NEW SOUTH WALES Timothy Broady Rebecca Gray Irene Gaffney Pamela Lewis FRSA Conference, 4-6 th November, 2014 Harnessing a father’s love to support parenting amongst men who use violence

NEW SOUTH WALES Domestic violence impact Impacts of domestic violence Health and wellbeing of victims Emotional impacts Impacts on children Victims themselves Witness violence Risk factor for future violence

NEW SOUTH WALES Domestic violence intervention Focus on partners Children significantly less prevalent in literature Benefits for partners = benefits for children? Specific improvements in parenting relationships

NEW SOUTH WALES Taking Responsibility Aims to assist men who have used violence/abuse Take responsibility for actions Adopt alternative ways of relating Strengthen skills/attitudes for relationships Support for partners also offered

NEW SOUTH WALES Program evaluation To what extent does the Taking Responsibility course enable change amongst male clients in attendance? Mixed methods Attitudes –Improved self-esteem, mastery, psychological distress; low gender equity Personal narratives

NEW SOUTH WALES Participants Interviewees (n=21) years old (M = 42 years) 10 low income ($0-599 per week) 11 married/de facto – 6 separated – 1 divorced 1-6 children (mode = 2) 14 seeing counsellor

NEW SOUTH WALES Denial of problems Always been a good dad. I’ve done my best. (Frank) I’ve never had a problem with my children at all. (Preston) My relationship with the kids has always been good. (Carter) I get on well with them. There’s no issue there. (Ian) They (children) were never really the victim. It was pretty much exclusively my wife. (Hugo)

NEW SOUTH WALES Past mistakes The fact is that I have hit my son. But you know, there’s no systematic violence at all. It was a very bad mistake. (Felix) I’ve had a minor relapse. I had the shits with my kids so I screamed at ‘em. (Heath)

NEW SOUTH WALES Impact on children It’s not only the effects of the violence that the children take in, it’s also the blame. (Perry) I’ve always apologised… it shows them that they are valued. (Hugo) I just want, don’t want my kids doin’ what I do. (Heath)

NEW SOUTH WALES Improved relationships My parenting has become a little more relaxed. (Floyd) My teenage daughter is talking to me and giving me a cuddle, which she hasn’t done in years. (Martin) My younger kids, they’re definitely a lot happier, so that’s where I’ve noticed the change. (Floyd) I can actually see the difference with how she (daughter) warms to me. Like, I always thought that she did warm to me but what it’s been like lately is just outta this world. (Edgar)

NEW SOUTH WALES Forced separation I’m trying to get more than two hours every two weeks for four kids. I think they’re losing their bonding element with me. There’s alienation issues I think coming through. (Felix) It’s just a bit upsetting because our visits have been cut down… It’s emotionally hurt us and it emotionally hurts the children. (Anton) It’s been almost three months that I haven’t seen my kids… I don’t think any men can go through that. (Lionel)

NEW SOUTH WALES Proving self I still want to engage with the kids. I want to have the chance. (Felix) I’m trying to engage back with the family more… to demonstrate in a family environment that I am changing and that I cam capable of being a good father and looking after the kids and my wife in an appropriate way. (Felix) Showing that I can be trusted… I should be able to have a meaningful relationship with the kids. (Felix)

NEW SOUTH WALES Expression of love I think every 9, 10 year old, they know how to push daddy’s buttons, you know? Doesn’t mean that I don’t love her or I miss her to give her a cuddle. (Lionel) With my son I got that attachment that I think I never have with my father. (Lionel) I just wish I could do more with them and spend more time with ‘em. (Anton) My sole purpose for living, so to speak, was for me and my children. (Perry)

NEW SOUTH WALES Relationships as leverage points Fatherhood as leverage to realise and confront behaviour Unanimous desire to maintain relationships Make up for mistakes Break down emotional distance Prove self Motivation to change and develop appropriate ways of relating Improve family functioning Minimise long-term consequences of abuse

NEW SOUTH WALES Contact & citation Tim Broady: Rebecca Gray: Suggested citation: Broady, T., Gray, R., Gaffney, I., & Lewis, P. (2014). Harnessing a father’s love to support parenting amongst men who have used violence. Oral paper presented to the Family Relationships Services Australia Conference, Adelaide, Australia.