11 REVISING!!! Let’s make those essays shine! 4/13/10

First Person vs. Third Person 22 First Person vs. Third Person Reason A Paragraph: (Expensive) I want to reform uniform rules because they are expensive. The economy is very bad right now and my family can’t afford it. I go to Wal-Mart because it’s cheaper but it still costs at least $15 an outfit. Also the clothes from that store wear out faster so it ends up costing more money. I also have to buy regular clothes for the weekend, so then I need twice as many clothes. Then it gets even more expensive. My family could be spending money on more important things instead, like vacations, nice dinners, or items for the house. Therefore, uniforms should not be mandatory because they are so expensive. 4/13/10

Third Person: It rocks! Reason A Paragraph (Expensive) 33 Third Person: It rocks! Reason A Paragraph (Expensive) School uniform rules should be reformed because uniforms can be very expensive. Especially because of our economy today, many families have trouble affording them. These families may choose to buy uniforms from Wal-Mart or other discount stores, but sometimes they end up spending more because these clothes wear out faster. In addition, students do not wear uniforms outside of school. They need a second set for after school and weekends, which ends up costing more money. Instead of spending so much on clothes, families could save for more important things such as vacations, nice dinners, or household items. Therefore, uniforms should not be mandatory because they are so expensive. 4/13/10

44 Sample Essay: Intro Most public elementary schools have strict dress codes, but Alta E. Butler takes this one step further. Butler students are required to wear school uniforms almost every day. Administrators feel this helps with behavior and adds to school safety. Still, there are many reasons why students should not have to wear them. Uniforms at Butler should not be mandatory because they are expensive, they are not fashionable, and they take away from students’ creativity. Background Opponents Counteract Thesis 4/13/10

55 Reason A: Expensive Topic Sentence School uniform rules should be reformed because uniforms can be very expensive. Especially because of our economy today, many families have trouble affording them. These families may choose to buy uniforms from Wal-Mart or other discount stores, but sometimes they end up spending more because these clothes wear out faster. In addition, students do not wear uniforms outside of school. They need a second set for after school and weekends, which ends up costing more money. Instead of spending so much on clothes, families could save for more important things such as vacations, nice dinners, or household items. Therefore, uniforms should not be mandatory because they are so expensive. 4/13/10

Reason B: Not Fashionable 66 Reason B: Not Fashionable A bit dramatic… Just right! I want to beat myself up when I wear those dumb colors. The uniforms are so fugly and I hate the colors. Why do we have to wear them? They make us look so stupid! Students in uniforms may be bullied by students from other schools. The colors represent school pride, but become dull when worn day after day. Many students want to develop their fashion sense, but are limited by their uniforms. 4/13/10

Reason C: Lacks Creativity 77 Reason C: Lacks Creativity Too offensive! Ouch! Much better… Just because teachers wear ugly clothes doesn’t mean students should. Way to suppress our creativity, Pueblo! Now we’re terrible at school! We’re too much like robots to learn anything, so you might as well give up on trying to teach us anything. Students know they will need to wear formal clothing as adults—now it’s time to experience childhood through a creative wardrobe! Uniforms suppress student creativity. Students need to be creative in school to do well, and wearing clothes of their choice would help this. 4/13/10

88 Conclusion It is clear that school uniform rules need to be reformed at Alta E. Butler. Uniforms are expensive, making it difficult for many families. The uniforms are also not fashionable, and the students find the colors dull after wearing them so often. Finally, students feel it difficult to express their creativity when they are unable to choose their outfits. Therefore, the school as a whole can improve once uniforms are taken away. 4/13/10

First/Second  Third Person 99 First/Second  Third Person We  Students, sixth graders, many people, consumers, etc. You  Administrators, the school, the district, teachers. “I think basketball is better than soccer.” “Basketball is better than soccer.” “20 out of 25 of us do not want school uniforms.” “In a Pueblo class survey, 20 out of 25 students…” “I hope I convinced you…” “There are many convincing reasons why…” 4/13/10