Choosing a Mate The decision to follow Christ (and become a Christian as an initial step) is the most important decision you will ever make in your life, cf. Acts 13:46. It obviously changes everything from that point forward in your life until death- and determines where you will spend eternity. But there is another decision that ranks just below that one in importance. The second most important decision you will ever make is: It also changes everything in your life from that point forward in life until death, and is the single greatest factor (outside of your decision to be a Christian) influencing your eternal destiny. No single person will have more impact on you and you faithfulness to Christ, and therefore your eternal destiny, than your spouse. Choose wisely.

Choosing a Mate Some initial observations: This lesson is not just for teenagers and the unmarried. Those married need to teach their children how to properly choose a mate. Older folks need to be teaching their married children and grandchildren on the subject, and teach them what to teach their children in this regard. They need to know that we should choose our mates carefully, rather than depending on “falling” in love; proper, biblical love of a spouse is a decision that produces emotion- not the other way around, cf. Eph.5:22-33; Titus 2:1-8. We must choose to love the right person! So…

Choosing a Mate Where to begin? With a Proper Understanding of “Marriage” Itself: Marriage is an institution of divine arrangement, given by God in wisdom and mercy, to increase human happiness, in which a man and woman agree to live together as husband and wife, each faithfully fulfilling the responsibilities and obligations of the contract till through death they part. This definition is a sermon (or three) all by itself- but such will have to wait until another occasion. I would like to concentrate in this lesson on being and choosing the right person for a lifetime commitment- which is, again, the second most important decision you will ever make.

Choosing a Mate There are at least 5 areas which must be considered in being and choosing the right mate: 1.Character Moral and ethical strength which is derived from God’s Word is essential, cf. 2Pet.1:5 (“moral excellence”). Integrity is an essential element of righteousness, and is perhaps further defined in vv.1-6 as including self- control, v.1; peaceable, vv.2-3; hard-working, v.4; thoughtful, v.5; loyal and trustworthy, v.6. Character would necessarily also include commitment, 1Cor.7:39; sense of fairness, 1Cor.7:2-5; and loyalty. Loyalty includes not only fidelity, but also the overall matter of seeking the welfare and best interests of your mate, Eph.5:28-29; 1Pet.3:2,6-7.

Choosing a Mate There are at least 5 areas which must be considered in being and choosing the right mate: 2.Maturity Much like entering a lifetime commitment to Christ, marriage is for grownups. It is for the mature. Each potential partner should possess the personal maturity to adequately consider the commitment required in marriage, cf.1Cor.13:11; 14:20. One not capable of caring for themselves and managing their own life is certainly not ready to do so for another, 1Tim.5:8. Maturity often manifests itself as the ability to realize one’s past and present sufficiently to see their future- of course in a limited sense. It’s learning from past mistakes, accurately assessing present circumstance, and making good decisions regarding the future. It is an essential element of maturity, Luke 14:26-33.

Choosing a Mate There are at least 5 areas which must be considered in being and choosing the right mate: 3.Independence Certainly character and maturity are good indicators of independence. But are you and your potential mate capable (and desirous) of the collective independence required of marriage? Look closely at Gen.2:24:  Leave- personal maturity through independence financially, emotionally, and to some degree socially.  Cleave- “forsaking all others” is part of the contract; it shows commitment and permanence which result from character and maturity.  One Flesh- in the sexual union, yes, but also in the formation of a new, independent couple/family.

Choosing a Mate There are at least 5 areas which must be considered in being and choosing the right mate: 4.Overall Disposition What is your and his/her basic attitude and approach to life? Are these compatible in attitudes and approaches to problems, work, life, goals, and aspirations- including, especially toward God, and what it takes to get to heaven? A person with a poor disposition is usually a selfish person. This is counterproductive to marriage, and therefore certainly must be seriously considered, Phil.4:4-8; Eccl.9:9; 1Pet.3: If you constantly have to prop-up him/her up, or if there is constant friction when you are dating, don’t expect it to change after marriage. Disposition counts.

Choosing a Mate There are at least 5 areas which must be considered in being and choosing the right mate: 5.Common Interests The more important a goal, hobby / interest, dream, or value is to you, the more important it is that it is shared by your potential mate, Amos 3:3. Certainly this would include, but is not limited to spiritual matters. When we fail to consider this aspect prior to marriage, friendships are sought or maintained outside of marriage because of shared interests. This can undermine the basic companionship issues of the marriage (cleave from Gen.2:24), and can obviously result in extreme difficulties.

Choosing a Mate - Conclusion God gave marriage to us for our earthly happiness, and to allow us to help one another toward heaven through the most intimate of all human relations. If we are what we are supposed to be, and choose someone to marry who is likewise, marriage can be a foretaste of heaven here on earth. If we fail to be what we ought to be, and/or choose someone who is likewise, marriage can be a foretaste of hell here on earth. Understand what marriage is before entering; and be and choose a person of Character, Maturity, and Independence who has an Overall Disposition and Common Interests that are compatible with yours.