Show Not Tell Description by Design

The Bus Stop – Tell Version Each morning I ride the bus to school. I wait along with other people who ride my bus. Sometimes the bus is late and we get angry. Some guys start fights and stuff just to have something to do. I’m always glad when the bus finally comes.

The Bus Stop – Show Version A bus arrived. It discharged its passengers, closed its doors with a hiss and disappeared over the crest of the hill. Not one of the people waiting at the bus stop had attempted to board. One woman wore a sweater that was too small, a long skirt, white sweater socks, and house slippers. One man was in his undershirt. Another man wore shoes with the toes cut out, a soiled blue serge jacket and brown pants. There was something wrong with these people. They made faces. A mouth smiled at nothing and unsmiled, smiled and unsmiled. A head shook in vehement denial. Most of them carried brown paper bags rolled tight against their stomachs.

Show Not Tell The purpose of Show Not Tell is to change bland “telling” sentences that use overly general words into “showing” sentences full of specific, enlightening details. Example: My room is a mess.

Show Not Tell Example: Tell My room is a mess. Example: Show On patches of my room’s wooden floor, tiny black ants feasted on chocolate cookie crumbs and stray pieces of buttered popcorn. A deck of cards and parts of board games teeter-tottered atop mounds of shorts, t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, and stiff, dirty socks.

7th Grade “Showing” Example Jane was lying in her antique bed late Wednesday night trying to fall asleep. Her beautiful blue pj’s matched her crystal clear blue eyes. Jane’s long brown hair covered most of her pear-shaped face. As she slowly drifted off to sleep, Jane started to dream. She saw herself on a train bound for ….

Telling Sentence It was a rainy day.

Showing Version The air was the color of unpainted steel. It hung like a heavy, damp blanket over trees, cars, houses, and me. I heard the sound of small pebbles falling without end on the roof, on the yard, and on the driveway. Small rivers moved constantly down my window,

Telling Sentences The kid was rich. The music was loud. rich loud

Showing Examples rich The young adolescent boasted of his many possessions saying, “I can buy almost anything I want.” His pockets were overflowing with shiny, silver coins, and his wardrobe consisted of only the best in designer apparel. My ears were ringing from over-exposure to the deafening sounds of the cacophony of the musical ensemble. The vibrations of the bass drum continued to keep rhythm in my head long after the concert ended. loud

Now It’s Your Turn Write one of the following “telling” sentences. He was scared. The pizza was delicious. She was so angry. The party was wild. The monster was really ugly. The children are sick. Now write a “showing” version. scared delicious angry wild ugly sick