Perspectives on love Neurochemistry revelations vs. 12 th century passion and commitment

What is love? A growing, giving, voluntary feeling of intense affection and commitment to another? A growing, giving, voluntary feeling of intense affection and commitment to another? OR OR An intoxicating, overpowering mix of neurotransmitters fine-tuned by evolutionary processes to draw us together to reproduce? An intoxicating, overpowering mix of neurotransmitters fine-tuned by evolutionary processes to draw us together to reproduce?

Does this sound familiar? You meet and subsequently become deeply attracted to someone. You meet and subsequently become deeply attracted to someone. You constantly think of them. You constantly think of them. You tingle in their presence. You tingle in their presence. You plan on reunion whenever apart. You plan on reunion whenever apart. You worry about whether they share your feelings. You worry about whether they share your feelings. You are utterly devastated if they do not. You are utterly devastated if they do not.

The real chemistry of love Just as they influence our mood, energy levels, motor skills, and impulse control, neurotransmitters have a profound effect on sexual attraction. Just as they influence our mood, energy levels, motor skills, and impulse control, neurotransmitters have a profound effect on sexual attraction. Two appear to have a particularly dramatic role to play – phenylethylamine (PEA) and dopamine. Two appear to have a particularly dramatic role to play – phenylethylamine (PEA) and dopamine.

Phenylethylamine “pea” A neurotransmitter closely associated with intense passion and attraction A neurotransmitter closely associated with intense passion and attraction Surging levels accompany the initial elation and intense excitement and euphoria of new love Surging levels accompany the initial elation and intense excitement and euphoria of new love Chemically similar to amphetamines Chemically similar to amphetamines “ When we meet someone who is attractive to us, the whistle blows at the PEA factory.” “ When we meet someone who is attractive to us, the whistle blows at the PEA factory.”

examples Love at first sight Love at first sight The “thunderbolt” The “thunderbolt” A “crush” A “crush”

dopamine Allied to pleasure, reward, and addiction Allied to pleasure, reward, and addiction Its release produces great pleasure, “telling” us what we like Its release produces great pleasure, “telling” us what we like Also similar to amphetamines Also similar to amphetamines MRI’s of those passionately in love demonstrate that a picture of our beloved leads to heightened activity in parts of the frontal lobes saturated with dopamine receptors MRI’s of those passionately in love demonstrate that a picture of our beloved leads to heightened activity in parts of the frontal lobes saturated with dopamine receptors

Effects on behavior and experience We can talk all night We can talk all night We’ll sacrifice sleep – we don’t seem to need it anyway We’ll sacrifice sleep – we don’t seem to need it anyway The whole world seems to pulse with new beauty and excitement The whole world seems to pulse with new beauty and excitement We focus on the object of our desire We focus on the object of our desire We take risks We take risks

The down side We are anxious and awkward like never before We are anxious and awkward like never before We can be overly sensitive and emotional We can be overly sensitive and emotional And if things go bad …. And if things go bad …. We feel searing emotional pain We feel searing emotional pain We can’t sleep or suffer “early rising” We can’t sleep or suffer “early rising” We feel worthless, humiliated We feel worthless, humiliated It’s like withdrawal from an addictive drug It’s like withdrawal from an addictive drug

As time goes on … Even if we stay together, the potency of this “chemical cocktail” slowly fades Even if we stay together, the potency of this “chemical cocktail” slowly fades We just can’t maintain this high We just can’t maintain this high Maybe it’s a simple matter of building tolerance Maybe it’s a simple matter of building tolerance Or maybe it’s because we just need four years of intense bonding for two parents to conceive and nurture their child Or maybe it’s because we just need four years of intense bonding for two parents to conceive and nurture their child

Chemistry and love part ii But just because the neurotransmitters aligned with infatuation fade, does that mean that such chemicals play no further role in keeping couples together? But just because the neurotransmitters aligned with infatuation fade, does that mean that such chemicals play no further role in keeping couples together? Nope, different neurotransmitters and hormones exert their influence to keep us together. Nope, different neurotransmitters and hormones exert their influence to keep us together.

Endorphins to the rescue Some theorists contend that as the intense passion and lust prompted by PEA and dopamine fades, the brain produces more and more endorphins soothing us with their morphine-like effects Some theorists contend that as the intense passion and lust prompted by PEA and dopamine fades, the brain produces more and more endorphins soothing us with their morphine-like effects They give us security and serenity They give us security and serenity But if their source vanishes, for whatever reason, nasty withdrawal ensues But if their source vanishes, for whatever reason, nasty withdrawal ensues

The “cuddle” chemical Another chemical influence that keeps couples together is the hormone oxytocin Another chemical influence that keeps couples together is the hormone oxytocin Released when we express physical affection, especially through skin contact Released when we express physical affection, especially through skin contact Hugging, massage, foreplay, and especially, breast feeding Hugging, massage, foreplay, and especially, breast feeding Strong feelings of intimacy and contentment Strong feelings of intimacy and contentment Prairie voles have it in spades, until …. Prairie voles have it in spades, until ….

And then there’s testosterone A hormone crucial for sexual interest and response for both men and women A hormone crucial for sexual interest and response for both men and women Women have much less, but are more sensitive to its effects Women have much less, but are more sensitive to its effects Produced in the male’s testes and women’s ovaries Produced in the male’s testes and women’s ovaries If a male endures castration (surgical removal of the testes) his sexual interest and activity diminish dramatically If a male endures castration (surgical removal of the testes) his sexual interest and activity diminish dramatically

Behaviors that bind us Gottman examined why relationships last and thrive or fade and fail Gottman examined why relationships last and thrive or fade and fail The 5 to 1 ratio The 5 to 1 ratio Successful relationships have at least 5 positive interactions to every negative interaction Successful relationships have at least 5 positive interactions to every negative interaction More important than compatibility, frequency of fights, etc. More important than compatibility, frequency of fights, etc.