Bell Work Read textbook pages 320-323 “Conflict Resolution Skills” Check out the “Did you know?” on pages 321 & 322

The process of ending a conflict by cooperating and problem solving Conflict Resolution Definition: The process of ending a conflict by cooperating and problem solving

Objectives Define tolerance. Define negotiation. Name & describe the 3 ways to handle a conflict. Passive, aggressive & assertive Explain why “I” statements are an effective way to communicate.

Preventing Conflict Tolerance Accepting others’ differences & allowing them to be who they are without expressing disapproval TB 321

Solving a Conflict Negotiation Process in which compromising is used to reach agreement Talking, listening, considering other person’s point of view, compromising No blaming TB 322

Responding to Conflicts “You” statements Nothing solved Have to get THEIR way “I” statements Best chance of resolution Willing to compromise & say sorry Little/nothing said Nothing solved, give in Never stick up for yourself Aggressive Bully 2. Assertive Leader High self esteem Admits mistakes 3. Passive Follower Low self esteem TB 306-307

Communication Skills I Statements You idiot! Communication Skills I Statements

How to use an I statement It is a verbal message! I feel ______________________ when ______________________ because ___________________. I’d like/I want _______________. Would you consider _________ ___________________________? Identify feelings and situation Give an example solution (compromise) Think about what the other person would want… put yourself in their shoes.

EXAMPLE Parents won’t let you out past 10 I feel untrusted when I can’t go out after 10 because I’ve been well behaved. I’d like/I want to try and compromise. Would you consider letting me stay out until 11?

How to avoid “you”… When you keep bothering me When I am distracted Because you always make me Because I’m made to Turn it into… Turn it into…

Example Conflicts Getting picked on by classmates or friends Seeing someone else get picked on Chores Computer usage Girl/boyfriend wants to spend every day with you Not allowed to go somewhere Clothes/hair Curfew Cell phone (bill…)

Example Conflicts A person is saying “you’re stupid.” You witness a person telling someone they’re stupid Your brother does not have to do as many chores as you do. Your sister won’t let you on the computer. Your girlfriend wants to spend every day with you. You’re being picked on for being small. Your parents will not let you go to a school dance. You don’t like that a friend of yours keeps poking fun at you. Your parents won’t let you wear certain clothes on the weekend or do your hair a certain way.

Now you try… Your parents will not let go somewhere Now you try… Your parents will not let go somewhere. Concert, dance, mall, friend’s house… I feel ______________ when ____________________________________ because _________________________________. I’d like/I want _____________________________. Would you consider ________________________ _______________________________________?

What is the importance of each line in an I Statement? Use a feeling word (upset, let down, sad, disappointed) Explain the situation in detail & avoid “you” Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy line) “it is important to me.” “it hurts my feelings.” “to compromise.” “to fix our misunderstanding.” “talk about this tonight.” “be friends again.” Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be specific!! Both people must be okay with the suggestion. I feel when because I’d like/I want Would you consider

What is the importance of each line in an I Statement? Use a feeling word (upset, let down, sad, disappointed) Explain the situation in detail & avoid “you” Explain feelings and how it affects you (sympathy line) “it is important to me.” “it hurts my feelings.” I feel when because

What is the importance of each line in an I Statement? “to compromise.” “to fix our misunderstanding.” “talk about this tonight.” “be friends again.” Ideas/solutions to fix the conflict. Be specific!! Both people must be okay with the suggestion. I’d like/I want Would you consider

Important Elements Of An I Statement I feel identify a feeling (upset, sad, disappointed) when describe the situation in detail & avoid you because explain feelings to get their sympathy I’d like/I want ideas of what to say here: fix our misunderstanding, talk about this tonight, compromise, to be friends again… Would you consider an idea/solution/compromise to fix/improve the conflict. It must be specific & something both people would agree to.

How to use an I statement It is a verbal message! I feel ______________________ when ______________________ because ___________________. I’d like/I want _______________. Would you consider _________ ___________________________? Identify feelings and situation Give an example solution (compromise)

EXAMPLE Your friend is dating your X-girl/boyfriend I feel angry when I see you with so-and-so because we spent lots of time together. I’d like/I want some time to heal. Would you consider waiting a few weeks to see each other?

Why use I statements? I statements anger you statements violence hate

True/False 1. True False I statements prevent people from trying to guess why you are mad. 2. True False Tolerance is accepting others differences without expressing disapproval. 3. True False I statements should involve a compromise. 4. True False Passive people always have to get their way. 5. True False Negotiation is a method to prevent conflicts.

6. True False I Statements are always effective in solving conflicts. 7. True False Assertive people use a sincere tone of voice when discussion a conflict. 8. True False I statements are only shared with the friends of the person you are upset with. 9. True False You have no control over how the other person responds in a conflict situation. 10. True False A compromise is when both people are comfortable with a solution to a problem. 11. True False The word “you” is considered to be an assertive term.

When you won’t let me go to the concert Your parents will not let you take the train to a mid-day concert in Chicago this weekend with your friends and two adults. You want to go and are going to try an “I statement” to resolve the conflict. 1. I feel angry When you won’t let me go to the concert Because I never get to go anywhere. I’d like/I want you to reconsider. Would you consider letting me go? I feel disappointed When I couldn’t go to the concert in Chicago Because I’m responsible. I’d like/I want to compromise. Would you consider letting me go if I call you twice? 2.

When I am not able to go to the concert with my friends 3. I feel left out When I am not able to go to the concert with my friends Because I know they’re going to have a good time. I’d like/I want to compromise. Would you consider letting me go if I am home by 10 pm? I feel not trusted When I can’t go to the concert with 2 adults Because I can take care of myself. I’d like/I want to go to the concert. Would you consider letting me go to the concert? 4.

In you’re opinion, which I statement is the best? Why? Which statement is the most aggressive? Why? Which statement(s) do not provide a solution or compromise? In which statement does the person just keep repeating themselves?

Will they always work? No But… You can’t control other people But… You’ve tried your best to resolve conflict in an assertive way Helps your self-esteem Feel good Might make the person think more about situation Didn’t escalate problem Add to the fire