2. For example, when the general's son follows the young hero, she is alone, and she not only beats him but shows chains him to a post. l 3. As the scene shows, by defeating a male opponent alone, the female teenager does not need to depend on men to survive even in a violent world. Moreover, by chaining the general's son to the post and leaving him perhaps to die, the scene further sends the message that independent survival for women exists outside of a traditional female roles such as nurturing.

Match #1, #2, & #3 to main point (argument); description; and analysis For example: l 1.Main point: The TV show Revolution (2012) shows that women are not dependent on men. l 2.Supporting evidence (description of ‘what happened’: For example, when the general's son follows the young hero, she is alone, and she not only beats him but shows chains him to a post. l 3.Explain what it means (Make the implicit explicit): As the scene shows, by defeating a male opponent alone, the female teenager does not need to depend on men to survive even in a violent world. Moreover, by chaining the general's son to the post and leaving him perhaps to die, the scene further sends the message that independent survival for women exists outside of a traditional female roles such as nurturing.

Presentation Follow-up (first round) Great job! **Review the speech outline handout (online) to organize your presentations. Let's review a few points together.

Presentation Advice: Content/Organization Start with a short hook. (get interest) EX: “Move over Spice Girls, there’s a new breed of girl in town, and when she says “power”, she means business.” (1ST sentence of “Brave New Girls”) Hook example: What do you think?? Ytm8uEo5vU (& See Rice U on class website too) The Spice Girls, 1990’s Celebrities

Thesis (or Preview) Today I will talk to you about the difficulty of getting a good education in the US. (Topic). I will look at the three problems of getting a good education in the US and suggest 3 possible solutions. (Preview)

Content/Organization: The Body (Advice for using PowerPoint presentations)*Not required for this speech—so FYI!!! Don’t organize your speech by the number of slides. “Okay now let’s look at the next slide.” “Okay now to move onto the next slide” INSTEAD: Organize your speech by the 3 main points (and the supporting details.) ***AND: Use the transition words (signposts) to show your main points.

Example First: Make your main point Then support it with data and examples. Okay, to move onto the second reason that college students in the US have an easy life compared to Japanese college students, American students do not need to spend as much time on grooming as the typical Japanese female college students. (Main idea) For example, when I was in Japan, I spent two hours a day on grooming, but in the US I spend two hours a week. (support)

Example from Brave New Girls: Paragraph 10: Main argument: Buffy is fighting back against sexism faced by all teenage girls. ▫Example 1: Her boyfriend suddenly goes “cold shoulder” after they sleep together. Buffy doesn’t get mad she gets even. Avenges pain in a direct manner. ▫Example 2: Protects her friend

Delivery and Clear Speaking Delivery: *Great! Don’t be afraid: 1.*USE YOUR VOICE AS A TOOL. ▫Vary speed. ▫Use emphasis and pauses more. 2. *FACE AUDIENCE. 3. *HOLD GAZE LONGER, ESPECIALLY ON SIDES. First, let’s look at eye contact…..

Eye contact—which one is best, why? Eye contact: %20University%20Speech%20Skills%20Page

Obama Speech 1) Note: Aspects of good delivery INCLUDING eye contact? 2) Note: Pauses 3) Note: # of times he said “American”