We Can Handle Cliques! Introduce topic to students. Ask if they’ve heard the word “clique” and explain that it’s pronounced ‘CLICK”. Do they know what it means? Elicit responses from a number of different students to gauge their perspective on the topic.

What are “cliques”? Cliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques The thing that makes a group a clique is that they leave some kids out on purpose Read slide with students and define the word. Explain the difference between a group of friends and a clique. adapted from www.kidshealth.org

adapted from www.kidshealth.org usually one or two kids control who gets to be in the clique and who gets left out kids may act differently than they did before they were part of the clique – that can be confusing! Read slide with students. Talk about how there’s usually a very assertive kid or two who seem to be the “leaders” of the clique. Then talk about how confusing it can be when someone treats you differently than they did before. Ask students if this has ever happened to them. adapted from www.kidshealth.org

Why do kids join cliques? because they like the same things because they want to be popular because they want to belong google images Read slide with students and talk about each bullet point. Talk about how natural it is to want to hang out with kids who like the same things you do. That doesn’t mean it’s a clique – unless you’re leaving someone out on purpose. Explain that sometimes kids join cliques because they think that’s the way to be popular. Also talk about we all want to belong – and that sometimes that leads to joining a clique as a way to feel that you belong. adapted from www.kidshealth.org

adapted from www.kidshealth.org It can be confusing because someone who was your friend yesterday is treating you differently today! Read slide with students and talk about why it’s so confusing to be treated differently by someone you thought was your friend. You may not be able to figure out what you did to deserve such treatment! adapted from www.kidshealth.org

Why aren’t you in the clique too? maybe you had an argument with your friend and he or she joined the clique maybe you look, act, or dress differently than they do maybe you’re the “new kid” in school Read slide with students and remind them while sometimes cliques form because of common interests, it could also happen b/c you and your friend had a fight and you went your separate ways. It could also be because you’re different from other members in the clique. Emphasize that you’ll address this later in the session. Also talk about what it’s like to be the new kid in school – has anyone in the class had that experience?

How would you feel to be outside of the clique? sad angry Read slide with students and ask for their input. Click to bring up 4 possible feelings associated with being left out of a clique: (sad, lonely, angry, hurt). Ask for additional ideas from the students (i.e. depressed, defeated, frustrated, etc.) hurt lonely

Kids in cliques may act differently than they would outside of the group Read slide with students. Explain that cliques can have a lot of power over their members and can lead them to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do – like hurt a friend. they might go along with what others are doing, even if they know it’s not right – even if it means leaving out a friend

I don’t think we should be so mean – but I don’t know what to do.. Some kids might even feel bad about the way they treat other kids, but they can’t figure out how to be cool and still be nice to the person who’s not in the clique I don’t think we should be so mean – but I don’t know what to do.. Read slide with students. Ask if they’ve ever been in a situation like this and what they ended up doing.

But that’s no excuse… Lots of kids manage to be nice to everyone – whether they’re in or outside their closest group of friends… all without being part of a clique! Read slide with students. Discuss the benefits to being nice to everyone. What can happen when you’re nice to people? Lead students to outcomes such as: you can make more friends; you feel better about yourself/have better self-esteem; people may be nice back to you; school can be more fun; etc.

Who can help? parents older sisters and brothers other family members (like cousins, grandparents, uncles and aunts) teachers Read slide with students. Talk about how it can be helpful to talk to others about the situation. Ask students if they’ve ever gone to any of the people listed for help when feeling left out. What was the result?

How can they help? Adults can help kids learn to: deal with feelings of being left out make new friends include each other mend hurt feelings repair broken friendships Read slide with students. Explain that adults can give advice about how to handle cliques, as well as how to work on friendships. All you have to do is ask!

5 things to try if cliques are upsetting you: What can you do? 5 things to try if cliques are upsetting you: Find friends Speak up Invite a friend Don’t take it out on yourself Look for friends everywhere Read slide with students. Talk about how there are things to try if you’re dealing with a clique. Read each point and explain that you’ll go over each one in more detail.

1. Find friends find other friends hang out with kids who aren’t part of a clique make friends outside of school be open to kids who look or act differently than you do Read slide with students. Go over each bullet point and talk about how these strategies can increase your friendship circle! All it takes is an open mind!

2. Speak up if your group of friends has suddenly turned into a clique, speak up it’s okay to say that you want to invite others to hang out be prepared – the clique may go on without you OR they might follow your lead and stop acting so “clique-y” talk with your school counselor Read slide with students. Talk about how it may seem difficult to speak up if you disagree with the actions of your group of friends – it’s turning into a clique! Standing up for your beliefs may not be easy, but you can do it in a friendly way so that you are true to yourself without making enemies. Talking with your school counselor may lead to having peer advocates to support other students.

You gotta try this new video game I got – wanna come over Saturday? 3. Invite a friend if you’re outside the clique and want to be friends with someone in it, invite that person to do something with you on the weekend maybe that person will have such a good time with you, that he or she will realize it’s silly not to hang out with you more often BUT be prepared for disappointment – that person may slip back into the clique on Monday at school You gotta try this new video game I got – wanna come over Saturday? Read slide with students. Explain that sometimes people act differently when they’re away from the clique – so weekends might be a good time to try to connect. However, point out that even if things go well between you two, it may be back to “cliquesville” on Monday at school.

4. Don’t take it out on yourself if some kids are mean to you because they think you don’t fit in, don’t let them make decisions about the kind of kid you are going to be decide for yourself if you want to change – make sure you’re doing it for YOU! Read slide with students. Explain that sometimes you feel you want to change something about yourself – like get fit, get a new haircut, wear more fashionable clothing, etc. That’s okay – as long as you’re doing it because YOU want to, not because someone or some clique is making you feel like you have to in order to fit in.

5. Look for friends everywhere Did you know? The most popular and well-liked kids are the ones who are friendly to everyone! do your best to be friendly and open to everyone look for chances to meet, talk with, and do stuff with plenty of different kids Read slide with students. Talk about how being open-minded to the possibilities of making new friends is so important. Give examples like asking someone who’s sitting alone in the cafeteria to join you at lunch. Or seeing someone watching you play basketball outside the fence and asking them to play too. You never know where you’ll find a new good friend!

So remember: What can you do about cliques? Find friends Speak up Invite a friend Don’t take it out on yourself Look for friends everywhere

I wish they wouldn’t say that about my old friend… So…what do YOU think? What if you find yourself in a clique and you feel trapped. Yeah, it’s nice that the cool kids like you, but you don’t want to leave anyone out and you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. What can you do? I wish they wouldn’t say that about my old friend… Read slide with students. Talk about the situation and ask for their ideas on how to solve the problem. Refer students back to the 5 strategies if necessary. Also encourage them to talk to an adult if they feel stuck in the situation.