1 Day 2 AM Objectives Purposeful communication –Who are you talking to you and why? (internal, external, client, team, awareness of levels/hierarchy) –Building a common terminology/vocabulary Conflict management at the CxO level – –Leader to leader –Getting the behaviors that you want

2 Attaining the Next Level in Leadership Communication

3 Purposeful Communication Who are you talking to and why? Why are we here? Law of agendas

4 Skill 1 - Active Listening Avoid Interference Distractions Closed mind Interrupting Jumping to conclusions Prejudice Thinking Speed Listen Actively Posture Open-ended questions & “I” statements Pause Integrate Paraphrase and Reflect Summarize Ideas Feelings Choose Words Non- Verbal Actions Speak Hear Know Words Non- Verbal Actions Ideas Feelings Noise Distractions Poor Connections

5 Skill 2 - Clear Communication The 5 questions, from Simplicity –What exactly do you want me to do? –Why is it important? –What’s in it for me? For us? –What tools and support are available? –How will I be measured?

6 The Contingency Model A Theory of Leadership Effectiveness, F. E. Fiedler, McGraw-Hill, 1967 Addresses –Leaders’ general behavioral tendencies –Situations where certain leaders (or behavioral dispositions) may be more effective than others

7 Overview Assumes that group performance depends on –Leadership style, described in terms of task motivation and relationship motivation –Situational favorableness, determined by three factors: 1 Leader-member relations 2 Task structure 3 Position power –High levels of these three factors give the most favorable situation Relationship- and task-motivated leaders’ effectiveness will vary according to the situation Suggests leaders change their situation vs. style

8 Leader Member Relations Least-Preferred Coworker Scale Pleasant Unpleasant Friendly Unfriendly Accepting Rejecting Interesting Boring

9 LPC Results Low LPC Leaders –Primarily motivated by task accomplishment High LPC Leaders –Primarily motivated by personal relationships Leaders move to secondary level of motivation only after satisfying primary

10 Situation Favorability

11 Performance Correlations Good 1 Poor HighHighLowLow StrongWeakStrong Weak StrongWeakStrongWeak Leader-MemberRelations TaskStructure PositionPower Predicted Effective Leadership Style Low LPC High LPC Low LPC LPC Middle LPC

12 Contingency Theory and the Interactional Framework Followers Situation Leader Task structure Position Power Leader- member relations Motivation hierarchy (LPC score) Desired Outcomes: Effective group performance

13 #1-- The Law of Agendas When you get in the car, make sure you’re sitting behind the wheel. People who control the program and timelines are in the best position to influence the path taken to achieve the desired results. Master influencers know that if you control the agenda, you have more say over the outcome. Those who control the program and set the deadlines are in the best position to influence the path taken to achieve their goals.

14 Agendas Action Plan (detailed steps to be taken) to achieve goals. Sharing your agenda with others can be a powerful way to influence the achievement of your goals. This is often a key factor in establishing unity and trust. This tends to help decrease the timeline of the influencing process. Read Operation Overlord The result: D-Day Invasion of Normandy How can you use this influencing strategy to positively influence how meetings are run?

15 Introduction to Language The Impact of Language “ Throughout your life you will be judged on your command of language, it is imperative to understand that the better you communicate, the more successful you will become. ”

16 Introduction to Language Language Pattern “Powerful communicators and leaders understand that language usage is vital for peak performance. Effective language usage and grammar are the master keys to persuasion, influence, clarity, and control of your world.”

17 Introduction to Language Influencing Strategies “ Your command of the English language and your skill at conveying messages sends a message to those around you. When you communicate clearly, effectively, and confidently others look to you for guidance. When you don ’ t, people discount your ideas and suggestions. ”

18 Effects of Ambiguities on the Influencing Process Ambiguities – In Composition In Context In Content

19 The pie chart below is based on research completed by Mehrabian and Ferris [1].[1] Albert Mehrabian's studies on communication state that listeners give the most weight to the speaker’s facial expressions and body language—posture, gestures, eye contact and facial expressions. C omponents of Communication The chart shows that next most important aspect in the communication loop is the vocal quality of the message (voice pitch and the speed (pace or tempo) of the delivery).

