BEFORE YOU SAY, “I DO” Courtship: Preparation for Marriage Humboldt Summer Series

INTRODUCTION I can not pick who you will marry. Marriage is one of those “life changing” choices that we make. Did you make the right choice? How can we help young people date the right person? Marry the right person?

INTRODUCTION I will try to offer some suggestions about dating and getting ready for marriage. I do some pre-marriage counseling before performing a wedding ceremony. I will give you 5 keys to a SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

GOD, FAITH, RELIGION Several studies have been done – following those who marry Christians, and those who don’t marry a Christian. Source: Jacksonville Student Center, Jacksonville, AL In each study the findings are close enough to see a distinct pattern. Wynne, AR – 19 yr. study – marry a non- Christian – 80% leave the church

GOD, FAITH, RELIGION Miami, OK – 20 year study – Marry a non-Christian – 72% leave the church – Marry a Christian – 92% remain faithful Truth in Love – in OK – Marry a non-Christian – 70% leave the church – Marry a Christian – 94% remain faithful Summary – of the 3 studies – Marry a non-Christian – 80%, 72%, 70% leave – Marry a Christian – 92%, 94% remain faithful

GOD, FAITH, RELIGION Our faith must be the binder (glue) that holds the relationship together. NOT: – Good looks, muscles, hair style – Sports car, plays football, cheerleader Genesis 1:24 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. KJV – LEAVE and CLEAVE

COMMUNICATION Communication is the #1 problem seen by marriage counselors; Finances = #2 I have handed out these 10 rules to many dating couples and many married couples I have worked with. Arguing will happen. When a married man says he never had an argument with his wife – he will lie about other things, too.

COMMUNICATION 10 RULES FOR ARGUING 1.ONLY ONE ARGUMENT PER DAY 2.ONLY ONE SUBJECT IN ANY ONE ARGUMENT 3.NO ARGUMENT CAN LAST MORE THAN 30 MINUTES

COMMUNICATION 10 RULES FOR ARGUING 4.THE ONE WHO STARTS THE ARGUMENT CAN NOT WALK OUT OF THE ROOM 5.NOTHING MORE THAN 2 WEEKS OLD CAN BE BROUGHT UP 6.NO ARGUING WITHIN 1 HOUR OF RISING OR 2 HOURS BEFORE BEDTIME

COMMUNICATION 10 RULES FOR ARGUING 7.NO VIOLENCE 8.NO PROFANITY 9.YOU MAY HOLLER AS LONG AS IT CAN NOT BE HEARD BY ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR SPOUSE (DATE) 10.THE ARGUMENT CAN NOT BE AT MEAL TIME

COMMUNICATION James 1:19 – So then my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Marriage counselor suggested some ways to improve communication – man resisted

COMMITMENT For a marriage relationship to last – there MUST BE COMMITMENT – Commitment to God – Commitment to each other – Commitment to the relationship Ephesians 5:31 – LEAVE – CLEAVE Matthew 19:5 – LEAVE – CLEAVE NOTE: Greek word for “cleave” = GLUE

DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX FORNICATION (“sexual immorality” in many translations) = any sexual activity outside of marriage 1 Thessalonians 4: For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,

DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX 1 Corinthians 6: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX Another statistic for you – Those who are NOT sexually active before marriage – the divorce rate is 2% Those who live together before marriage – the divorce rate is 50% (above the national average of about 30%)

DATING & PRE-MARITAL SEX I challenge all who might be tempted to engage in fornication before marriage – learn to say what Joseph said. Genesis 39:9b - How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?“

DATING AGE Source: Oak Hills Church of Christ, San Antonio, TX – Start dating at 12 – 91% divorce rate – Start dating at 13 – 56% divorce rate – Start dating at 14 – 53% divorce rate – Start dating at 15 – 40% divorce rate – Start dating at 16 – 20% divorce rate

DATING AGE ONE FINAL TRUTH: YOU ONLY MARRY A PERSON THAT YOU DATED! Be cautious who you date – you might marry them.