Yes, You Can Do it and More! Session 3 Madina A.

Contents  Review session 1&2  Responsibility  Formula E+R=O  Why and how to set goals?  Creativity/Problem solution enhancement

Recap  Fears – are all programmed and thus can be reprogrammed  Fear of rejection: the truth is... people don't think of you. Maximum what they think of you is what you think of them! Don't be afraid of people's judgment  Fear of failure: every biggest success in history was usually preceded by the biggest failure. Fear of failure shouldn't stop you.  Exercises to deal with fears  New! “In the now” exercise: note that all the worries you have bring you either to your past or future that you cannot know. Bring your thoughts to the present moment, where everything is still fine.  Fears are related to negative expectations, which in turn create negative self-fulfilling prophecies.  Difference between conscious and unconscious minds

Self-Talk Cycle Conscious mind, which decided whether to accept or decline the incoming information Subconscious mind, which takes the accepted information as undisputable truth and creates thoughts/emotions/b ehavior/observations in a matter consistent with this belief Note the dialogue going on in your conscious mind, and what ideas you accept at the end of it

Methods  How to track your dialogues?  Empty chair technique  You are not your thoughts! If you are, who is then replying to them?  Meditation is the best way to detach yourself from thoughts  Discipline yourself to ask the right (positive) questions, it is one of the keys to success  Instead of „what is wrong with me?“ you ask „what is my strength that can be used to resolve this situation?“

Responsibility  The law of cause and effect (Thoughts are causes and events are effects)  Feedback from previous session: How dare you to say that I am responsible for my traumatic event?  And I say, Not for the event, but for what you will do with it now. That's the difference between responsibility and guilt. Guilt is about things in the past that cannot be changed.  AND!  You performed to the best of your knowledge back then.  Cultural differences of seeing a psychologist – in case of trauma, even if you are coming from a culture where seeing a professional in this area is stigmatized, I urge you to invest your time in seeing counselors at CEU.

100% Responsibility  Robert Resnik: E+R=O  Every outcome (O) you experience is the result of how you have responded (R) to the earlier event/s (E) in your life  So what? 2 choices:  Blame the event for the lack of results  Change your response (R) to the events (E) – the way things are – until you get the outcomes (O) you want.

Limiting Factors If they were the determining factors, no one would achieve anything. Same limiting events influence differently on different people. Therefore, it is up to you on how you will respond by thinking and behaving: the only 2 areas you have over control anyways.

Examples  Event: You receive partial scholarship/little money from home  R: Spend it all in 1 night in Szimpla bar  O: U r under-eating/eating junk food – feeling unhappy  E: You receive partial scholarship/little money from home  R: Find cheapest food market, use internet to cook food  O: You eat healthy food and have extra money

Habits  If you keep on doing what you have always done, you will keep on getting what you have always got.  It is essential to create new habits, some of which include:  Give up blaming  Give up complaining  It's simple, but not necessarily easy!

New Habit: Concentrating on What You Want  How setting goals get people out of stress?  It trains you to see broader picture rather then concentrating on minor everyday obstacles  It sharpen your vision  It makes you think more of opportunities in the future, rather then failure in the past. Thinking about your failures (whether blaming yourself or others) is one of the key bases of stress and depression  Research in Yale university in 1953.

Where to Begin/Continue?  Before writing out your goals every morning, ask yourself these questions:  What are my core values?  What would I do, if I was told that I have only 6 months of life left? Where would I go? Whom would I see?  What is something that I always wanted, but afraid to start?  What is at least one area, where I feel the biggest feeling of self-importance?  If genie came up to me and said that he can make only 1 wish come true, what would it be? Write down the answer that comes up only within first 30 seconds

And then... Write down the goals that have to be believable to you, but at the same time stretch your mind: i.e. have 50/50 probability

Standard Areas of Goal-Setting  Personal/career  Social  Self-development

Steps  Decide exactly what you want and in what priority  Write in down  Set a deadline  Write everything you would have to do to achieve it. Keep building the list  Organize your list into a plan in order and sequence in forms of boxes and circles  Take action on the plan immediately  Resolve to do something every day that would move you towards this goal

More!  Decide what is one goal that would have the biggest positive effect on all areas of your life?  Decide what is the biggest/harder thing that needs to be done for this and start it first.  Avg of 10 goals for 1 year  3P's rule: positive, present, personal (discussed in last sessions)

Creativity Techniques  Question and 30 min still  Question and answer in a non-related area  Humor  Anchor on creativity and motivation.

Thank you!

Next Session  Creativity and Problem Solution Skills