Men Against Violence A non-profit men’s program committed to helping men age 16 and older stop violence to themselves, their intimate partners, their families and their communities.
History The MAV program uses the Manalive curriculum originally designed in Today the program has expanded to the communities of San Francisco, Marin, Sacramento, Placer, and Nevada counties. The Manalive model is used in San Quentin State Prison, as well as the Marin, San Francisco and Sacramento county jails.
Penal Code The Manalive curriculum was used as the model for State Assembly Bill 226 which defined the parameters for all batterer’s intervention programs (BIP) statewide.
Solution We provide a structured environment where men can re-educate themselves to live a non violent life. Awareness + Action = Change
A 52 Week Three Stage Program First Stage Stopping My Violence To My Partner Second Stage Coming Back to Your Authentic Self Third Stage Creating a Fulfillment Plan
First Stage Stopping My Violence To My Partner
Accountability It’s the first step to stop your violence, and the first agreement we ask the men to make: “I agree that I am violent to myself and others.”
Types of Violence Emotional (Space, Time, Energy, Material) Verbal (Trivialize, Thingify, Threaten) Physical (To / Around) Sexual
Legal System Transformation New Policies Being Enforced Towards Domestic Violence Zero Tolerance ProArrest Dominant Aggressor
Off the Focus DenialBlameMinimizeCollude
Impact of Domestic Violence PartnerChildrenFamily/CommunitySelf
Gender Based Analysis Patriarchal, Cultural and Conditioning “Men are superior over others, including other men.”
Why I Become Violent? Enforcing the Male Role Belief System of Being Superior Over My Partner * Remove the Mystery of Your Violence * Violence is a Method I Use to Make Me Feel Like a “Real Man” Like a “Real Man” * A Method of Getting Your “MRBS” Needs Fulfilled Fulfilled
The Male Role Belief System Training Beliefs Get love and respect if we stay in our box. Get love and respect if we make sure she stays in her box. F eel A ct C ommunicate T hink S ex F eel A ct C ommunicate T hink S ex
The Male Role Belief System My Role Acting the part of a Real Man Being who I have been trained to be Training Conscious / Unconscious I am Superior She Holds Up Your Box Her job is to make me feel like the man I have to be. F eel A ct C ommunicate T hink S ex F eel A ct C ommunicate T hink S ex
Fatal Peril Deadly Fear of Image Dying False Alarm Body Signs TenseTightnessContraction Head Tapes StoryFeelings
Fatal Peril Use of Violence Force partner back in the box SubtleEscalateIntimidateCoerceAbuse
New Coping Skills Learning New Actions and Communication Skills That Takes Us Out Of The Box To Connect Safely My Partner Nurturing Myself Taking Care of My Needs All In A Peaceful Way!
Tools for Building Intimacy The 4 A’s AttentionAcceptanceAppreciationAffection
Tools for Building Intimacy QTIP = Quit Taking It Personally What others say is a projection of their own reality. Based on their past experiences, their interpretation of now or their imagined future. When you are immune to your “MRBS” training you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Peace Maker No matter what she does… No matter how she does it No matter what she says… No matter how she says it No matter what she thinks… No matter what I think No matter what she feels... No matter what I feel It’s up to me to create peace...
Peace Maker (cont.) It’s up to me to create peace... In my heart, with my partner, and in my home No matter what I will shift my energy, relax my body, replace my thoughts, and connect safely.
Stage 2 Don’t Forget Stage 1 Come Back to Your Authentic Self
Your Shift Occurs When You Learn… How To Be Authentically Human In Seeing Her and Seeing Yourself As EQUAL As VALUABLE As POWERFUL To Shift Your Beliefs Based on Fear, Blame, Judgment, and Victim
The Shift of Perception My Perspective Changes… to one of equality to one of equality Perspective Changes… Changes my story Different Perspective… Creates a different me
The Shift of Perception (con’t) My Partner Is Free To Pursue In the Style and Timing of Her Choosing Her LIFE Her LIBERTY Her HAPPINESS Her SAFETY
Discover Your Authentic Self (con’t) Soften Yourself Relax Your Body Replace Your Hit-Man’s Story
Discover Your Authentic Self (con’t) Stop – Look – Listen… From your heart Declare and Respect Boundaries Conscious Breath, Conscious Choice Blow out the candles / Smell the roses
Discover Your Authentic Self (con’t) Identify Feelings Under Anger FearSadnessPain Express Safely
Style and Timing Is Critical Authentic Self - Sincere and Honest - Gentle - Adaptable - Patient - Ability to stand under your own and other’s experiences with empathy and compassion to experiences with empathy and compassion to connect safely connect safely
Choose Skills that Work for any Situation CompassionEmpathyLoveRespect
Stage 3 Create a Self Fulfillment Plan & Restore Intimacy
Rescue Triangle Co-Dependency RescueVictimPerpetrator
Creating Fulfillment Without depending on others… Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Money, etc.
Tools for Restoring Intimacy Create Balance Through: Exercise, Diet, Sleep, Positive Thinking and Spirituality 12 Step Programs, Support Groups, Parenting Classes, Self-Help Classes and Community Service
Tools for Creating a Self Fulfillment Plan Fascination When I Can Choose Fascination In Every Situation Negotiate When I Can Negotiate Safely With My Partner Collaborate When I Can Collaborate As An Equal Manifestation When I can allow our efforts to Manifest freely Celebrate When I Can Celebrate The Love and the Power Of Each Of Us