Four “Tricks” of the Trade The power of Verbs Active vs. Passive Verbs The Zoom Technique Creating the right mood

Mark Twain’s Original Passage: They presently emerged into the clump of sumac bushes, looked warily out, found the coast clear, and were soon lunching and smoking in the skiff. As the sun dipped toward the horizon, they pushed out and got under way. Tom skimmed up the shore through the long twilight, chatting cheerily with Huck, and landed shortly after dark. --- Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer Passage without Mark Twain's art: They presently came out of the bushes. The coast was clear, so they got in the skiff. They had lunch and smoked. As the sun went down, they went out on the water. Tom moved along the shore. He talked and then came back to shore shortly after dark.

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO?

Mark Twain’s Original Passage: They presently emerged into the clump of sumac bushes, looked warily out, found the coast clear, and were soon lunching and smoking in the skiff. As the sun dipped toward the horizon, they pushed out and got under way. Tom skimmed up the shore through the long twilight, chatting cheerily with Huck, and landed shortly after dark. --- Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer Passage without Mark Twain's art: They presently came out of the bushes. The coast was clear, so they got in the skiff. They had lunch and smoked. As the sun went down, they went out on the water. Tom moved along the shore. He talked and then came back to shore shortly after dark.

VERB POWER, BABY!!!!!!

Phil went down the road. Now let your imagination run wild. Rewrite the sentence changing only the word WENT to make Phil seem: Very happy… In a hurry… Distracted… Worried… Terrified… As if he might be a thief on the run… As if he might be headed to a wild wonderful party Exhausted from the toughest day of his life…

FIRST DRAFT Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly, they hoped to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement.

Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly, they hoped to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement LOOK AT EVERY VERB MAKE PASSIVE SENTENCES ACTIVE SHOW, DON’T TELL

Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly, they hoped to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement. FINAL DRAFT Rockwell Lake echoed with the sounds of Canada geese. Their honking bugled across the water like tuneless trumpets. Two children hid behind the massive maple tree. They silently watched, hoping to see the first goslings hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement.

Zoom Technique

Imagine that the comma controls a telescopic lens that zooms in on images. Start with the basic sentence: “The rhapis palm sat in a large white container.”

Now zoom in on the branches of the palm. Without any word of transition, only a twist of the lens represented by a comma, the sentence can now read: “The rhapis palm sat in a large white container, the branches stretching into the air.”

Now place a comma after “air” and zoom in closer on the branches: “The rhapis palm sat in a large white container, the branches stretching into the air, fibrous joints knuckling the otherwise smooth surface.”

SETTING THE MOOD Read the following three word pictures of a sunset. Choose the description that best fits the mood of a MYSTERY STORY, a Creepy story, and a happy story. Then, list the words for each example that sets the mood. Watch the adjectives and verbs especially.

ONE The day was dying. The sun sank wearily toward the horizon. Its light began to fail, leaving a faded rose color across the sky. Long shadows crept like slow snakes over the ground, changing the bright green of the grass to gray. Soon only our flickering fire would light the scene. TWO The sun’s last light blazed cheerfully across the sky. My mother’s face glowed with the reflection of the color. She smiled, welcoming the end of the long day. Shadows danced across the lawn and soon the porch was in a haze. Fireflies darted in and out of the trees, sparking their tiny stars around our home. Before long we would light the fire and toast the marshmallows. THREE The sky turned an angry, blood-like red. Its crimson color dripped down the side of the old, crumbling wall near our house. From the woods, where the darkness was deepest, we could see the flitting of bats. The day dies, and I shivered as a slight breeze wound around me like a snake. Oh, when would we light the fire to chase the dark?