Topic 3 The needs!

First nations “Medicine wheel”

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Goleman’s Emotional Tasks Be aware of our feelings. Understand our feelings. Control our feelings. Read other people. Resolve conflict.

RelatednessCompetence Autonomy LovePower FreedomFun BelongingMastery IndependenceGenerosity Deci & Ryan Glasser First Nations S

Tony Robbins 6 needs Most people keeps their problem because it meets their needs Fundamental needs Certainty – avoid pain, Uncertainty - variety Significance – importance, unique Connection – love Needs of the spirit Growth – need of the spirit Contribution

Diane’s Circle of needs Belonging Power Fun Freedom Survival

Our basic needs! Security – food, shelter, safety Love – belonging, friendship, caring Power – importance, recognition, caring Fun –pleasure, enjoyment, learning, laughter Freedom – choice, independence, liberty

FIVE BASIC NEEDS Excerpted from Restitution Basics by Anne O’Brien

Wants to be liked Very sociable Works hard for other’s approval. Peers are important Enjoys activities that are cooperative Belonging

Applying Needs in Your Class Belonging Profile Wants to be liked. Very sociable Works hard for others approval Peers and important Enjoys cooperative activities Procedures Greet students at the door. Learn their names ASAP Acknowledge special events like birthdays Take an interest in their personal lives Tell them about your life outside school. (Movies, TV, music, vacations)

Belonging Behaviors Accepting Compliments Friendship Trust Self Assurance Outgoing Being With People Harmonizing Giving Helping Sharing Approachable Open

Belonging Circle

Wants to be in control Observes before trying new things Distressed by mistakes Very organized, systematic Likes to be the best Power

Procedures Give opportunity for students to express themselves. Assign duties in the class. Give opportunities to show mastery. Teach them that its ok to make mistake Profile Wants to be in control Observes before trying new things Distressed by mistakes Very organized, systematic Likes to be the best Power

Power Behavior Looking for positives Displaying confidence Knowing who you are Making your own decisions Helping others Feeling equal to others Solving problems Being in control of yourself Taking control of a situation Directness Accepting different roles Not doing more than you should POWER DEFINITION The ability to create and maintain an impact on the world

SIX KINDS OF POWER – We can impact on: OUR OWN BODIES NegativePositive anorexia/bulimia grooming/self/makeup slashing exercising/dieting drug uselearning a language or new skill THE INANIMATE WORLD NegativePositive steal a carclean the house vandalizebuild something or complete a project INFLUENCING OTHER PEOPLE NegativePositive angeringsmiling guiltingcomplimenting whiningencouraging ignoringloving/caring sarcasmlistening sighingtouching depressingsexual contact People recognize all of the negative influencing behavior as controlling but too often fail to recognize the positive influence behaviors as controlling too.

Wants to enjoy work Amusing even when misbehaving Collectors: Love games Jokester; Clowns around Fun

Profile Wants to enjoy work Amusing even when misbehaving Collectors. Loves games Jokester; clowns around Procedures Play games in class Do “review BINGO” Play “Millionaire” or “Jeopardy”

Fun Behaviors Laughing Creating Smiling Happiness Helping others Accepting reality Not worrying Making the most of a situation Varied interests Natural highs Enjoys little things Sense of humor Not taking things for granted Full of energy Taking life as it comes Having fun in whatever you are doing at the time

THIS IS FUN THIS IS NOT FUN Looks LikeSounds LikeLooks LikeSounds Like

Wants choices Needs to move around Loves to experiment Not so influenced by others Tries anything new and engaging Freedom

Procedures Give students choice of where they sit. Let them choose to work with others or alone. Get them to help create evaluations Help them to self- evaluate Give opportunities to move around. Profile Want choices Need to move around Loves to explore and experiment Not so influenced by others Tries anything new and engaging Freedom

Freedom Behaviors Making your own decisions Exploring new opportunities Uniqueness Risk taking Tolerant Open Positive Expressing feelings Liking and knowing yourself Acting instead of dreaming Living in the moment Doing what you want

Two Kinds of Freedom FREEDOM TO I might get more of what I want if I gave myself permission to: ACT___________________ THINK_________________ FEEL__________________ PHYSICALLY___________ FREEDOM FROM I might have more freedom if I let myself be less controlled by:_________________ ____________________ I might have more freedom if I felt less responsible for:_________________ ____________________

Food Shelter Sleep Wellness Survival

I’m like this at home! Power Belonging FunFreedom

I’m like this at work!PowerBelongingFunFreedom

This is me in sport! Power Belonging FunFreedom

How are you? at home, in school, with friends, at work ……..PowerBelongingFunFreedom

How am I behaving? Am I asking the impossible? Am I acting in a caring way? Can I see it from another point of view? Is it my job to interfere? Does it really matter......whether it is done?...how it is done?...when it is done?

