Feel it Big on the Inside: Express it Smaller when in Public

Thinking about what people think about you We think about each other People remember when you make them feel comfortable and uncomfortable Which do you think they are more likely to remember? ** More likely to remember when someone made us feel upset We are most likely having uncomfortable or weird thoughts

What do you remember about Buddy from the movie ELF? Remember most of the funny things he did that made us have weird or uncomfortable thoughts http://safeshare.tv/w/bMAcAeTxje Dinner Scene What are they thinking of Buddy? How does his brother treat him at first?

How people feel about us affects how they treat us What he does How others FEEL about what he does Consequences based on how others feel How does he feel about how he was treated

How people feel about us affects how they treat us What he does How others FEEL about what he does Consequences based on how others feel How does he feel about how he was treated Decorations, Syrup, Burping Brother feels uncomfortable, has weird thoughts Brother ignores him after school, tries to get away from Buddy Buddy keeps trying to get him to hang out, doesn’t understand why he wants to get away from him

We typically treat people…. Okay/well when we have good thoughts about them More likely to treat someone badly when we have uncomfortable thoughts about them Same goes for other people: Likely they will treat you the best when they have good thoughts about you Likely they will treat you the worst when they have weird or uncomfortable thoughts about you Uncomfortable thoughts

In Elf, when does the brother start treating Buddy better? http://safeshare.tv/w/FYjyDnwfSG After school scene After the snowball fight- he has good thoughts about Buddy helping him As a result, he starts treating Buddy better What he does How others FEEL about what he does Consequences based on how others feel How does he feel about how he was treated

In Elf, when does the brother start treating Buddy better? What he does How others FEEL about what he does Consequences based on how others feel How does he feel about how he was treated Helps out his brother with kids throwing snowballs at him Brother has good thoughts; feels happy to have Buddy around Hangs out with him, gets Christmas tree, they have fun Buddy is happy to be hanging out with his brother

Read Comic & Complete Worksheet- JT’s problem What did he do (expected/unexpected) How others FEEL about his behavior CONSEQUENCES based on how others feel How does she FEEL about how she was treated What’s the problem here?

What are things that we FEEL BIG?

Size of the Problem Important to figure out how big a problem really is, because if you over-react to any size of problem, others can feel awkward, uncomfortable, or just plain annoyed How much emotion should you let fly out when you’re really upset and how much is supposed to stay in?

How much emotion we show depends on: Size of the problem Our age When a 4 year old throws a tantrum in a store about not getting a toy, what do we think? When a 13 year old throws a tantrum in a store about not getting a video game they want, what do we think? As we get older, we are supposed to get better at controlling how we express our emotions especially when out in public, like at school!

It’s okay to be upset or excited, but it’s how you handle it that can make others feel good or uncomfortable Kyle is really, really mad- others around him feel okay if he shows he is a little irritated. If Kyle starts yelling or pushing people- others will feel uncomfortable, which creates another problem

It’s okay to be upset or excited, but it’s how you handle it that can make others feel good or uncomfortable Example: Sara thinks something is hilarious in class, her best bet is to smile or laugh If Sara goes into a crazy laughing fit, where she is loud and laughs for a long time- people will be uncomfortable or annoyed http://safeshare.tv/w/vzzCkjeXMN Sheldon laughing hard

How did Sheldon make others feel? What did he do (expected/unexpected) How others FEEL about his behavior CONSEQUENCES based on how others feel How does he FEEL about how he was treated Laugh too much Confused Irritated Annoyed Might ask him to move his table Lonely, confused, disappointed, sad

Feel it Big on the Inside- Express is Smaller when in Public (FBI-ESP) May feel big emotions on the inside but keep the size of your expression smaller on the outside What do we do to help us express it smaller? Take deep breaths Think about others (they will have uncomfortable thoughts if we over-react) If home, go to your room for privacy; If at school, ask for a break ______________________

Feel it Big, Express it Small Watch clips and determine if the person felt it big but expressed it small http://safeshare.tv/w/GgNBerkIxP WWC What could Sheldon have done to express it small? What did he do (expected/unexpected) How others FEEL about his behavior CONSEQUENCES based on how others feel How does he FEEL about how she was treated Called the police Confused Stressed out embarassed Cant help you People wont believe him Upset

Feel it Big, Express it Small http://safeshare.tv/w/AhdLPqtcQA Video Games Did Sheldon express it small this time? Is it appropriate to call the police if your apartment gets broken into? - Yes, the reaction matches the size of the problem

Can anyone think about a time….

More on Public vs. Private

Why don’t we want to act on how we feel? Big reactions make others (teachers, peers) upset too, which creates more problems Teacher gets frazzled, concerned, or angry Students get frustrated, embarrassed or irritated at the person There are usually consequences for over-reacting Nagged by a parent or teacher Peers have weird thoughts Might not want to be friends with you Suspension/ Detention

What are the consequences for Expressing it Small in Public? People have good thoughts about you Class is able to go on with what they were doing You might earn superstars on your point sheet Peers might want to be friends with you

Social Behavior Map What the person DOES How others FEEL about their behaviors CONSEQUENCES based on how person feels How does person FEEL about how he/she was treated

Complete worksheet Write or draw how you would feel and how you would react to express it small

FBI-ESP Thinking and Saying are Two Different Things Brain Filters Clips- Does Sheldon use his brain filter? To Speak or Not to Speak worksheet

Clips TBBT- does sheldon use his brain filter? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2hIIvF5gJI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YszYmO_2KHw TTBT- use of sarcasm to social fake http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJp2XAWma_I