The UC Personal Statement:

Personal Statement Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer. Barbara Kingsolver

Developing an Image for the Reader

April 28, 2015 For the next three days, we will be looking at specifics provided by the University of California Chancellor’s Office provided to counselors in a training session to assist students with personal statements.For the next three days, we will be looking at specifics provided by the University of California Chancellor’s Office provided to counselors in a training session to assist students with personal statements. You will be asked to do several tasks through this training!You will be asked to do several tasks through this training!

Is part of the comprehensive review process.Is part of the comprehensive review process. Helps readers now and understand the applicantsHelps readers now and understand the applicants Adds clarity, depth and meaning to information collected in other parts of the UC applicationAdds clarity, depth and meaning to information collected in other parts of the UC application Opportunity to provide information that supports and augments the review process.Opportunity to provide information that supports and augments the review process. Why do universities require “The Personal Statement”

The Importance of the Personal Statement The UC personal statement is your chance to tell the University who you are and what is important to you.The UC personal statement is your chance to tell the University who you are and what is important to you. Helps the reader to understand your accomplishments in context, your achievements in context, your obstacles and challenges in contextHelps the reader to understand your accomplishments in context, your achievements in context, your obstacles and challenges in context

Create a Mosaic  Get it down. Take chances. It may be bad, but it’s the only way you can do anything really good. - William Faulkner

View this as an opportunity. It is an opportunity to introduce yourself in your own words.View this as an opportunity. It is an opportunity to introduce yourself in your own words. Take Your Time!!Take Your Time!! Be open. Be reflective. Find your individual voice and express it honestly.Be open. Be reflective. Find your individual voice and express it honestly. UC’s are looking for evidence of your intellectual curiosity and your interest in personal development.UC’s are looking for evidence of your intellectual curiosity and your interest in personal development. Purpose of the Personal Statement

What does it do? What doesn’t it do? The application and the personal statement talk to each other and the reader and together “they can dialogue” and “completes” the understanding of the student.The application and the personal statement talk to each other and the reader and together “they can dialogue” and “completes” the understanding of the student. It does not repeat information already on the application.It does not repeat information already on the application.

Admonition If after the reader reads your personal statement and he or she does not know or understand you any better than after they read your application, then the statement has no value in the process.If after the reader reads your personal statement and he or she does not know or understand you any better than after they read your application, then the statement has no value in the process. Yvette Gullatt: In the end, we should now that student better than we would with just the application alone.Yvette Gullatt: In the end, we should now that student better than we would with just the application alone.

Questions the Reader Considers What is important to this applicant?What is important to this applicant? What qualities/characteristics define this applicant?What qualities/characteristics define this applicant? Which of these qualities/characteristics is most prominent? What distinguishes her?Which of these qualities/characteristics is most prominent? What distinguishes her? Do these qualities appeal to you, the reader? Why?Do these qualities appeal to you, the reader? Why?

A Message From UC Faculty While it is acceptable to receive feedback or helpful suggestions, applicants’ personal statements should reflect their own ideas and be written by them alone.While it is acceptable to receive feedback or helpful suggestions, applicants’ personal statements should reflect their own ideas and be written by them alone. Don’t let a parent write it for you!Don’t let a parent write it for you! We can tell if it’s not student work…We can tell if it’s not student work…

Instructions There are two prompts. Students must respond to BOTH.There are two prompts. Students must respond to BOTH. This used to be true, but warning now the computerized statement shuts down once you reach 1000 words!  A maximum of 1,000 words total (1012 max)  Question: Can you go over? NO!  Why? If you are given constraints in the future you will be expected to stay in those constraints. For instance imagine your superior explains to you that money is tight this quarter, but you have to prepare for a conference. She gives you a budget not to exceed $1000 to prepare materials for the conference. However, you spend more. Will your superior be pleased with your efforts?

Instructions There are two prompts. Students must respond to BOTH.There are two prompts. Students must respond to BOTH. Students respond to both questions.Students respond to both questions.  A maximum of 1,000 words total (1012 max) Students choose length of each response.Students choose length of each response.  If students choose to respond to one prompt at greater length, the shorter answer should be no less than 250 words.

