ACT ONE

ACT ONE SCENE ONE Let’s meet up later and mess with Macbeth.

ACT ONE SCENE TWO How’s the war going, bloody captain? MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE TWO Good, thanks to Macbeth. He done killed Macdonwald and scared off Norway. I am dying. MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE TWO Sweet. Go see a medic. MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE TWO The Thane of Cawdor is a traitor and was helping Norway. Macbeth showed up and he kicked butt. Norway surrendered. Nice. ROSS MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE TWO I like me some Macbeth. Kill the original Thane of Cawdor, then tell Macbeth that title is now his. ROSS MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE THREE We are evil little witches.

ACT ONE SCENE THREE It sure is fair and foul today. BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE THREE What are those ugly things? BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE THREE Macbeth, you’re going to be Thane of Cawdor and then king. BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE THREE That’s pretty sweet, ain’t it, MacB? What about me? Howsabout Banquo? BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Banquo, you’re going to be great, but not so great. Your kids will be king, but you won’t. BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Wait, how do you know this? Are we supposed to act on this? I don’t under- BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE THREE That was weird. So, I get to be Thane of Cawdor and king, huh? Weird. BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE THREE And my kids will be kings. Did we really just see all that, or are we tripping? BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Hey MacB. Guess what – because you have done so much butt-kicking, the king wants you to be the new Thane of Cawdor. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Whoa, that’s weird. What happened to the old Thane of Cawdor? ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three He was a traitor, so he’s going to be killed. Yo, let’s go see the king. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Just give me a second… I need some aside time. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

What do you think, Banquo? The prophecies are coming true. ACT ONE SCENE three What do you think, Banquo? The prophecies are coming true. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Yeah, but those were witches. We should be careful. It could be trouble. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three True… Still, if it’s bad, then why is it true? And if it’s good, why am I thinking about killing the king? ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

My boy can do some thinking, huh? ACT ONE SCENE three My boy can do some thinking, huh? ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE three Well, if it fate will bring me the crown, I don’t have to do anything. If it’s destiny, it’s destiny. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

Alright guys, let’s go see the king. ACT ONE SCENE three Alright guys, let’s go see the king. ROSS ANGUS BANQUO MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE FOUR Sup, son? MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE FOUR Thane of Cawdor’s dead now. MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS Cool. BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

Macbeth! Banquo! You guys are the best! ACT ONE ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS Macbeth! Banquo! You guys are the best! BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

No, you’re the best. We do it all for you. ACT ONE ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS No, you’re the best. We do it all for you. BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS Nah, you’re gonna make me cry. I’ll tell you what – let’s make Malcolm Prince of Cumberland so he’ll be next in line to the throne. Then, let’s head to Inverness, where Macbeth lives. BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

Sweet. I’ll ride ahead and tell my wife you’re coming. ACT ONE ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS Sweet. I’ll ride ahead and tell my wife you’re coming. BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS Prince of Cumberland… now that’s another step between me and the throne… I keep thinking evil thoughts! BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE FOUR Okay, let’s go. BANQUO MAcbeth MALCOLM KING DUNCAN ROSS SCENE FOUR ANGUS Okay, let’s go. MAcbeth BANQUO MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE Hmmm…. This letter says my husband met some witches, and they said so and so, and then Thane of Cawdor, and then king… JBWERKDDJ DFLSSDLSDFL SDFLKKLSF IAMNOTOPEN TOYOURDOGS EATINGPOOP

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE My husband is destined for great things, but he doesn’t have the cojones to do what is necessary. I must make him become more evil… JBWERKDDJ DFLSSDLSDFL SDFLKKLSF IAMNOTOPEN TOYOURDOGS EATINGPOOP

Milady – the king is on his way. Your husband is, too. ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE Milady – the king is on his way. Your husband is, too.

Thanks, messenger. That’s awesome news. ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE Fo’real? Thanks, messenger. That’s awesome news.

Night cover all my crimes… ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE Okay then, this is it. If King Duncan is going to be here, then this is our chance to become king and queen. I need to evil up. EVIL SPIRITS – make me less like a kind woman and more like a cold, heartless man. Transform my mother’s milk to acid and make me capable of MURDER… Night cover all my crimes…

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE There’s my man! Thane of Glamis, Thane of Cawdor, and soon to be king. I feel like the future is now for us. MAcbeth

Hey baby. Duncan’s sleeping over, okay? ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE MAcbeth Hey baby. Duncan’s sleeping over, okay?

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE When is he to leave? MAcbeth

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE MAcbeth Tomorrow.

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE He will never see tomorrow! Put on your game face and don’t let him know that we plan to kill him! MAcbeth

Uh, we’ll talk about this later. ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE MAcbeth Uh, we’ll talk about this later.

ACT ONE Lady MACBETH SCENE FIVE Show no fear, my husband! MAcbeth

Macbeth’s castle looks nice. ACT ONE SCENE SIX Macbeth’s castle looks nice. ANGUS DONALBAIN LENNOX ROSS MACDUFF BANQUO MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE SIX Yeah, the air is nice. BANQUO KING DUNCAN MACDUFF ANGUS DONALBAIN LENNOX ROSS MACDUFF BANQUO MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE SIX Welcome to Inverness. BANQUO MACBETH Lady ANGUS DONALBAIN LENNOX ROSS MACDUFF BANQUO MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE SIX Thank you, my dear. BANQUO MACBETH Lady KING DUNCAN ANGUS DONALBAIN LENNOX ROSS MACDUFF BANQUO MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE SIX BANQUO MACBETH Lady KING DUNCAN MACDUFF ANGUS DONALBAIN LENNOX ROSS MACDUFF BANQUO MALCOLM KING DUNCAN

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN MAcbeth Should I kill the king? If I can get away with it, it’s best to do it quickly. Then it will be over with, and the only consequence might be my spending eternity in hell.

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN MAcbeth However, it seems like this kind of business always makes trouble. And Duncan’s family, plus my king, and plus that, my guest. Really, the only possible reason to kill him would be my own greed.

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH MAcbeth Sup?

The king has eaten. Are you ready? ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH The king has eaten. Are you ready? MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH MAcbeth No, we’re not doing this. He’s a good guy who has given me honors, and I won’t throw all that away.

Oh, so you’re chicken? You can live the rest of your life as a coward? ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH Oh, so you’re chicken? You can live the rest of your life as a coward? MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH MAcbeth Hey! I’m all man!

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH Why would you break your word to me? If you do it, then I’ll think of you as a man. I have given a baby breast milk, and I know what it means to be a loving mom, but if I promised you I would do so, I would pull that baby off my nipple and dash its brains out on the floor. That’s how I roll! MAcbeth

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH MAcbeth Damn.

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH MAcbeth What if we fail?

ACT ONE SCENE SEVEN Lady MACBETH Then we fail. But man up, and we won’t fail. When Duncan’s asleep, I will get his guards drunk until they pass out. When they’re out, we can do whatever to him and pin the blame on his guards! MAcbeth

END OF ACT ONE