July 17, 1945 Joel D. Heck

The Coventry Evening Telegraph (July 17, 1945) Samuel Alexander, Time and Deity: experiencing pleasure vs. contemplating pleasure SBJ: This discovery flashed a new light back on my whole life. I saw that all my waitings and watchings for Joy, all my vain hopes to find some mental content on which I could, so to speak, lay my finger and say, This is it, had been a futile attempt to contemplate [JH: analyze] the enjoyed [JH: experience]. All that such watching and waiting ever could find would be either an image... or a quiver in the diaphragm. I should never have to bother again about these images or sensations…

…I knew now that they were merely the mental track left by the passage of Joynot the wave but the waves imprint on the sand. The inherent dialectic of desire itself had in a way already shown me this; for all images and sensations, if idolatrously mistaken for Joy itself, soon honestly confessed themselves inadequate. All said, in the last resort, It is not I. I am only a reminder. Look! Look! What do I remind you of?

The moment one asks oneself Do I believe? all belief seems to go. I think this is because one is trying to turn round and look at something which is there to be used and work fromtrying to take out ones eyes instead of keeping them in the right place and seeing with them. I find that it happens about other matters as well as faith. In my experience only v. robust pleasures will stand the question, Am I really enjoying this? Or attention the moment I begin thinking about my attention (to a book or a lecture) I have ipso facto ceased attending.

Which is first, at or along? Which is more important? So what?