20 RAPPORT = TRUST Body Language and Rapport We trust people who are like ourselves. We emulate people we respect and trust. We act in a similar manner to people we like to do business with and expect certain behavior patterns to be adhered to in business situations. Body language and rapport are predominant factors in decision making in most business situations. "Studies show that the first person to be hired in a company is the one most like the boss and the first one that will be terminated is the one least like the boss." —Harvard Business Journal Building trust and rapport is of paramount importance during the communication loop. Body Language and Rapport

21 Trust Building Techniques Mirroring, Matching & Cross-over Pacing  Body language may not mean the same thing to everyone. Pay close attention to the message you are sending.  Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other people's body language  You may incorrectly receive the messages they wish to send because of your history in reading another person's body language signals.

22 RAPPORT Pick up rapport signals quickly so that you have time to change tactics before they lose interest.

23 Mirroring and Matching  Rapport is based on mirroring and matching a person's behavior, both verbally and non-verbally. In order to gain the strongest rapport possible, one should act like the other person, speak like they do, breathe simultaneously and use similar movements or gestures.  The goal of mirroring and matching is to make it a habit during situations and to become consciously aware when something changes or when you create disharmony.

24 Doing what the other person is doing so that it appears as though they are looking in a mirror. Mirroring

25 Doing what the other person is doing but with the opposite side of your body (if they move their right hand, you move your right hand). Matching

26 Mirror and Match using Vocal Qualities  What are some of the methods employed to build trust and rapport with tonality? Pitch? Jargon? Tempo? Pay close attention to the message you are sending. Could you seem patronizing if you slip into a colloquial accent when others know you have never lived there. In research, the most common – Southern accent is very easy to emulate.  Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other people's vocal quality signals. Have you ever been annoyed by someone’s vocal qualities? Which ones are most annoying? Why?  You may incorrectly receive the messages they wish to send because of your history in reading another person's vocal qualities. Did your worst enemy in high school have a British accent? Does a high pitched voice remind you of an annoying person? Why should you question your read?

27 Cross Over Pacing Using a different channel altogether than the one they are using. Crossover pacing is more covert and harder to detect than mirroring and matching.

28 50/50 Rule for Rapport To attain physiological rapport quickly, 50% of your body should be in harmony- mirroring and matching or crossover pacing the other person 50% of the time. FAQ -- Won't the other person realize what you are doing and think that you are doing something funny?" FAQ -- Often, you are in a room with more than one person. How would you use these techniques to gain rapport?

29 Pacing  The art of gaining rapport.  Establishing the bridge through rapport and respect into another person’s model of the world.  The word we use to combine the technique of mirroring, matching and crossover pacing.  Talking about or doing something that is the same as the other person/people is/are doing OR relating something that is verifiably true in a person's ongoing sensory experience.

30 Leading  Doing something different from the other person in the communication loop.  Talking about or relating to something that the other person does not believe to be true and/or has not had experience with in their world. Note: The goal of leading is to change your behavior so that the other person in the communication loop follows.

31 Pacing and Leading By combining pacing and leading, you will effectively control the level of rapport during the meeting. By controlling the level of rapport, you effectively control the tension level.

32 Rapport Builds Bridges If rapport allows you to build a bridge into another person’s model of the world, at some point during the communication loop you will cross over into their world and over to the other person’s point of understanding. You have established contact with their world. With rapport established, you can start to change your behavior so they will follow you into your world. The bridge goes both ways. You can lead them in another direction by entering your world and bringing them across the bridge you have built when trust and rapport are high.

33 Testing for Rapport Through Leading Pace (mirror/match/cross-over pace) until you instinctively feel that you can start to lead (do something different with your body language); if your subject of influence follows your movements, you have attained rapport with that prospect. Remember: You can never lead someone over a bridge without first building the bridge.

34 Mismatching Rapport to Close the Deal The tension level during the interview is extremely important. Gaining rapport by using pacing will create an especially high level of rapport. Sometimes you will find that you gain so much rapport that the time you have allowed for your meeting passes without accomplishing much business. Always remember that too much rapport with a client can be just as bad as too little rapport. Control the tension level during every stage of your meeting.

