The North Carolina 4th Grade Writing Test: FOCUS LESSON The Mall of America- You Can’t Tell It All Kathy Bumgardner kbumreading@yahoo.com kbumreading@yahoo.com

The Mall of America…You Can’t Tell It ALL… kbumreading@yahoo.com

It is the morning of the North Carolina Fourth Grade Writing Test It is the morning of the North Carolina Fourth Grade Writing Test. A 4th grade student opens up her writing test to find the following prompt that she will need to respond to: kbumreading@yahoo.com

NC 4th Grade Writing Prompt Tell about a time that you had fun with a friend or a relative. Write a story about a fun time with a friend or a relative. kbumreading@yahoo.com

The 4th Grade girl began to think: I have had many fun times. What should I write about? I think maybe my trip to see my friend Lauren last year. But we did SO MANY fun things that weekend! kbumreading@yahoo.com

My teacher has told us we have to write about ONE MAIN EVENT. I think I will write about the MALL of AMERICA….but that is TOO BIG to focus on as one WOW Moment! What are the things we did at the Mall of America? kbumreading@yahoo.com

The Mall of America: It is a really BIG place! kbumreading@yahoo.com

We walked around and saw many wonderful stores and lots of people… We walked around and saw many wonderful stores and lots of people….I could write about one of those…OR… kbumreading@yahoo.com

We even saw a live show with real singers and a band. It was cool We even saw a live show with real singers and a band. It was cool. I could write about that….OR…. kbumreading@yahoo.com

There was even an amusement park that was IN the mall There was even an amusement park that was IN the mall! It was called Camp Snoopy and we spent almost 2 hours just in the park! kbumreading@yahoo.com

In Camp Snoopy we saw a ferris wheel, some swings, the log flumes. We even went shopping in the SNOOPSHOP and bought some hats. kbumreading@yahoo.com

But when we went up on this bridge in the park we could see all around But when we went up on this bridge in the park we could see all around. That's when we saw the roller coaster that went all the way around the park and way up into the air. WOW! We ran straight to get a ride on that coaster! kbumreading@yahoo.com

Things we did that were fun: The Mall of America: Things we did that were fun: Went shopping in stores Saw lots of people Watched a real band on stage Went into an amusement park inside of the mall called Camp Snoopy kbumreading@yahoo.com

I liked Camp Snoopy…the amusement park… the best: Shopped for hats in the Snoop Shop Rode some great rides kbumreading@yahoo.com

I can narrow it to the rides…. Ferris Wheel Swings Log Flumes Roller Coaster  kbumreading@yahoo.com

That is it! I remembered the ROLLER COASTER RIDE. Wow….! That is something I could write my story about!! Roller Coaster kbumreading@yahoo.com

 I am going to write about the ride that Lauren and I took on that ROLLER COASTER at the Mall of America. That will make a great WOW Moment! I can put the ride into SLOW MOTION REPLAY and show my readers why it was so much fun! kbumreading@yahoo.com

My story is going to be about…. MY FOCUS STATEMENT: My story is going to be about…. …the time that I had fun with my friend Lauren when we rode the roller coaster at the Mall of America… kbumreading@yahoo.com

What did I see? What did I hear? What did I think? What did I feel? What was my body doing? What was I saying? SLOW MOTION REPLAY kbumreading@yahoo.com

MY PLAN: Rising Actions: Who: Lauren and me What: a fun time on the roller coaster at Mall of America When: Cold February Where: Minnesota- Mall of America Rising Actions: Arrive at mall Head to amusement park Describe- huge, lots of rides See roller coaster- goes around whole park kbumreading@yahoo.com

MAIN EVENT: The Roller Coaster Ride Getting on Jerking forward Zooming and screaming Dark tunnel- see statues Going up and down hills- tipping in-ward Scared of falling out Everyone frozen with fear Lights blinking high up kbumreading@yahoo.com

We tell each other that we had fun We go to next ride CLOSING ACTIONS: Pull back in We hop out CONCLUSION: We tell each other that we had fun We go to next ride kbumreading@yahoo.com

Introduction A time I had fun with a friend was when I went to Minneapolis, Minnesota on a chilly February morning to visit the great Mall of America. I was 10 years old and had come to visit one of my best friends Lauren. Lauren had moved with her family to Minnesota from Greensboro, and I was happy to get to visit her again. That morning we decided to go to the huge Mall of America. We had quite a time! kbumreading@yahoo.com