Ask you this questions! What kind of relationship do I want with this person? What am I doing to get this relationship? Is what I'm doing working to get me the kind of relationship I want?

Eight Basic Principles of self-discipline: 1.Everyone makes mistakes 2.People know when they’ve done wrong 3.Guilt and criticism contribute to defensive behavior 4.People can learn a better way 5.Children are strengthened by the opportunity to make amends 6.They won’t lie to hide their mistakes 7.The process of learning self-discipline is a creative one 8.People who have been allowed to make restitution become more generous with others.

BASIC NEEDS

APPLICATION OF NEEDS THEORY Genetic intensity—Identify your largest need. A difficult decision? Use the needs. Analyze a relationship you’ve left using the needs. Analyze an activity you enjoy using the needs. Analyze your job using the needs. Analyze the way you dress using the needs. Analyze the vehicle you drive using the needs. Analyze a class/course using the needs. Analyze a friendship/relationship dynamic using the needs. Analyze a staff meeting using the needs.

How To Teach The Needs 1. Teach the needs. –Love, Power, Freedom, Fun, Survival (Glasser) –Relatedness, Competence, Autonomy (Deci & Ryan) –Medicine Wheel - Belonging, Mastery, Independence, Generosity 2. Have them fill out the four quadrants and share. 3. Identify activities that meet all their needs. 4. Identify areas that are more empty or more full. –Think of a totally need satisfying relationship you have. –Think of a relationship or job you left. What need/needs were not met. –Brainstorm how to have a more need satisfying classroom/workplace. 5. Teach genetic intensity of the needs.

Fill in the circle above a number on the continuum to rate the strength of each need as you perceive it to be: SURVIVAL LOWHIGH LOWHIGH BELONGING POWER LOWHIGH FREEDOM LOWHIGH LOWHIGH FUN PROFILE FROM ABOVE RECORD NUMBERS CIRCLED HERE First Name or Initials SurvivalBelongingPowerFreedom Fun Genetic Intensity of the Needs

Needs Are Individual Now I want you to think about your needs. Which one do you think is the strongest for you. We are all different. The strongest one is the one that hurts the most when we don’t get it. –I think my biggest need is ______________________. –I think my sister’s biggest need is _______________. –I think my brother’s biggest need is ______________. –I think my mom’s biggest need is ________________. –I think my dad’s biggest need is _________________. –I think my relative’s biggest need is _____________. –I think my teacher’s biggest need is ______________. Go home tonight and talk about this. See if you can explain it. It will be fun to see what your family thinks. Sometimes people use a hand to remember the needs. Excerpted from Resolving Conflict Using Restitution by Diane Gossen

Going from the Want to the Need This exercise teaches that we have many wants for each need and that the system is flexible. Have each participant choose a want that they have which they can't get right now. It must be a true want in order for there to be energy in it. What do you want? What do you really want? What does it mean? What need would be met if you got what you wanted? Can you get what you want right now? (The answer should be "no". If the answer is "yes" the person should pick something else that they can't get right now.) If the answer is "no," then the helper asks, "Is this need (love, power, fun, freedom) important to you? Do you still need to meet it? (self-evaluation)

If the answer is "yes," then say, "You can't always get what you want, but you can get some of what you need, so let's get at it." Help the person fill alternative wants circles which help meet the presented need. Be sure that at least one of the alternate circles is conflicted (ie. is antithetical to the person's value system). Teach them that if the need is not met the system keeps behaving to get what is needed, and when frustrated, that system is amoral. (For example, the woman who woke up one morning presented with the thought, "This marriage would work better if I were an invalid." That picture is one that though moderately need-fulfilling in one area is basically negative in terms of survival). Application: This is especially effective with someone who has been "spinning his wheels" on one want (e.g. "I want him to love") and refusing to add new pictures to they system. Here it is important to say, "You'll always want what you want (e.g. that your husband were alive), however, you still have to meet your needs today, in this world." IF THE ANSWER IS “YES”

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN GET SOME OF WHAT YOU NEED

What’s It Getting You? The Needs Behind Misbehavior 1) “What were you trying to get by (name the behavior) Tapping pencil, hitting, swearing Alternative: “What were you avoiding by _________” 2) Find the need. Listen for statement for the need. a) If you hear a need ask b) If you get a “I don’t know” pass the needs tray. Behavior What it was getting Need Hitting Stand up for self Power Disruptive “Off my case” Freedom Tripping“Have some fun.” Fun Kicked“Be my friend” Love 3)STATE: “Should I tell you not to ( __Meet your need__)? “ Child answers: NO 4) STATE; “I agree with you.” 5) ASK: “Is there a way that you can (meet your need) without getting into trouble?”

Collapsing Conflict Wants Needs