Marriage God’s Way The Duties of the Wife to the Contract As was stated in the previous lesson, the subject of marriage and how to have a successful one (one is pleasing to God and each other, not just one that lasts), is one on which no amount of teaching seems to completely cover. Society is so far out of line with biblical teaching on it that probably several “understanding” generations would be necessary to correct it. But society will only, if at all, be led back to biblical marriages by godly examples from us. Having already looked at both the Concept and Purpose of the institution, as well as the Duties of the Husband to it, let’s now examine,

Again, The Duties of Marriage: Remember first that this is God’s Institution given to us for His purposes and our benefit. Anyone who truly wants a successful and happy marriage must: 1.Understand and accept this principle; and 2.Be willing to work (hard, especially initially) to fulfill his or her obligations to the contract as promised before God and to each other, cf. Rom.1:31 re: “untrustworthy”.

The Duties of Marriage: What Wives are pledging with “I Do” : A. To render proper Submission, Eph.5:22. The term submission comes from the Greek hupotasso (hupo, under + tasso, to arrange). It thus literally means to arrange oneself under another (one’s control). But how? 1.The submission is to “your own husband” and not every man, Eph.5:22. You voluntarily chose to marry, and thus submit to, this man whom you trust implicitly- such is not true for other men! Women should, in my opinion, hold men, in general, in respect in the same way that men, in general, should hold women in high regard. But such being said, submission is still specific to marriage. 2.This submission to her husband involves no degradation whatsoever. Proof? Question: “Does the submission of the church to her Spiritual Groom involve degradation, or honor and glory? Eph.5:23-24 The word, concept, and applications are the same for the wife and her husband!

The Duties of Marriage: What Wives are pledging with “I Do” : A.To render proper Submission, Eph.5:22. 3.The subordination of the wife to her own husband is to be “as to the Lord” v.22b. What does this mean? 4.It means the same thing here as it does in 1Cor.11:3; Heb.13:17; and Rom.13:1,5. It further means the same thing as does Eph.5:24. But such does not equal “doormat to trod upon”! It means the wife is to arrange herself under in a subordinate manner to the headship (leadership) of her husband. But….

The Duties of Marriage: What Wives are pledging with “I Do” : A.To render proper Submission, Eph.5:22. 4.(cont.) It does not prevent:  her letting her wishes and desires be known to him regarding any aspect of the family;  her from disagreeing with him whether he is right or wrong;  her from being her own person with independent thought and action; indeed, she too will be judged individually as will he, 2Cor.5:10. It does prevent: –her demanding her will over his, cf. 1Pet.3:1 –her being in anyway or anytime disrespectful to him, Eph.5:33; 1Pet.3:1-6 –her being unsupportive of non-sinful decisions he makes regarding the family, even if she disagrees, Gen.2:18, ; 12:1, 4-5; 1Pet.3:6. He will ultimately give account as head, she will answer for her submission. Understand: There is no real submission when there is only agreement!

The Duties of Marriage: What Wives are pledging with “I Do” : B. To render proper Love, Titus 2:3-5. We must dispel the notion that true, biblical love is something one “falls into”- infatuation or lust may be fallen into, but not love! So what type of “love” is this saying that must be taught, and therefore learned? 1.The love here is philandros and is found only here in the N.T. It is phileo, dear/friendly/fondness + andros, a man, or individual male. Older women are to teach younger women how to like, or be fond of, perhaps to appreciate their husbands in a practical sense. In essence, how to manage and manifest those feelings toward their husbands- perhaps through submissive service as in v.5. 2.Love of children must also be learned- philoteknos (phileo + teknos, children). While there is certainly “natural affection” of a mother to her child, again it is the practical application of such love that must be taught and learned, v.5.

The Duties of Marriage: What Wives are pledging with “I Do” : C. To render proper Respect, Eph.5:33; 1Pet.3:2. Submission without respect is, on one hand, self- deprecating and self-destructive, and on the other hand, slavery. Therefore, no marriage can be mutually satisfying without mutual respect. 1.In our society where mates are chosen rather than arranged, this should be a non-issue. Why would any woman agree to marry a man she did not respect? Yet it happens over and over. But as with the husband in 1Pet.3:7, the wife is to grant or apportion respect to her husband because he is her husband. He too said “yes” and should be respected for it! 2.But respect, like love, should grow and mature in marriage. As he learns to be a better head, be sure that your respect grows commensurately- and that he knows it does. 3.And by the way, respect should be much more of a motivation for marriage than lust, convenience, security, etc. and the other more common reasons to wed.

The Duties of Marriage: What Wives are pledging with “I Do” : D. To render proper Respect, Eph.5:33; 1Pet.3:2. Submission without respect is, on one hand, self- deprecating and self-destructive, and on the other hand, slavery. Therefore, no marriage can be mutually satisfying without mutual respect. 1.In our society where mates are chosen rather than arranged, this should be a non-issue. Why would any woman agree to marry a man she did not respect? Yet it happens over and over. But as with the husband in 1Pet.3:7, the wife is to grant or apportion respect to her husband because he is her husband. He too said “yes” and should be respected for it! 2.But respect, like love, should grow and mature in marriage. As he learns to be a better head, be sure that your respect grows commensurately- and that he knows it does. 3.And by the way, respect should be much more of a motivation for marriage than lust, convenience, security, etc. and the other more common reasons to wed.

Conclusions: What is the Duty of the Wife to Marriage? To render proper Submission to her husband, as to the Lord. To learn and render proper Love to her husband and her children. To render proper Respect to her husband. In these ways, she is pleasing to God and revered by her family, Prov.31:28-31!