Peer Mediation Training

Conflict Mediation Program Working It Out Together

WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT IN TRAINING: 1. To learn that each conflict offers a chance to learn and grow when a “win- win” resolution is found. 2. To learn and practice the six stages of conflict mediation. 3. Facilitators who give their best effort.

WHAT FACILITATORS EXPECT FROM YOU: 1. Willingness to learn and pay attention. 2. Agreement to practice non-violent conflict resolution in your own life. 3. Follow the model of conflict mediation presented to you.

AS A MEDIATOR, YOU WILL: Help students peacefully find solutions to their conflict. Be a good school citizen who can solve problems without violence. Be an honest, trustworthy, respectful, and responsible, person. Show fairness and caring in mediation by not taking sides and showing appreciation to others. Act responsible in mediation by working hard and listening well. Maintain confidentiality about what happens in mediation sessions.

WHAT MEDIATORS DO NOT DO: Mediators do not solve problems for other students. Students with problems are responsible for their own problems and solutions. Mediators do not act as police officers. If a physical conflict occurs, mediators get involved only by getting help from an adult and following approved safety procedures. Keep secret information about a person who intends to harm themselves or others.

TALE OF TWO DONKEYS

PERCEPTIONS My wife and my mother-in-law

A photographic version of the old hag or young woman image

A vase or head to head?

Can you see a dog in this jumble?

What is this? A beggar or a face?

A male representation of the old hag / young woman

An Indian or an Eskimo?

Duck or Rabbit?

How many people can you see in this picture?

What do you see here ? A donkey or a seal ?

Do you see an old man or a kissing couple ?

Can you see the three hidden faces?

One face or two ?

Saxophone player or a woman's face ?

COMMUNICATION IS: (1)What you say (15%) & (2)How you say it! (85%)

Rules For Being A Good Listener Listen as if you were in the other person’s place. This will help you better understand what the person is saying and how he/she feels. Show you understand and care with verbal and nonverbal behavior –Tone of voice –Facial expressions –Gestures –Eye contact –posture

More Rules For Being A Good Listener Restate the person’s most important thoughts and feelings Do not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not begin to talk about problems you have or bring up similar experiences of your own.

Non-Verbal Listening Skills stands for “Ready” and “Relaxed”. Good listeners clear their mind of almost everything except what the speaker is saying stands for “Open”. An “open” stance means looking like you are open to hearing what is said. stands for “Lean Forward”. To show your interest in what another person is saying, lean forward a little. Shows that you care. stands for “Eye Contact”. Eye contact shows a person that he/she is important. stands for “Square”. When sitting or standing to a person speaking with you, keep your shoulders and the rest of your body squarely facing the speaker.

Active Listening Techniques STATEMENT TYPES PURPOSETO DO THISEXAMPLES Encouraging To convey interest To encourage the other person to keep talking. -Don’t agree or disagree. -Use Neutral words. -Use varying voice intonations “Can you tell me more?” “I wonder if…” “Please continue…” Clarifying To help you clarify what is said. To get more information. To help speaker see other points of view. -Ask questions -Restate wrong interpretation to encourage speaker to explain further. “When did this happen?” “What I hear you saying…” “What did the other person say?”

STATEMENT TYPEPURPOSETO DO THISEXAMPLES Restating Shows you are listening and understanding. To check your meaning and interpretation - Restate basic ideas, facts. “So, you would like your parents to trust you more, Is that right?” “Could this be what’s going on, you…” Reflecting To show that you understand how the person feels. To help the person evaluate his/her own feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else. - Reflect the speaker’s basic feelings. “You seem very upset.” “Perhaps you’re feeling sad.” “You sound angry.” Summarizing Reviews Progress Pull together important ideas and facts To establish a basis for further discussion. - Restate major ideas expressed including feelings “Let me see if I understand you…” “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed…”

Communication Leads “What I hear you saying…” “You feel …” “From your point of view…” “It seems to you…” “From where you stand…” “As you see it…” “You believe…” “You’re… (identify the feeling: angry, sad, overjoyed, etc.)” “I’m picking up that you…”

Having trouble perceiving clearly? Try one of these phrases! “Could it be that…” “I wonder if…” “I’m not sure if I’m with you, but…” “What I guess I’m hearing is…” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but…” “This is what I think I hear you saying…” “Let me see if I understand: you…”

Signs of Increasing Anxiety (Non-Directed) Leg Jiggling Hair Pulling or Twirling Finger Tapping Toe Tapping Squirming in seat Curling or Moving Lips Clenching Jaw Clenching Fist

Mediators Responses: Provide support through listening. Use tone control. Model coping strategies. Conduct a visual check of safety risks. Provide support through listening.

