Is this Bullying? A Guide for Parents of Elementary School Students For a behavior to be deemed “bullying”, it needs to include ALL of the following elements as defined by Massachusetts State Law: Threats, stalking, assault, hazing, cyber-bullying – parts of the law – not attributed to our population

Must be repeated action(s) by one or more students Must be written, verbal or electronic expression or a physical act or gesture or any combination thereof Must be directed at a victim so that it causes one or more of the following: ~ physical or emotional harm to the victim ~damage to victim’s property ~places the victim in reasonable fear of harm to himself ~creates a hostile environment at school for victim ~substantially disrupts the education process or orderly operation of a school

but they are not bullying. One-time incidents may be deliberately mean or cruel but they are not bullying. When these incidents are brought to the attention of school personnel, they are subject to school discipline per policy and under the discretion of the school Principal. We always want students to feel safe and secure, We operate under the core values and mission of the Swampscott Public Schools. Teach pro-social behaviors – age appropriate instruction on bullying prevention School counselors Resources within school system and community So and so bullied me. Tell me what happened. He told me to leave.

District Bullying Task Force All Principals First meeting August 20, 2010 Assessing needs and resources Handbook changes Professional Development Specific Bullying Prevention Approaches Leaders-prim role-creating sustaining culture of respect

Reporting and Responding to bullying and retaliation Staff, students, parents or guardians, etc. Oral or written – record and the response… Before investigating, assess immediate safety of alleged target Notify parents/guardians of the target and the aggressor Law enforcement if principal suspects criminal charges Bullied on bus-avoid problem on ride home

Investigation by Principal or Designee Retaliation is prohibited Is remedial action required Parents/guardians of target and aggressor notified what action to prevent further acts Confidentiality of student records – No discussion of disciplinary action

Parents + School = Prevention at home and at school… Promote and model respectful ways and language Foster an understanding of and respect for diversity and difference Teach positive communication skills, anger management skills, and empathy for others Prevent, intervene early, and respond effectively

Bullying “A person is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed repeatedly and over time to negative actions on the part of one or more persons.” (Olweus, 1991) “Bullying is longstanding violence, physical or psychological conducted by an individual or a group and directed against an individual who is not able to defend himself in the actual situation.” (Roland, 1989) “Bullying is when one person uses power in a willful manner with the aim of hurting another individual repeatedly.” (Garrity et. Al. 1997) Bullying is the willful conscious desire to hurt another and put him/her under stress.” (Tattum, 1998) A bully is anyone who uses a position of relative power to direct negative intent against another person.” ( Cox)

Bullying Power imbalance Bully’s intent to harm Victim’s distress Repeated over time Reputations and power differential consolidates over time

Bullying Myth or Fact? Both boys and girls bully but tactics differ. Bullies are not anxious and have positive self-images. Bullies are not loners. Bullies tend to be at average or slightly below average academically. Bullies come in all sizes. Bullies lack compassion. Bullies value the reward they receive from aggression. There is no main reason. Both boys and girls bully but their tactics differ: Boys bully with physical aggression, girls are more indirect (social alienation or humiliation). Bullies are not anxious and have positive self-images: Bullies are not insecure children, but often have positive (often unrealistic) self-images reflecting a strong need to dominate with power and threats. Bullies are not loners: Bullies almost always have a small network of peers who encourage, admire, and model their bullying behaviour Bullies tend to be at average or slightly below average academically. Bullies come in all sizes … they can even intimidate victims who are physically larger than they if there is an imbalance of power. Bullies lack compassion … they often feel justified in their actions Bullies value the reward they receive from aggression … bullies value the attention, control over someone, or the material possessions they receive as a result of their bully behaviour. There is no main reason … looking different is one reason children are victimized, but there is not main reason. Isolation and personality type are more often determining factors. Adapted from Bully-Proofing Your School.: A Comprehensive Approach for Elementary Schools (Second Edition), 2000