Stop and Do Read the UC Conference Prompt #1Read the UC Conference Prompt #1 Then do the activity for this prompt.Then do the activity for this prompt.

Part I: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — Part I: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — Part II: and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Two Parts to Prompt #1

Part I: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — Part II: and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Part I: Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — Part II: and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Notice the word “or” Pick one! You need a deep essay and not a superficial essay touching on three areas.Notice the word “or” Pick one! You need a deep essay and not a superficial essay touching on three areas. This is about you, so focus on the dreams and aspirations. Don’t get caught up describing Mead Valley, Moreno Valley, or Perris. Also realize that your room could be your world.This is about you, so focus on the dreams and aspirations. Don’t get caught up describing Mead Valley, Moreno Valley, or Perris. Also realize that your room could be your world. This prompt could read - “What are your dreams and aspirations and what is one thing that influenced them?”This prompt could read - “What are your dreams and aspirations and what is one thing that influenced them?” Prompt #1

Prompt 1 Tips “World" is a versatile term. What really makes up your "world"? Is it your team? The local animal shelter? Your grandmother's kitchen table? Your church? The pages of a book? Someplace where your imagination likes to wander?“World" is a versatile term. What really makes up your "world"? Is it your team? The local animal shelter? Your grandmother's kitchen table? Your church? The pages of a book? Someplace where your imagination likes to wander? Focus on "how." How has your world shaped you? How do you connect your environment to your identity. Then project forward and imagine your future.Focus on "how." How has your world shaped you? How do you connect your environment to your identity. Then project forward and imagine your future. Focus on you. You may have a brother with a disability who perseveres through life and is an inspiration to you, but remember this is your application, not his.Focus on you. You may have a brother with a disability who perseveres through life and is an inspiration to you, but remember this is your application, not his. Avoid the obvious. Thousands of students could write an essay about how their supportive parents helped them succeed. Make sure your essay is about you and isn't something that thousands of other students could have written.Avoid the obvious. Thousands of students could write an essay about how their supportive parents helped them succeed. Make sure your essay is about you and isn't something that thousands of other students could have written.

Stop and Watch Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the prompts. Play from 11 minutes 39 seconds to 15 minutes 27 seconds. TAKE NOTES!Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the prompts. Play from 11 minutes 39 seconds to 15 minutes 27 seconds. TAKE NOTES! How should I divide the word count between the 1000 words?How should I divide the word count between the 1000 words? Why do I need to write this?Why do I need to write this? What the prompt really asks?What the prompt really asks?

Prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? This prompt could read: “Who are you, and what one thing are you most proud of that exemplifies who you are today?”This prompt could read: “Who are you, and what one thing are you most proud of that exemplifies who you are today?”

But… I have NO talents, NO accomplishments, not contributions, and NO experiences!I have NO talents, NO accomplishments, not contributions, and NO experiences!

Stop and Do DESCRIBE YOUR DAYDESCRIBE YOUR DAY You may discover what you should use for prompt 2 by seeing what you do every day!You may discover what you should use for prompt 2 by seeing what you do every day!

Stop and Watch Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the prompts. Play from 15 minutes 27 seconds to 16 minutes 58 seconds. TAKE NOTES!Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the prompts. Play from 15 minutes 27 seconds to 16 minutes 58 seconds. TAKE NOTES! What could I possibly talk about because I have not a single talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience?What could I possibly talk about because I have not a single talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience? What the prompt really asks?What the prompt really asks?

April 29, 2015 I’m ready for college …. but I can’t find my backpack

Prompt 2 Tips Consider what makes you proud. Then determine the experience, quality, accomplishment, etc. That lead to this.Consider what makes you proud. Then determine the experience, quality, accomplishment, etc. That lead to this. How has what you are writing about shaped you as an individual?How has what you are writing about shaped you as an individual? Negative experience is okay as long as it is not a complaint or excuse and that something positive was gained that you are proud of.Negative experience is okay as long as it is not a complaint or excuse and that something positive was gained that you are proud of. Write about something that is personally significant to you, not just what you think sounds impressive.Write about something that is personally significant to you, not just what you think sounds impressive.

