By: Drogan (Name edited for internet uses, and so creepers can’t stalk me)

If I were not distracted by cookies on a daily basis, I could be using my time for less favorable acts, such as: ~ Experimenting with drugs ~ Playing in traffic ~ Harassing animals ~ Harassing old people ~ Blowing things up

If you would give me a cookie, you would be feeding one of the many hungry children of the world, and doing your part to end worldwide starvation. Malnutrition is the leading cause of death in third world countries like South Africa and everywhere within a three foot radius of myself. Please help prevent me from becoming a statistic.

If you gave me a cookie, it would teach me great life lessons such as accepting food from strangers is okay, and that I don’t ever need to work for anything in my life as long as I continue to be adorable. Because that’s how real life is, right?

Just so you know, I completely forgot the project was due today, and I skipped lunch to make this. So yes, I spent about 30 minutes on this at the very most. Yes, I know this isn’t a proper persuasive presentation, and I know that cookies are not something someone would normally make a presentation about. But I know you’ll give me an amazing grade because I followed all of the guidelines exactly as they were written and YOU LOVE ME.