Dating Violence High School Students (Age 14-18)

Dating Violence Dating violence is defined by the United Stated Department of Justice as “the perpetration or threat of an act of violence by at least one member of an unmarried couple on the other member within the context of dating or courtship.” This also includes dating between same sex couples.

Characteristics of Dating Violence Dating violence is a pattern of violent behavior that someone uses against a girlfriend or boyfriend Dating violence can take many forms, including psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse Occurs in both casual dating situations and serious, long- term relationships

Domestic Violence Statistics An average of 28% of high school and college students experience dating violence at some point. One in five adolescent girls will be physically and/or sexually abused in a dating relationship. Physical and sexual abuse against adolescent girls in dating relationships increases the likelihood that the girl will abuse drugs and/or alcohol, develop an eating disorder, consider and/or attempt suicide, engage in risky sexual behavior and/or become pregnant. 10% of high school students experienced physical violence in dating relationships. Increases to 22% among college students. 22% of women reported physical or sexual abuse before the age of 18. Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten, raped, or killed. 95% of the victims are female. 95% of the perpetrators are male.

Characteristics of Abuse In Dating Relationships

Signs of a Healthy Relationship Partnership Emotional Equality Emotional Honesty Sexual Respect for one another Caring for each others physical safety

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship Jealousy Quick involvement Hypersensitivity Controlling behavior Verbal abuse Threats of violence Any type of force used during an argument

Myths and Facts MYTH: The victim is responsible for the violence because she/he provokes it. FACT: No one asks to be abused. And no one deserves to be abused regardless of what they say or do. MYTH: Violence only occurs in a small percentage of relationships. FACT: Estimates report that violence occurs in ¼ to ⅓ of all intimate relationships. This applies to heterosexual as well as same- sex relationships. MYTH: Once a battered woman, always a battered woman. FACT: While some battered women have been in more than one abusive relationship, women who receive domestic violence services are the least likely to enter another abusive relationship.

Signs and Symptoms of an Abusive Relationship Being fearful of your boyfriend/ girlfriend a large percentage of the time Being worried about arousing your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s negative reaction or anger Feeling that you cannot do anything right for your boyfriend/girlfriend Feeling so badly about yourself that you think you deserve to be physically hurt

Signs and Symptoms of an Abusive Relationship Losing the love and respect that you once had for your boyfriend/girlfriend Thinking that you are overreacting to your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s behaviors Fantasizing about ways to kill your boyfriend/girlfriend to get them out of your life Being afraid that your boyfriend/girlfriend may try to kill you

Signs and Symptoms of an Abusive Relationship Feeling that there is nowhere to turn for help Feeling emotionally numb Feeing that dating violence is normal

Characteristics of Your Boyfriend’s/Girlfriend’s Lack of Control Over Their Own Behavior Boyfriend/girlfriend having low self-esteem Feeling powerless, ineffective, or inadequate in the world, although they are outwardly successful Boyfriend/girlfriend externalizing the causes of their own behavior  blaming their violence on stress, alcohol, or a “bad day” Boyfriend/girlfriend being unpredictable

Characteristics to Look for When Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend May Resort to Violence Stress Aggravation by the intimate partner Depression Desperation Jealousy Anger

Characteristics of Your Boyfriend’s/Girlfriend’s Violent or Threatening Behavior Boyfriend/girlfriend having a bad temper Your boyfriend/girlfriend has threatened to hurt you or kill you Boyfriend/girlfriend has physically hurt you

Signs that a Person is a Victim of Abuse Signs of abuse are often noticeable. If you witness a cluster of the following warning signs, you can reasonably suspect abuse: Bruises and other signs of impact on the skin, with the excuse of “accidents” Depression, crying Truancy and dropping out of School. Failing Grades. Changes in mood or personality. Frequent and sudden absences or lateness Fear of the boyfriend/girlfriend, references to the boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s anger Decreased productivity and attentiveness Isolation from friends and family Use of drugs/ alcohol – where there was no prior use. Emotional outbursts

Characteristics of Your Boyfriend’s/Girlfriend’s Violent or Threatening Behavior Boyfriend/girlfriend has threatened to commit suicide, especially as a way of keeping you from leaving Boyfriend/girlfriend has forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to Boyfriend/girlfriend has threatened you at school Boyfriend/girlfriend destroy your belongings

What would you do?

Actions to Take if Dating Violence Occurs Seek medical attention Talk to someone Have a safety plan Read up on your legal rights Know that you are not alone Know that the abuse is NOT your fault Keep a written record of the abuse If abuse continues, Get OUT!

Seek Medical Attention If you are badly hurt call or go to the nearest hospital emergency room

Talk to Someone Part of the abuser's power comes from secrecy of the abuse. Let people know what is happening so they can look out for you. Remember any pattern of abuse, is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Have A Safety Plan If I decide to leave, where are the places I can go to feel comfortable and safe? I will always let ________and _________ know where I am and with whom I am staying. I will always carry ___________'s phone number, in case I need to call them because I am uncomfortable or I am being hurt. Their number is ( ) -. In an emergency, I can call 911 or the statewide hotline number SAFE, or my local domestic violence program, Peaceful Paths Domestic Abuse Network at (352) My code word is ________. This is a signal for my family, friends, and neighbors to help me, in case I need to assistance without alarming my abuser. After leaving a relationship, it is important to STAY safe: - Mix up your schedule. - Take different routes on the way to class, to work, or back home. - Walk with friends. - Avoid contact with your abusive ex-partner. - If possible, change all your phone numbers.

Your Legal Rights There are laws to help and protect you. For example, if you are under 18, you may be able to get a protection order with the help of an adult. This says the abuser may not harass you or come into contact with you for up to 90 days.

You Are Not Alone Abusers often isolate victims and threaten harm if anyone else discovers the abuse. As a result, victims think they are the only ones involved in this type of relationship. Dating violence happens more than you think, and people are prepared to help.

It’s Not Your Fault Abusers blame their victims as though they deserve to be abused. The perpetrator is ALWAYS responsible for his/her actions. Abusers are completely responsible for their behavior, regardless of their habits or weaknesses.

Keep A Written Record Keep a log of every abusive incident that occurs Let someone know about the abuse

Get Out! If abuse continues leave the relationship Myth: Dating violence is a one-time event