Non-Fiction Writing With grateful thanks to Mrs Fowler for leading our learning. Whole School Writing Morning using the Grammar Rainbow
Improving our Non-Fiction Writing Following on from our successful whole school Fiction Writing Morning, the staff decided that it would be good for us all to work together again, but this time on a non-fiction genre. They decided to use the story of Goldilocks again, but this time to develop our report writing.
Improving our Non-Fiction Writing This time we worked in groups from the start. Each group wrote its own report, then worked through a variety of exercises, before trying to use the techniques taught to write a better newspaper report. On the following pages you can see our first attempts and our second drafts.
Group 1 – First attempt Goldilocks One sunny morning Goldilocks was strolling through the forest. Then she found a little cottage in the forest. She knocked on the door and no one was there. So she went in. Then she saw the porridge on the table and she tried the first bowl on the table. This had good sentences and a title, but was telling the story rather than being a report.
Boom! WOW! Fantastic!
Group 1 – Second attempt Goldilocks leaves House Bare! The day before yesterday three angry bears came home and discovered a horrible girl, who was always naughty, had broken into their house. Baby Bear said “Someone was sat in my chair and now it is broken, so daddy bought me a new one and it is metal so no one can break it.” The police are going to try and find Goldilocks so they can lock her up. Daddy Bear had this to say, “I am so upset about this and now I am going to lock the door and never ever leave the house again.” This is what Mummy Bear had to say, “I am not bothered about it. We can just buy all the new stuff that we lost.” Wow! A pun in the headline, and much better report writing, including quotes. Well done!
Group 2 – First attempt Breaking News! A small girl has broken into three bears house. She caused 50% damage to the house. Mr Bear said, “I am very angry about the breaking of Baby Bear’s chair. He will not stop crying, he is so disappointed!” The girl has been caught. She is now in her cell crying. She says she feels sorry, but is this true? Is she just trying to fool us so she can go back to the bears’ house to break more things? This had a title and quotes but could do with more detail.
Boom! WOW! Fantastic!
Group 2 – Second attempt Goldie Locked up! The police have today revealed the identity of the cunning, young criminal involved in last weeks woodland mishap. Miss Goldilocks, aged 9, from Beehive Cottage, was caught red handed. Baby Bear told us, “it was horrible, I’m still not sleeping.” The bears came home to find their house was trashed. They are now moving to a new address. Miss Goldie Locks has been sentenced to 9 years at a home for troubled girls. Wow! Another pun in the headline, and focussed report writing, including quotes. Well done!
Group 3 – First attempt I was walking through a forest then, at just that point, I saw three bears going for a stroll. Then a little girl saw the bears cottage and crept in. I went to the window to see what she was doing and she was eating from all three bowls of porridge. This was telling the story rather than being a report and it had no headline.
Boom! WOW! Fantastic!
Group 3 – Second attempt The Surprise Break-in News! A young naughty girl seen fleeing from a bears cottage. The bears were devastated by the mess that was caused by the golden haired girl. The bears were annoyingly shocked by the mess left behind from the naughty girl. Look at the difference! A headline and a change in the style of writing to non- fiction looking at feelings. Well done!
Group 4 – First attempt Goldilocks Steals Bears Porridge NEWSFLASH: Little girl Goldilocks walked into the bears house. Goldilocks sneaked into the bears’ house and ate their porridge. She also damaged the bears’ property. Goldilocks ate all of baby bear’s porridge and broke the chairs. She was then found by the bears in baby bears bed. Goldilocks had this to say, “I’m very sorry for going into the bears house. I will never go into anyone’s house again.” Some great report writing ideas, including a headline. Could there be better detail?
Boom! WOW! Fantastic!
Group 4 – Second attempt Baffled Bears! Yesterday, the three bears, who had been for a walk, were angry when they discovered that vicious Goldilocks had carelessly broken into their beautiful house. Goldilocks sneaked into the bears’ house and ate their porridge. Father Bear was furious when he found out that Goldilocks had broken in. Father Bear screeched, “I am furious. I don’t believe it. Goldilocks ate all of baby bear’s porridge and broke his chair. She was then discovered in baby bear’s bed.” Goldilocks then had this to say, “ I am so, so sorry. I will never go into anyone else’s house again.” An alliterative headline, opening sentence and much more detail. Well done!
Group 5 – First attempt Disaster! Yesterday when the bears came home they got broken into. The person had eaten their porridge, broken a chair, and slept in their beds. And worst of all, the girl was still sleeping in their bed. She ran away and was never seen again. A headline, and some good ideas, but it ends like a story.
Boom! WOW! Fantastic!
Group 5 – Second attempt Burglar-Locks Terrified bears of Growly Cottage speak of a shocking incident that happened in broad day light at 7.30am yesterday. Three bears came home from a walk in the woods to find somebody in their cottage. Firstly they saw Baby Bear’s chair was broken. Daddy Bear said, “Baby Bear is very upset about his chair.” Also Mummy Bear told us of her upset that somebody could just help themselves to their steaming porridge. In the end they discovered Goldilocks in Baby Bear’s bed. Baby bear said, “wah wah!” The police have Goldilocks in a cell. A clever headline, opening sentence and much better detail. Well done!
What a difference! We were really impressed with how much the children’s understanding of report writing improved, and how much better their sentences became. This is all the children’s own work. Staff acted as scribes and prompts only. We are looking forward to using these ideas to improve our individual writing. Watch this space for some examples!