SHARED MEANING THE SOUND RELATIONSHIP HOUSE

HISTORY  OUR HISTORY o Background, culture, geographical. o Philosophy on basic emotions, sadness, anger, affection, pride, guilt and shame. o Expression of general emotions.  CREATING A NEW WORLD o Fundamental truths o Common ground and discrepancies between their values. - Finding the dream behind the conflict. o Creating new ritual, bedtime, holiday cycles, movie night & meaning of fundamental roles.

CREATING A NEW WORLD  Working together to make each other’s life dreams  Perpetual gridlocked problems between you and your partner often conceal underlying feelings and dreams that aren’t getting communicated.  Remember that beneath every gridlock problem there is something each of you wishes for, a story, a life dream.

FINDING THE DREAM WITHIN YOUR CONFLICT - WORKSHOP In this exercise, do not try to solve the problem at all. The idea is to talk about what your position means to you, to share your various thoughts and feelings behind it. The intent is to get to the symbolic meaning behind your position rather than to argue for your position. You will take turns - one of you will be the Speaker and the other Listener. The Speaker  One person speaks about the dream, the meaning, behind your position. Your job is to pull back layers. Like brainstorming, there are no silly ideas, and nothing is written in stone. It’s a time to explore out loud. The Listener  The other person is given the role of Listener. The Listener is to ask questions or offer statements which aid your partner in revealing his/her dream. No defending; no judging; no criticism; No arguing for their position. No giving of opinions.

HONORING EACH OTHERS DREAMS a few suggestions for showing honor, support, and respect for each other’s dreams when you have a conversation: Ask questions about the dream. One of our favorites is “What’s the story behind that?” Dreams usually have a history or a narrative behind them – they often come from your partner’s past. Offer empathy. You don’t have to be ecstatic about this dream, but it may be helpful to express: “I understand why that is important to you.” Offer emotional support and validation. Even if you can’t directly help them to achieve their dreams, communicate: “I am behind you 100%” Participate in the other’s dream – read about the issue, help to make plans, offer advice if it is desired. Give support – child-care, transportation, whatever you feel able to offer. Join the dream on a trial basis – if it works well, consider joining it entirely – make it a part of your own vision

CREATING MEANING  Understanding the basis of each other’s dreams, each other’s most deeply felt hopes and desires for the future is key to creating meaning but it can’t happen overnight.  There is a spiritual dimension that is key to creating an inner life together.

ETERNAL CIRCLE

WORKSHOP Discovering what kinds of rituals the two of you would like to introduce or continue in your relationship will help you in many ways: to feel the comfort and trust that comes from relying on regular routines, on turning towards each other, building stronger bonds, and inevitably deepening your emotional connection! The more shared meaning you can find, the deeper, richer, and more rewarding your relationship will be.

QUESTIONS  What are your best and worst memories?  What would have made them better?  What are these rituals like for you today?  What do they mean or symbolize to you?  How would you like them to be now?  Share each of your past experiences with these traditions and create special ones of your own - for this year, and for the many years to come!