Ruta Sepetys

June 14, 1941  I was getting ready for bed, when I heard a pounding at the door. Mother told me to stay in my room and not open the door. I was so confused because mother had never talked to me in that tone before. When I peeked through the crack, even though she told me not to. I saw her standing in the hallway, looking up as if she were praying. The pounding on the door did not stop. It go louder and then I heard screaming. Lina peeked out her door as well and we saw each other and stared in confusion. Mother answered the door then came back to my room and told me to get dressed and pack my suitcase. I thought it was morning, so I got dressed for school in my uniform. When I went into Lina’s room and told mother I was ready, she had a look of shock on her face. She pulled me back to my room told me to put on pants, shirt and my coat. She also started grabbing a change of clothes and put them into my suit case. She was hurrying around and telling Lina and I to hurry up. I could not understand why men in our home were yelling and yelling in a different language. I had no idea what they were saying, mother just said, it was all going to be alright.

June 14, 1941  Nearly four hours had past since we were loaded onto a truck with others, who I did not know. I heard the NKVD officers say we were waiting for a woman to have a baby and then we would be on our way… I still had no idea where we were going and why. I asked mother where father was and she continued to say he will be meeting us. There was a very crude man on the truck with us. He lost his mind and jumped from the truck. He broke his leg on the fall then expected us to help him. I followed mothers orders and helped him into the truck and held his head for him. Mother is such a caring woman, she always thinks of others before her self. I have learned that from her, be kind to those around you, even if they are rude to you. Soon I heard screams from the outside of the truck, I turned to see a woman with blood stains on her gown, crying for her baby. She was hoisted up onto the truck, where mother held her hand and wrapped her arms around her. In all the confusion I did not notice that Lina was holding a bundle in her arms. There was so much screaming and confusion going in inside the truck, I did not know which way to turn. Between the man with the broken leg, the woman how was all bloody and now the bundle in Lina’s arms. Mother continued to tell me things were going to be all right, and to keep quiet.

June 15, 1941  Hours must have passed maybe even a day I could not tell. I was so tired and confused, were we being arrested? But for what? When the NKVD officers opened the back of the truck. The officers continued to yell at us like we were in trouble “davai” over and over! Mother put her arm around me and told me to walk quickly and stay close. One of the soldiers grabbed me by my shoulder and be gain to take me away from mother. She screamed at him to stop and would not let go of my arm. I was so scared, I was crying and confused. Mother started to talk Russian to the man and offered him an amber pendant that was around her neck. He did not stop pulling on me so she then pulled a pocket watch from her coat. It belonged to her father, why would mother want to give that away? Finally, after the solider took the necklace and the pocket watch, he released me to mother. Lina and mother hugged me so tightly. I did not want to be separated from them, what would I have done? I was so scared, I wish I understood why they wanted to take me away from mother and Lina.

June 1941  When I was able to focus again on where we were, I noticed we were at a train yard I figured we were going on a train, but not this train. The train in front of us was for livestock not humans. I was wrong, they ordered us onto the train and it smelled and was dirty. I asked mother why we were getting on a train for animals and she told me it would all be ok and we were going to meet father. I just have to believe my mothers words – I am to scared not to.

June 1941  I have lost track of what day it is. We have been on this train for days – weeks. It is horrible, I have to use a hole in the side of the car to relive myself. People are getting sick and dying in front of me. The baby was screaming all the time, according to the other ladies on the train, the baby would not eat. If she does not eat, she will die and that will be yet another child who had died on this horrible journey we are on. While on the train, we met a boy named Andrius – I liked him, he was older than me and seemed so wise. He seemed strong and I think he liked me to. He would stare at Lina in a sweet way.

July 1914  Lina and I snuck off the train at one of our stops and found father. His voice sounded so different, sad, scared, I can figure it out. He gave Lina his wedding band and told us to give it to mother. He told us to be brave and take care of each other, not to leave each other alone. He told us it would all be ok and to do as we are told.

July 1941  The train slowed down and we were stopping at another train yard. Everyone on the train was asleep, including mother. Me, Lina and Andrius decided to jump off the train to see if we could find father. Andrius was also wanting to find his father. His mother was so saddened and he wanted to bring her some good news of hearing from his father. As we jumped from the train, our hearts were pounding and we were scared of being caught. If we got caught, we would be killed. We went to a few trains and asked if father was inside. Many people said no until we came to a train and father was on it. We were communicating to him through the small hole at the side of the train where people relived themselves. He handed us some clothing, his wedding ring and some ham. He insisted that we eat the ham and give a piece to mother. I was hesitant to eat the ham after is came through the nasty hole in the train, but father insisted and I followed his request.

August 1941  On our way back to our train, not wanting to leave father or Andrius (he insisted that he find his father and we head back to the train car before we get spotted) a NKVD officer yelled “halt” at us. We were so scared because we were standing right beside our train holding the clothing from father and Lina had the piece of ham in her coat. The officer pointed his pistol at mother because she was yelling our names. I was so afraid he was going to shoot her, the officers had not problem shooting anyone who was a nuisance or bothersome to them. Lina told them that we had dropped these things out the bathroom hole. The officer grabbed me and began checking my pockets – I was so thankful that Lina had the piece of ham in her coat pocket, how would I explain that? The officer shoved us to the dirt ground and pointed his pistol in our faces. I prayed that he would not shoot me. He yelled at us again to get back on the train. Mother was not happy with us, but when she heard we found father… it brought a much needed smile to her face.

August 1941  We arrived at another location. There was nothing around us. The officers let us off the train cars and we were able to sit and lay in the grass. So much has happened over the last few weeks – I don’t even know what day it is. The baby died of starvation and another woman on the train dropped her down the bathroom hole. I wonder what mother would have done if that were me or Lina. The officers are so rude and mean to us, why because we are Lithuania’s? We were living a happy life, in our home until the day they came and destroyed our lives. When will it all end, mother says soon. I hope she is right and soon we will be together with father. I am dirty, hungry, and tired. I miss my friends, school and my home.