Additional Comments Use Additional Comments box for clarification, expansion on important details:Use Additional Comments box for clarification, expansion on important details:  Additional names/schools/transcript irregularity  Visa issue  Additional exams taken or certificates earned This is NOT an extension of the Personal Statement.

Stop and Watch Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 16 minutes 58 seconds to 18 minutes 48 seconds. TAKE NOTES!Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 16 minutes 58 seconds to 18 minutes 48 seconds. TAKE NOTES! Do I need to fill this box?Do I need to fill this box? What really should go in this box?What really should go in this box?

Brainstorm With your partner, create a visual organizer (OUTLINE, SPIDER MAP, STAIRCASE, ETC) to answer: What are the steps to writing a personal statement?What are the steps to writing a personal statement?

STEP ONE: GATHER INFORMATION GATHER INFORMATIONGATHER INFORMATION ---grades, test scores, academic awards, extracurricular activities, community service, participation in clubs or organizations, hobbies/individual interests, employment, etc.

STEP TWO: READ CRITICALLY READ CRITICALLYREAD CRITICALLY What interpretations can be made from this information? What interpretations can be made from this information? What observations can be formed from this information? What questions can be asked from this information?.

STEP THREE: DEVELOP TOPIC & THESIS DEVELOP TOPIC and THESISDEVELOP TOPIC and THESIS Remember the topic is the subject about which you will talk.Remember the topic is the subject about which you will talk. Remember the thesis is a complete sentence about your point of view regarding the importance of the subject in relationship to you and your life, your goals, or your aspirations.Remember the thesis is a complete sentence about your point of view regarding the importance of the subject in relationship to you and your life, your goals, or your aspirations.

Stop and Watch Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 19 minutes 49 seconds to 20 minutes 33 seconds. TAKE NOTES!Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 19 minutes 49 seconds to 20 minutes 33 seconds. TAKE NOTES! Why should I develop a topic when topics are already listed?Why should I develop a topic when topics are already listed?

STEP 4: DRAFT, GET FEEDBACK, & REVISE DRAFTDRAFT GET FEEDBACKGET FEEDBACK REVISEREVISE

Stop and Watch Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 20 minutes 34 seconds to 21 minutes 32 seconds. TAKE NOTES!Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 20 minutes 34 seconds to 21 minutes 32 seconds. TAKE NOTES! Why should I know what the application asks for before I write my essay?Why should I know what the application asks for before I write my essay?

Moving to College Writing

The Personal Statement is YOUR FIRST COLLEGE WRITING ASSIGNMENT COLLEGEPERSONAL STATEMENT UNKNOWN AUDIENCE Students write for a community of scholars. UNKNOWN AUDIENCE WRITER-DETERMINED TOPICS Students choose the topics WRITER-DETERMINED TOPICS DIG DEEPER Analysis and Reflection are KEY ANALYTICAL & REFLECTIVE RESPONSE

Stop and Watch Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 21 minutes 34 seconds to 24 minutes 08 seconds. TAKE NOTES!Watch this short video from 2007 which addresses the comment box. Play from 21 minutes 34 seconds to 24 minutes 08 seconds. TAKE NOTES! What are some of the parallels to college writing?What are some of the parallels to college writing?

Important Strategies Students are encouraged to write about special circumstances that have influenced their educational experiences.Students are encouraged to write about special circumstances that have influenced their educational experiences. Learning and/or physical challenges Learning and/or physical challenges who they are and how they developed who they are and how they developed Small or alternative learning environments Small or alternative learning environments

Important Strategies Read critically and write analytically.Read critically and write analytically. Think like an admissions reader by capitalizing on the relationship between readers and writers. Think like an admissions reader by capitalizing on the relationship between readers and writers.

Important Strategies VERY IMPORTANT: Use a writing process Brainstorming Drafting Revising for clarity, organization, meaning, and proof-reading. Get good feedback

THINK LIKE AN ADMISSIONS READER All readers have expectations of writers, revealed in readers’ questions, observations, and interpretations of the application.All readers have expectations of writers, revealed in readers’ questions, observations, and interpretations of the application. Writers fulfill readers’ expectations by addressing these questions, observations and interpretations in the personal statement.Writers fulfill readers’ expectations by addressing these questions, observations and interpretations in the personal statement. Writers can anticipate readers’ expectations by completing and critically reading their applications prior to writing a personal statement.Writers can anticipate readers’ expectations by completing and critically reading their applications prior to writing a personal statement.

