Peer Mediation and Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution Program Working It Out Together

WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT TO LEARN: 1. To learn that each conflict offers a chance to learn and grow when a “win- win” resolution is found. 2. To learn and practice the six stages of conflict mediation. 3. Facilitators who give their best effort.

WHAT WE EXPECT FROM YOU: 1. Willingness to learn and be open-minded. 2. Agreement to practice non-violent conflict resolution in your own life. 3. Follow the model of conflict mediation presented to you.

FROM THIS, YOU WILL LEARN: How to peacefully find solutions to conflicts. Be a good school citizen who can solve problems without violence. Be an honest, trustworthy, respectful, and responsible, person. Show fairness and caring by not taking sides and showing appreciation to others. Act responsible by working hard and listening well.

TALE OF TWO DONKEYS There are several different ways to solve conflicts. 1. pulling against each other (no one wins) 2. not being willing to compromise (no one wins) 3. and 4. working together to make things fair for both people

PERCEPTIONS Everyone views things differently, what do you see when you look at this picture? (An old lady or a young girl?)

A photographic version of the old hag or young woman image

A vase or head to head?

Can you see a dog in this jumble?

What is this? A beggar or a face?

A male representation of the old hag / young woman

An Indian or an Eskimo?

Duck or Rabbit?

How many people can you see in this picture?

What do you see here ? A donkey or a seal ?

Do you see an old man or a kissing couple ?

Can you see the three hidden faces?

One face or two ?

Saxophone player or a woman's face ?

COMMUNICATION IS: (1)What you say (15%) & (2)How you say it! (85%)

Rules For Being A Good Listener Listen as if you were in the other person’s place. This will help you better understand what the person is saying and how he/she feels. Show you understand and care with verbal and nonverbal behavior –Tone of voice –Facial expressions –Gestures –Eye contact –posture

More Rules For Being A Good Listener Restate the person’s most important thoughts and feelings Do not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not begin to talk about problems you have or bring up similar experiences of your own.

Non-Verbal Listening Skills stands for “Ready” and “Relaxed”. Good listeners clear their mind of almost everything except what the speaker is saying stands for “Open”. An “open” stance means looking like you are open to hearing what is said. stands for “Lean Forward”. To show your interest in what another person is saying, lean forward a little. Shows that you care. stands for “Eye Contact”. Eye contact shows a person that he/she is important. stands for “Square”. When sitting or standing to a person speaking with you, keep your shoulders and the rest of your body squarely facing the speaker.

Active Listening Techniques STATEMENT TYPES PURPOSETO DO THISEXAMPLES Encouraging To convey interest To encourage the other person to keep talking. -Don’t agree or disagree. -Use Neutral words. -Use varying voice intonations “Can you tell me more?” “I wonder if…” “Please continue…” Clarifying To help you clarify what is said. To get more information. To help speaker see other points of view. -Ask questions -Restate wrong interpretation to encourage speaker to explain further. “When did this happen?” “What I hear you saying…” “What did the other person say?”

STATEMENT TYPEPURPOSETO DO THISEXAMPLES Restating Shows you are listening and understanding. To check your meaning and interpretation - Restate basic ideas, facts. “So, you would like your parents to trust you more, Is that right?” “Could this be what’s going on, you…” Reflecting To show that you understand how the person feels. To help the person evaluate his/her own feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else. - Reflect the speaker’s basic feelings. “You seem very upset.” “Perhaps you’re feeling sad.” “You sound angry.” Summarizing Reviews Progress Pull together important ideas and facts To establish a basis for further discussion. - Restate major ideas expressed including feelings “Let me see if I understand you…” “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed…”

Communication Leads “What I hear you saying…” “You feel …” “From your point of view…” “It seems to you…” “From where you stand…” “As you see it…” “You believe…” “You’re… (identify the feeling: angry, sad, overjoyed, etc.)” “I’m picking up that you…”

HAVING TROUBLE CLEARLY UNDERSTANDING? TRY ONE OF THESE PHRASES! “I wonder if…” “I’m not sure if I’m with you, but…” “What I guess I’m hearing is…” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but…” “This is what I think I hear you saying…” “Let me see if I understand: you…”

Signs of Increasing Anxiety (Non-Directed) Leg Jiggling Hair Pulling or Twirling Finger Tapping Toe Tapping Squirming in seat Curling or Moving Lips Clenching Jaw Clenching Fist

Signs of Increasing Anxiety (Directed) SarcasmIncidental name calling (ex: “If he wasn’t such a pig”) Speed of Talking Changes Tone of Voice Changes Refusal Questioning Standing instead of Sitting Posturing with Arms of Legs in Threatening Pose

Signs of Verbal Acting Out (These are not okay to use when trying to solve conflicts) Name Calling Intimidating Threatening Demanding

Signs of Physical Acting Out (these are also not okay to use during conflict resolution) Hitting Kicking Pulling Clawing Biting Grabbing Throwing any object that is intended to harm another individual.

Stage I: Introduction & Ground Rules for Conflict Resolution Introductions are made Get VERBAL yes/no to ground rules 1. Remain Seated 2. No Interruptions 3. Respect each other – no put downs

Stage II: Telling the Story Each person gets a chance to tell their side of the story. During this time the other person should be listening and trying to really understand what the other person is saying! Each person gets a chance to tell their side so it does not matter who goes first

Stage III: Understanding the Problem Try to figure out: “What does ____ say the problem is?” Ask them: “Is this correct?” Do this for you and the person you are disagreeing with Ask each other: “How do you think I feel?” Ask: “Do you understand how I feel?” (if either says NO, repeat stages II & III)

Stage IV: Identifying Solutions Each person will come up with solutions to solve the problem Alternate asking each other for solutions Write down ALL solutions If either of you get “stuck”, ask, “What do you need to solve the problem?” or “What can I do to help solve the problem?” Read back solutions, one by one. Ask each other if you both agree after you read each solution. Ask: “Are there any more solutions to be added?”

Stage V: Resolution Re-read the agreement Write down all solutions agreed upon and keep that so that if you have a disagreement later you know what you are supposed to be doing

Personal Safety Conflict Mediators NEVER get involved in a physical conflict. Mediators always get help from an adult.