“We Can Work It Out” Song of Songs Can We Really? HOW?

GREEN--LOW RISK Things going well. Doing the right things. Lovin’ feeling in tact. Any conflict is quickly averted or resolved. BLUE--GENERAL RISK Had some scuffles, irritation growing, conflicts turn into arguments, concerned but not too worried. Read a marriage book together and work on relationships. Maybe attend a marriage retreat.

YELLOW—SIGNIFICANT RISK After repeated attempts to resolve an issue, distance growing, resentment grows, fight at the drop of a hat. Are trying to get into counseling.ORANGE--HIGH Significant fights. Yelling, screaming, cussing-- maybe even physical abuse. No sex, fun, or friendship, pondering divorce. Tried multiple counselors and none have worked so stopped.

RED—SEVERE RISK You’ve given up-Planning to meet with a divorce attorney or have already filed the papers already. Separated. Can’t wait to get out.

Questions to Answer What is a proper attitude towards conflict? How should we handle conflict? How can we build strong marriages? How can we rebuild a broken marriage?

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Song of Songs 2:14 NIV

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Songs 2:15 NIV

What are the Foxes? Small problems that if not dealt with can add up and grow and become big problems.

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage

Why Conflict? Helps us become more dependent on God Teaches us how to become more mature— more like Jesus Deepens your love for your partner

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV

How to deal with Conflict REGENERATION Do it God’s way Do it Through God’s Power

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Ephesians 4:25 NIV

How to deal with Conflict RENOVATION Truthfulness to your partner

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV

How to deal with Conflict RENOVATION Truthfulness to your partner Controlling your anger

Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. Ephesians 4:28 NIV

How to deal with Conflict RENOVATION Truthfulness to your partner Controlling your anger A giving attitude

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Ephesians 4:29-30 NIV

How to deal with Conflict RENOVATION Truthfulness to your partner Controlling your anger A giving attitude A blessing tongue

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

How to deal with Conflict RECONCILATION LOVING CONFRONTATION ACTIVE LISTENING CONFESSION FORGIVENESS

INTERVENTION Try to work it out yourself Take someone with you Take a church leader to help you WHO DO YOU CALL??

TAKE AWAYS Make a commitment or renew your commitment to do it God’s way in God’s power.

TAKE AWAYS Become active in the ways our church can help – Join the lifechurch marriage group – Men…Come to the 33 Series on Marriage next Saturday – Contact our counseling ministry