Critical Reading and Analytical Writing Level one:Level one: FactsFacts Level two: InterpretationsLevel two: Interpretations Level three: Meaning and SignificanceLevel three: Meaning and Significance Answers to L1 questions provide details in paragraphs.Answers to L1 questions provide details in paragraphs. Answers to L2 questions are topic sentences of paragraphs.Answers to L2 questions are topic sentences of paragraphs. Answers to L3 questions are thesis statements of essays (define theme)Answers to L3 questions are thesis statements of essays (define theme)

STOP and DO 5 MINUTES Case Study Part II - Student Profile Use the Levels of Questions strategy with this profile What data do you find? What patterns do you see? What questions would you ask? What inferences would you draw? How well does the essay align with the profile? How would you advise this student to proceed?

Discussion Questions What facts did you learn about Julia Cho?What facts did you learn about Julia Cho? What are some areas left for interpretation?What are some areas left for interpretation? What questions arise when you read her transcript?What questions arise when you read her transcript? Does the essay answer those questions?Does the essay answer those questions? What areas could she focus on as she rewrites her essay?What areas could she focus on as she rewrites her essay?

April 30, 2015

Think Like an Admissions Reader Readers are friendly professionals who want to admit you.Readers are friendly professionals who want to admit you. Readers are looking for answers to questions they have regarding the application.Readers are looking for answers to questions they have regarding the application. Readers are seasoned professionals who can spot baloney.Readers are seasoned professionals who can spot baloney. Readers know nothing about you except what’s on your application.Readers know nothing about you except what’s on your application. Remember you do not know your readers, so steer clear of divisive issues such as social issues, religion and politics.Remember you do not know your readers, so steer clear of divisive issues such as social issues, religion and politics.

Writing Process Read the application critically using levels of questionsRead the application critically using levels of questions DraftDraft Get feedback – give readers 3-5 days to respondGet feedback – give readers 3-5 days to respond Revise for organization, clarity and meaning. Revision means to re-”see”Revise for organization, clarity and meaning. Revision means to re-”see” This means do not turn the same essay back to your readers. This means do not turn the same essay back to your readers. Proofread.Proofread.

The Teacher’s Role My goal is to help you  Understand the role of the personal statement in the admissions process – it is an opportunity for readers to learn more about you.  Recognize the relationship between reader and writer

The Teacher’s Role My goal is to help you  Understand the reading and writing tasks of the personal statement  Use a writing process  Obtain feedback

What feedback should you receive? First, you should give your readers a paper copy of your application and the personal statement, so they can see the dialogue between the two documents.First, you should give your readers a paper copy of your application and the personal statement, so they can see the dialogue between the two documents. Second, you should give your readers a specific set of questions you would like the reader to answer.Second, you should give your readers a specific set of questions you would like the reader to answer. Third, you should find readers who resemble your target audience (Educated Scholarly Strangers)Third, you should find readers who resemble your target audience (Educated Scholarly Strangers)  Ask them to comment on ideas and the level of persuasiveness, not on your grammar.

Important Strategies Answer the prompt!!Answer the prompt!! Avoid the list.Avoid the list. Balance pride and humility. Don’t make excuses.Balance pride and humility. Don’t make excuses. Reveal your character.Reveal your character. Get good feedback.Get good feedback.

Be Persuasive Present your information and ideas in a focused, deliberate and meaningful manner. Provide specific, concrete examples to support your point.Present your information and ideas in a focused, deliberate and meaningful manner. Provide specific, concrete examples to support your point. Your job is to persuade the reader that you are a creative, ambitious, and unique individual who will contribute to the intellectual vitality and cultural life on campus.Your job is to persuade the reader that you are a creative, ambitious, and unique individual who will contribute to the intellectual vitality and cultural life on campus.