35  Non-verbal rapport is the unconscious agreement between people.  Conscious mind—- everything you are aware of at the present moment.  Unconscious mind—everything that you are not aware of at the present moment. NOTE: Most things that you are unconscious of happen automatically (habits, body responses and pre-taught responses that are done without thinking). Non-Verbal Rapport

36 Verbal Language Skills

37 The Language of Influence & Communication Where (and how) did we learn to communicate?

38 Power Words and Phrases Absolutely or absolutely false Be a fool to pass up Beyond my control Bargain Buy Cannot Can't do it Cheap/cheapest Costly Cut rate — cut to the bone Don't ask Don't know Expensive Get back to me Have to Impossible Inadvertently It's our policy Never again No choice Not my fault Only once Think it over Sacrifice Spend

39 Absolutes Absolutes are defined as statements of fact that are true for every situation and cannot be refuted. It is always your next move. NAPOLEON HILL Knowing that you have complete control of your thinking you will recognize the power… MIKHAIL STRABO

40 Generalities Generalities are broad-based statements that promote: * Ways of thinking * Practices * Processes and/or beliefs Generalities are statements that are acceptable or applicable in most situations. Note: Speaking in generalities can create confusion. We tend to get what we expect. NORMAN VINCENT PEALE Few people have any plan, they live from hand to mouth, and are always at the end of their line. RALPH WALDO EMERSON

41 Absolutes and Generalities Absolutes Statements (or words) that cannot be refuted and are statements of fact that are true for every situation. Generalities Generalities are broad- based statements that promote ways of thinking. Every All Always Just about Probably Sometimes Exercise – In small groups, come up with as many pairs of absolutes and generalities as you can in 10 minutes. Can you break the code?

42 Parts of Speech in English  Summary of Characteristics  Subject, Verb, Object  Ineffective “I”  Hedges  Stop Playing Tag!

43 Summary of Characteristics NounsThe name of a person, place, thing, relationship, etc. Pronoun A word used in place of a noun Verb or Predicate A word indicating action, state, or being -s, -ing, -ed AdjectiveA word qualifying, making more exact, the meaning of a noun -able, -ible, -al, -ant, -ary, -ic, -sh, -ous AdverbA word modifying a verb, adjective, or another adverb -ly, -wise PrepositionA word relating a noun to another word; joining a phrase to a word or sentence ConjunctionA word joining two words, phrases, clauses, or sentences

44 Subject, Verb, Object Remember—Powerful communication retains the strongest language pattern “A man is not free who is not master of himself.”— EPICTETUS “What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose. The right to create for one alternatives of choice.” ARCHIBALD MacLEISH

45 Ineffective “I” Ineffective “I” sentences are based on your personal perception. Your perception can be easily dismissed as just your opinion. – I think... – I feel... – I have a problem with... – I like... – I noticed... – I believe... – I don't have... – I heard...

46 Action or Emotional Involvement All these sentences convey the emotion rather than action! Emotional "you” and “ I"  Like (or do not like) I really like the way you...  Want (or don't want) I want to make sure...  Feel How they feel about...? What are your feelings about...?  Need I need to convey...

47 Hedges Simple hedges  You shouldn't...  Well...  Sort of...  I’d like to see…  In my opinion...  The way I see it...  I know that it…  It may sound silly but I think…  I'd like to add... Self-Deprecating hedges I'm not sure... I’m not sure I know all the answers but… I’m really not happy with the way things turned out but… I guess I’m trying to say… I guess I mean… I’m pretty sure… I guess... I'm not an expert, but… Hedges make you look indecisive. They give the perception that you doubt your ability to think autonomously. Hedges make you appear submissive.

48 Stop Playing Tag!  Tag = Question at the end of the sentence or statement..., isn't it?..., don't you think?..., right?..., okay?..., don't they?..., see what I'm saying?..., you know what I mean?  Exception: useful as a power play.

49 Verbal Challenge However 25¢ 25¢... But

50 The Power of Silent Communication People need time to process information in order to formulate new beliefs. During the influencing process, allow them enough time to do this!