Signs of Increasing Anxiety (Directed) SarcasmIncidental name calling (ex: “If he wasn’t such a pig”) Speed of Talking Changes Tone of Voice Changes Refusal Questioning Standing instead of Sitting Posturing with Arms of Legs in Threatening Pose

Mediator Responses: Continue to provide support when appropriate If rule violations continue or if a mediator feels uncomfortable, then call a time out. Exit the room separately using furniture and walls for safe barriers. Provide appropriate supportive limit setting (ex: “I really hope you can work out this conflict here. To do so, I need to remind you of the no-interrupting rule.” Adjust chair at slight angle to disputants (each mediator should do this)

Signs of Verbal Acting Out Name Calling Intimidating Threatening Demanding

Mediator Responses: Provide firm and immediate limit setting. For Example, “John, one of the rules of mediation is no name calling or put downs. We need your agreement to stop name calling before we can continue.” When tensions are high or the risk of physical acting out is increased, you may call a time out.

Signs of Physical Acting Out Hitting Kicking Pulling Clawing Biting Grabbing Throwing any object that is intended to harm another individual.

Mediator Responses: Observe which disputant is “losing”. When activity momentarily subsides, call “losing” disputant’s name and give firm command to leave the room. Developed by Ken Newbury, Ph.D. Do not attempt to pull disputants apart. Call for help and remove potentially dangerous objects in room.

Stage I: Introduction & Ground Rules Introductions are made Get VERBAL yes/no to ground rules 1. Remain Seated 2. No Interruptions 3. Respect each other – no put downs Confidentiality and Neutrality explained Explain the 6 phases Notes may be taken & time out may be used Any Questions?

Stage II: Telling the Story Introduce stage two Mediators ask one disputant to: “Please tell your side of the story.” (mediators use active listening skills- good eye contact, acknowledge, open- ended questions, paraphrase, and thank you!) Mediator summarizes first disputant’s story & thanks Mediator asks the disputant: “How do you feel about the problem” Mediator reflects on first disputants’ feelings & thanks Mediator repeats this process for second disputant

Stage III: Understanding the Problem Introduce stage three Mediators direct participants to talk to each other (keep disputants focused and within the ground rules) Ask the first disputant: “What does ____ say the problem is?” Ask the second disputant: “Is this correct?” Repeat this process with the second disputant Ask the first disputant: “How do you think _____ feels?” Repeat this process with the second disputant Ask: “Do each of you understand how the other feels?” (if either says NO, repeat stages II & III)

Stage IV: Identifying Solutions Introduce stage four Explain that each person will come up with solutions to solve the problem Alternate asking each person for solutions Write down ALL solutions If disputants get “stuck”, ask, “What do you need to solve the problem?” or “What can YOU do to help solve the problem?” Read back solutions, one by one. Ask each person if they agree after you read each solution. Ask: “Are there any more solutions to be added?”

Stage V: Resolution Introduce stage five Re-read the agreement Write down all solutions agreed upon on contract Have both parties sign the contract Both mediators sign the contract Explain the contract will be available for review later

Stage VI: Departure & Follow-Up Thank parties for choosing mediation Tell Participants: “We will follow up with you in a few days to see how your solutions are working out.” Remind students about CONFIDENTIALITY! Mention Re-Mediation Option Ask for any final questions Depart mediation in an approved safe way Give contract to Miss Wise and receive pass back to class

Personal Safety Conflict Mediators NEVER get involved in a physical conflict. Mediators always get help from an adult.