Bullying Myth or Fact? Returned aggression is not usually effective. Requesting adult intervention will help equalize the power imbalance. When bullies are confronted their power is defused. Teachers can learn to handle a bully. Bullies can separate home from school. Bullying behavior requires specific intervention techniques. It is not good to bring parents of the bully and the victim together. Returned aggression is not usually effective … it often motivates the bully into further attacks. Assertion, rather than aggression, is effective. Requesting adult intervention will help equalize the power imbalance… if adults within a school are committed to preventing bullying behaviour, seeking their help is effective as it equalizes the imbalance of power between the bully and the victim. When bullies are confronted their power is defused … when bullies are confronted by a united front of their peers who support the victims and believe that bullying behaviour is not socially acceptable, their power is defused. Teachers can learn to handle a bully… some teacher may feel uncomfortable or threatened in conflict situations. Later we will identify our predominant conflict resolution style, and identify others on staff with complementary styles in order to turn to them for support in difficult situations. Bullies can separate home from school … bullies can be taught responsible school behaviour even when aggression is modeled and/or reinforced at home. Bullying behaviour requires specific intervention techniques … bullying behaviour does not usually change with traditional therapy, but requires interventions that increase skill deficits and corrects thinking errors. It is not good to bring parents of the bully and the victim together… although not a good strategy to bring both sets of parents together, it is essential to meet with each set of parents individually to provide them with specific assistance for their particular child. Adapted from Bully-Proofing Your School.: A Comprehensive Approach for Elementary Schools (Second Edition), 2000

Bullying Myth or Fact? The cycle of victimization can be broken. The responsibility for the aggression is the bullies. Students with special learning needs may be at greater risk of being bullied. The cycle of victimization can be broken … the cycle can be broken by working at the school and classroom level, and by working with the individual child who is victimized. The responsibility for the aggression is the bullies’. However, victims of bullying are not randomly targeted but victimized because of characteristics and behaviours that make them easier to target for a bully. These include being physically weak, crying easily, being anxious, and insecure, and lacking age-appropriate social skills. Students with special learning needs may be at greater risk of being bullied … due to factors such as their disability or the fact that they may be less well integrated socially. If they have behaviour problems and act out aggressively, they can become provocative victims. If they have trouble picking up on or processing social cues, they may act shy and inhibited and become passive victims. Having a disability is not the main reason children get bullied however it on a factor that singles the victim out for being bullied. Adapted from Bully-Proofing Your School.: A Comprehensive Approach for Elementary Schools (Second Edition), 2000

Research on Bullying 20-35% of children report being involved in bullying 73% of teachers report they usually intervene 25% of students report that teachers intervene bullying generally hidden from adults children under-report bullying 75% of bullies are boys bullying peaks in 11-12 age group common locations are playground, hallways, classrooms, lunchrooms and washrooms bullying not influenced by socioeconomic status Research on bullying comes primarily from three sources teacher views about the nature and incidence of bullying direct inquiries with children and adolescents basically, longitudinal studies on the topic see bullying in elementary schools as a precursor to violent behaviour

Forms of Bullying Physical Verbal Relational Reactive Indirect Bullying name-calling taunting rumor gossiping arguing withdrawing friendship silent treatment exclusion Direct Bullying shoving and poking throwing things taking things slapping and hitting punching and kicking beating

Normal Conflict Vs Bullying Equal power-friends Happens occasionally Accidental Not serious Equal emotional reaction Not seeking power or attention Not trying to get something Remorse-take responsibility Effort to solve the problem Bullying Imbalance of power; not friends Repeated negative actions Purposeful Serious-threat of physical harm or emotional or psychological hurt Seeking power, control Trying to gain material things or power No remorse-blames victim No effort to solve the problem

Understanding the Victim Victims are not randomly targeted tend to be anxious, insecure and lacking in social skills usually a loner and isolated from the group may be small or physically weak cry easily and nonassertive may have a physical or learning disability

Understanding the Bully Strong confident, impulsive and aggressive low verbal intelligence and school achievement same age or slightly older than victim family dysfunction not empathic or remorseful bullying = thrill, power, control violence OK way to solve conflict

School-Wide Plan… the benefits Collaborative is proactive not punitive creates a shared understanding about bullying and its affects assists a school community with the skills and language to respond provides a framework for action directs an array of interventions

Parents can ... Actively support your child model respect, understanding and non-aggression encourage talk about school and friends help build your child’s confidence teach increased responsibility avoid overprotecting your child help your child acquire better social skills report victimization to the school assert your child’s right not to be harassed talk with your child’s teacher ask to see a copy of the school’s values statements(code of conduct) or policy on bullying

Caring and Respectful Schools A Shared Responsibiltiy Bullying Prevention