Creating Healthy Boundaries at Work and Beyond…. Fall 2010 MCAAP Conference Presented by the MCPS EAP

Learning Objectives To increase your understanding of boundaries and limit setting To increase your understanding of boundaries and limit setting To identify challenges to maintaining boundaries as administrators To identify challenges to maintaining boundaries as administrators To share best practices for effectively setting and maintaining boundaries To share best practices for effectively setting and maintaining boundaries To understand the role of the EAP with underperforming, challenging staff To understand the role of the EAP with underperforming, challenging staff

MCPS Employee Assistance Program Short term counseling, assessment and referral Short term counseling, assessment and referral Cost Cost Eligibility Eligibility Problem types Problem types Referrals (self, supervisor and other) Referrals (self, supervisor and other) Confidentiality/records Confidentiality/records Other services: workshops, crisis response, newsletter, access point to mediation, website Other services: workshops, crisis response, newsletter, access point to mediation, website Times/location Times/location

Exercise Dyad: 2 minutes to talk about a time when setting a limit with someone who was challenging. Dyad: 2 minutes to talk about a time when setting a limit with someone who was challenging.

What are Personal Boundaries? Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits. Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

Boundaries can be… Boundaries can be… Flexible Flexible too flexible and it is easy to feel overwhelmed;too flexible and it is easy to feel overwhelmed; makes it difficult to set priorities and follow themmakes it difficult to set priorities and follow them Rigid Rigid too rigid and cultural differences are ignoredtoo rigid and cultural differences are ignored decisions are not based on the context of the relationshipdecisions are not based on the context of the relationship

Boundaries Physical – choosing how close you allow people to come to you Physical – choosing how close you allow people to come to you Emotional – maintaining emotional distance; setting limits on how you want to be treated by others; Emotional – maintaining emotional distance; setting limits on how you want to be treated by others; Ethical – determined by your professional and/or personal code of ethics Ethical – determined by your professional and/or personal code of ethics

From AASA’s Statement of Ethics for Educational Leaders “…The educational leader provides professional leadership across the district and also across the community. This responsibility requires the leader to maintain standards of exemplary professional conduct while recognizing that his or her actions will be viewed and appraised by the community, professional associates and students.” “…The educational leader provides professional leadership across the district and also across the community. This responsibility requires the leader to maintain standards of exemplary professional conduct while recognizing that his or her actions will be viewed and appraised by the community, professional associates and students.” “…always acts in a trustworthy and responsible manner.” “…always acts in a trustworthy and responsible manner.” Avoids using his/her position for personal gain through political, social, religious, economic or other influences. Avoids using his/her position for personal gain through political, social, religious, economic or other influences. Accepts academic degrees or professional certification only from accredited institutions. Accepts academic degrees or professional certification only from accredited institutions. Maintains the standards and seeks to improve the effectiveness of the profession through research and continuing professional development. Maintains the standards and seeks to improve the effectiveness of the profession through research and continuing professional development. Honors all contracts until fulfillment, release or dissolution mutually agreed upon by all parties. Honors all contracts until fulfillment, release or dissolution mutually agreed upon by all parties. Accepts responsibility and accountability for one’s own actions and behaviors. Accepts responsibility and accountability for one’s own actions and behaviors. Commits to serving others above self. Commits to serving others above self.

What Makes it Challenging to Maintain Boundaries and Set Limits?

SA/Mental Disorders Lifetime Prevalence Anxiety disorders % Anxiety disorders % Mood disorders % Mood disorders % Substance use disorders % Substance use disorders % Median age of onset is much earlier for anxiety (11 years) and impulse-control (11 years) disorders than for substance use (20 years) and mood (30 years) disorders. Median age of onset is much earlier for anxiety (11 years) and impulse-control (11 years) disorders than for substance use (20 years) and mood (30 years) disorders. Half of all lifetime cases start by age 14 years and three fourths by age 24 years. Half of all lifetime cases start by age 14 years and three fourths by age 24 years. Any disorder %. Any disorder %. Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2005;62: Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2005;62:

The Usual Steps Praying for a miracle Praying for a miracle Reason will prevail Reason will prevail Pleading Pleading Bleeding Bleeding

Warning Signs Attendance problems Attendance problems Performance deterioration Performance deterioration Behavior changes Behavior changes Increase in accidents Increase in accidents Health problems Health problems Change in interpersonal relationships Change in interpersonal relationships

Referral Steps: Observe - Baseline Observe - Baseline Document – get feedback Document – get feedback Inform – setting, preparation Inform – setting, preparation Refer Refer Follow-up Follow-up

Group Exercise Brainstorm boundaries and setting limits: Brainstorm boundaries and setting limits: For each example, discuss what limits you would setFor each example, discuss what limits you would setF

Examples You receive a rude or belligerent from a parent who has some status in the community. You receive a rude or belligerent from a parent who has some status in the community. You are told by a staff member that another staff member, who is a good employee, has been coming to work with alcohol on their breath. You are told by a staff member that another staff member, who is a good employee, has been coming to work with alcohol on their breath. You are now supervising someone who used to be a colleague of yours. They have a negative attitude towards you, making subtle disparaging remarks to you in front of others. You are now supervising someone who used to be a colleague of yours. They have a negative attitude towards you, making subtle disparaging remarks to you in front of others. Should you be on Facebook? Should you be on Facebook?

Examples You’re aware that a friend of yours who is a peer administrator, is handling a situation unethically. You’re aware that a friend of yours who is a peer administrator, is handling a situation unethically. You become the supervisor of someone who is a personal friend that you do things with. He/she has been coming in late. You become the supervisor of someone who is a personal friend that you do things with. He/she has been coming in late. You supervise someone you used to be a peer. You supervise someone you used to be a peer. Should you be friends with people on your staff? Should you be friends with people on your staff?

Examples There are problems with the child of a teacher who is on your staff. There are problems with the child of a teacher who is on your staff. A long time staff member, who you like, has started coming in late. When you approach him/her, they tell you it’s because of a problem at home, and they’ll be able to take care of it soon. A long time staff member, who you like, has started coming in late. When you approach him/her, they tell you it’s because of a problem at home, and they’ll be able to take care of it soon. Your child works for MCPS and is having problems with their supervisor. Your child works for MCPS and is having problems with their supervisor.

Closing….. Know your limits/boundaries – lines you will not cross and won’t let others cross Know your limits/boundaries – lines you will not cross and won’t let others cross Recognize your role Recognize your role Use positive communication skills Use positive communication skills Build resiliency Build resiliency Focus on what you have control over Focus on what you have control over Use EAP as a resource Use EAP as a resource

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