Tips Don’t try to impress. Be sincere and write in your voice.Don’t try to impress. Be sincere and write in your voice. Write to create and share the emotions of your passionWrite to create and share the emotions of your passion Embrace this opportunity for the readers to “meet” you. You want them to feel as though they know you.Embrace this opportunity for the readers to “meet” you. You want them to feel as though they know you.

Caution No sarcasmNo sarcasm Don’t use offensive languageDon’t use offensive language Be careful with humorBe careful with humor Avoid being “cute” or “perky”Avoid being “cute” or “perky” Don’t write about another person!Don’t write about another person! Remember humility is much more pleasant that hubris.Remember humility is much more pleasant that hubris.

Common Pitfalls FLUFF Theater did not come naturally to me, and I felt remarkably self-conscious and nervous the first few times I set foot on stage in the eighth grade. My best friend had talked me into auditioning for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I have to admit that theater did not come naturally to me, and I remember that felt remarkably self- conscious and nervous the first few times I set foot on stage. The first time I was on stage was in the eighth grade when my best friend talked me into auditioning for our school’s performance of the play Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. Better The length of your essay is limited and you want your words to be impactful, not filler.

Common Pitfalls Vague Not only do I find basketball fun, but the sport has helped me develop my leadership and communication skills, as well as my ability to work with a team. As a result, my love of basketball will make me a better business major. I like a lot of things about basketball. For one, the activity allows me to develop abilities that will help me in my future endeavors. Better Avoid words like “stuff”, “things”, “aspects”, “society”, etc.. They leave the reader guessing. Your essay should answer questions, not create them.

Common Pitfalls Clichés Throughout high school, I have tried to emulate my brother. He takes his responsibilities seriously, yet he is generous when dealing with the shortcomings of others. This combination of reliability and graciousness makes others turn to him for leadership. My own successes in high school are due largely to my brother's example. My brother is one in a million. If given a responsibility, he never falls asleep at the wheel. When others fail, he is not one to make a mountain out of a molehill. To make a long story short, throughout high school I have tried to emulate my older brother and I credit him with many of my own successes. Better Clichés diminish the essay's message and reveal the author's lack of creativity.

Common Pitfalls Verbose The game was close. I won't receive credit for our win, but I did pass the ball to my teammate who scored the winning goal. He shot the ball through the narrow space between the goalie's hands and the upper corner of the goal post. The game was spectacularly wonderful. I didn’t score the defining goal, but I did manage dexterously to pass the ball to my amazingly talented teammate who adroitly kicked it between the goalie’s desperately reaching fingers and the rigid frame of the right-hand corner of the goal. Better Strong verbs, not adjectives and adverbs, make your essay come to life. Two or three adjectives or adverbs in every sentence, are indications of an immature writer who is trying too hard to impress the reader.

Did you answer questions or create questions? Review your applicationReview your application Read your statementRead your statement Did you create more questions?Did you create more questions? Did you answer questions?Did you answer questions? Did you show a theme?Did you show a theme?

Always keep in mind… The readers will know nothing about you except what they will get from your application and your personal statement.The readers will know nothing about you except what they will get from your application and your personal statement. It is critical that you read, and reread, your own writing then ask multiple people for feedback.It is critical that you read, and reread, your own writing then ask multiple people for feedback. DO NOT attempt to write a story intended to make the reader feel bad for you. Your goal should not be to try and gain admissions through pity. Mainly because it will not work. Your goal is to give the application reviewer concrete reasons for why they should accept you into their university.DO NOT attempt to write a story intended to make the reader feel bad for you. Your goal should not be to try and gain admissions through pity. Mainly because it will not work. Your goal is to give the application reviewer concrete reasons for why they should accept you into their university.

Last Thing (from UCI) Don't stress out trying to write the ultimate personal statement. There is no single right way to write a personal statement that will guarantee your acceptance into a university. There is only the best personal statement you can write for yourself. As long as your personal statement gives a clear and accurate representation of who you are as a person, then you've accomplished your task. That is the best personal statement you can write.Don't stress out trying to write the ultimate personal statement. There is no single right way to write a personal statement that will guarantee your acceptance into a university. There is only the best personal statement you can write for yourself. As long as your personal statement gives a clear and accurate representation of who you are as a person, then you've accomplished your task. That is the best personal statement you can write.

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