Rising Actions At about 11:00 we were out the door and almost there. When we arrived, we jumped out of the car and headed for the door. We went in and ran straight to the giant amusement park. It was a huge place, with huge rides! There was a ferris wheel, a roller coaster, a log flume, giant swings and much, much more! Of course we ran straight for the roller coaster. It was a huge roller coaster with steel green tracks that went swiftly around the whole amusement park. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Main Event When it was finally our turn to get on, Lauren and I hopped into the first seat. My mom and Lauren’s mom were right behind us. My heart was pounding as we awaited the ride. Then, all of a sudden the ride jerked us forward and off we were! We were zooming across the place with our arms in the air and screaming our head off! Boy were we speeding! We were going as fast as a speeding bullet! Suddenly, we were in a dark tunnel, with Paul Bunyan moving statues spinning all around us. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Main Event (continued….) The roller coaster was going up a hill-like thing and then it started speeding downward again. Wow!I felt like I would fall off because the roller coaster was tipping in-ward pulling my body foward. I’m going to fall out I thought while terror gripped my stomach. My hands were clenching the slippery bar with excitement. Suddenly I felt wild and free as we raced down the gigantic tracks. “This is so much fun!” I screamed. No one else answered. I think they were frozen with fear. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Main Event (continued….) In the blink of an eye we were on the other side of the amusement park passing by a store. Lights shone in our eyes as we squinted because they were as bright as the afternoon sun. We were above everything there and high in the air. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Closing Actions When we pulled back into the place where you get on, we all hopped out. Lauren and I almost fell over as we stumbled together dizzily. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Conclusion “That was so fun!” we both screamed with excitement as we hugged each other. Giggling, we skipped merrily over to the next ride. That was a time I had fun with a friend. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Was there a beginning, a middle, and an end? Was the story complete? Was this story focused? Was there a beginning, a middle, and an end? Was the story complete? Did most of the details and elaboration fit the story and help the reader “see” the story? Did she choose interesting words that fit and use a variety of sentences? Did she use mostly correct spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and complete sentences in this story? kbumreading@yahoo.com

Did her Mall of America story have all of these? Parts of a narrative: AN INTRODUCTION RISING ACTIONS MAIN EVENT CLOSING ACTIONS CONCLUSION Did her Mall of America story have all of these? kbumreading@yahoo.com

FEATURES of GOOD WRITING Focus Organization Support & Elaboration Style Conventions kbumreading@yahoo.com

Remember that when planning a narrative that you must be able to choose a topic that you can manage in that “Moment in time”. It must be “narrow” enough to be able to focus on in one story. It should be focused on one “Moment in Time”…one WOW Moment….one MAIN EVENT. kbumreading@yahoo.com

What is a MAIN EVENT? kbumreading@yahoo.com

*This is what a story is building up to. What is a MAIN EVENT? *This is what a story is building up to. *The main event is what the story is really all about. *It is unfolded as the story is told. *It is the CENTRAL PROBLEM, CONFLICT, DILEMMA, or MAJOR PART OF THE ADVENTURE. *It may even be the STRUGGLE. kbumreading@yahoo.com

The MAIN EVENT changes the main character in some way: *They will never forget it. *They have learned a lesson. *They have had a change of heart. *They have gained something new. kbumreading@yahoo.com

The MAIN EVENT carries significance. *It is something worth writing about. *It is the major scene in a play. *It is the major part of a chapter. *It is that one vacation or field trip picture that highlights the best part of the whole trip. *It is that WOW moment in time frame by frame. *It is the “slow motion replay”…. kbumreading@yahoo.com

A Main Event Should Contain Some or All of the Following: ACTION-What are you doing? What is going on around you? Show your reader. DESCRIPTION-What does it look like? What do you see? What do you smell? How does it feel to your skin? kbumreading@yahoo.com

Use conversation strategically! THOUGHTS / FEELINGS-What are you thinking? How are you feeling? DIALOGUE-What are you saying? What are others saying? (Caution: Do not list… “he said…I said…he said…” ) Use conversation strategically! kbumreading@yahoo.com

Stretching It Out See Hear Think Feel Saying To Others What do you see around you at this moment? What do you hear around you at this moment? What are you thinking? How are you feeling at this moment? What are you saying to others around you? kbumreading@yahoo.com

Spicing Up My Writing Style How it’s said… Substitute Words In a happy way….. laughed, joked, rejoiced, giggled, lilted, sang out… In a sad way….. Cried, agonized, sobbed, groaned, sniveled, wept, lamented, mourned… In an angry way…. Raged, miffed, fumed, seethed, thundered, retorted, blurted…. kbumreading@yahoo.com

Remember to STAY FOCUSED !!! Above all…. Remember to STAY FOCUSED !!! kbumreading@yahoo.com

What’s the MAIN EVENT? Trip to Disney World or The Scary Roller Coaster Ride? Fun at the Beach or Finding a Special Shell? The Best Field Day Ever or Winning the Tug of War Event with My Class My Favorite Christmas or a Surprise Bike for Christmas kbumreading@yahoo.com

ORGANIZE with a beginning, middle, and end Remember….that when planning to write to a prompt that you should choose a topic and plan your story so that you can: FOCUS on a whole story ORGANIZE with a beginning, middle, and end SUPPORT and ELABORATE with details that help your reader SEE your story….bring your story to life! Add STYLE- wise word choice/variety Use correct CONVENTIONS kbumreading@yahoo.com

Happy Writing ! kbumreading@yahoo.com