Chapter 10 Variations in Sexual Behavior

Atypical Sexual Behavior Sometimes used instead of ‘sexual variation’ ‘Kinky sex’ is also used None of which mean ‘abnormal’ just not the majority of Americans engaging in particular act Or it occurs outside of culturally sanctioned sexual behaviors

Non Scientific or Non Clinical Terms Nymphomania pejorative Usually refers to “abnormal or excessive” sexual desire in a woman Usually applied to sexually active single women What’s “abnormal” or “excessive”? Not recognized clinically by the APA Was used to pathologize women’s sexual behavior if it deviated from 19th century moral standards

Non Scientific or Non Clinical Terms Satyriasis refers to “abnormal” or “uncontrollable” sexual desire in men. Not used clinically by the APA Less commonly used than nymphomania for some reason...

More on S&M Sociological literature demonstrates how “S&M as dependent upon meanings, which are culturally produced, learned, and reinforced by participation in the S&M subculture.” http://www.niu.edu/user/tj0bjs1/bdsm/Weinberg%20(1987).pdf

Frame Analysis Most men in the U.S. S&M world appeared to be submissives. Goffman’s Frame analysis conceives of human interaction as being bounded or "framed' by social definitions that give the behavior a specific contextual meaning.

The meaning of what is happening is shared, and a variety of "keys" are used to cue participants into what is "really going on." Frames not only define interaction, but they also control and restrict it as well.

Definition of the Situation They set forth mutually agreed upon limits for behavior, which participants accept as inviolable. So, for example, what may appear to the uninitiated observer as a violent act may really be a theatrical and carefully controlled "performance" from the perspective of the participants.

Men are able to be submissive in an S&M scene because it is framed as play or fantasy, and that roles are frequently reversed in play without spilling over into other aspects of social life. Moreover, even within the play frame, men often take roles such as "naughty child," "slave," and so forth, so that it is not the man as his "real self" who is being degraded by a woman, but the man in some other role who is being punished.

M. S. Weinberg, Williams, & Moser (1984) explored the heterosexual S&M world. They identified five social features that were integral to S&M as a social behavior: (a) dominance and submission, (b) role playing, (c) consensuality, (d) a sexual context, and (e) mutual definition.

“Caeden” Community Subculture and Community: Pain and Authenticity in SM Play by Newmahr Urban SM community in the northeastern United States. Share view that they did not belong anywhere prior to finding the SM scene. Sense of being understood, of being known, underlies the importance of community for many.

SM Scene / Caeden Multisite ethnographic, fieldwork project. Participant observation Author part of this community for 4 years (2002-2006), which “dominated” her life. SM “scene” – social interaction that involves the mutually consensual and conscious use, among two or more people, of pain, power, perceptions about power, or any combination thereof, for psychological, emotional, or sensory pleasure.

SM and Performance Outside community, SM is “role play.” Mitigates what might otherwise be understood as violence. Consenting adults free to suspend “real lives” for sake of erotic enjoyment: “teacher” spanks “student” for misbehaving. Pain is NOT central. BUT role play occurs only occasionally. When roles are adopted, pain is often central aspect of the scene.

SM and Performance “Top” – person who appears to be directing action in SM scene. “Bottom” – submissive person, who action is being directed to in SM scene.

Power Exchange Used to describe both objective and dynamics of SM interactions; trade. Core tenet: link between SM participants is quest for sense of authenticity in experiences of power imbalance. Authenticity is emotional, physical and psychological experience, NOT in presentation to others.

Framing Pain Four distinct discourses of pain: (1) Transformed pain (2) Sacrificial pain (3) Investment pain (4) Autotelic pain

1. Transformed Pain Centers on disavowal of pain. Engage in mild to moderate pain. When pain is experienced, understood as NOT hurting. Pain transformed into pleasure.

2: Sacrificial Pain Undesirable sensation that remains an undesirable sensation throughout. Pain NOT transformed into pleasure, pain is, and must remain, suffering where it is a sacrifice of the “bottom” person. Pain is primary tool used to reinforce and construct power imbalance between players.

3. Investment Pain Draws heavily on hyper-masculine narratives of pain (e.g., “no pain, no gain”). Men – whether top or bottom – frame pain in this way more often than women do. Suffering is not for sake of another, thus uniquely masculine. Often less personal than sacrificial pain, this type is rewarded by result of the pain, regardless of inflictor. Reward can also come from withstanding pain, rather than pain itself.

4: Autotelic Pain Experienced, valued and appreciated. Tops and bottoms who want the pain, or “like it” are minority in SM community. Reject “pain as undesirable” or pain-seeking as pathological. This type of pain begins as pain, ends as pain and is enjoyable nonetheless.

iDollators

iDollators Persons who are aficionados of high-end love dolls who use them not only as sex toys but also for companionship. Until recently, world of iDollatory largely unknown. Life-size silicone dolls that are quite realistic, weighing up to 100 pounds. Range from $250-$10,000 per doll. Customized to individual preferences. Variety in size (weight, etc.), skin, hair, face, genitalia, eye, makeup, fingernail color, etc. Qualitative and quantitative research. Participants from US and abroad ranging 17 to mid-70s in age. Talked/interviewed 48 participants; 31 responded to questionnaire.

iDollators Some dismiss them as pathological (e.g., Egan, 2011; Tabori, 1969), misogynistic and potential rapists. Some argue that they have a “rubber fetish.” Based on extensive literature review, no systematic psychological research has been conducted to support theoretical assertions of pathological behavior

iDollators Some men who purchase dolls are NOT iDollators; they have a “doll fetish” and use them as mere sexy toys. Many consider them objects, store them in closets, under the bed, or in basements and pull them out when engaging in sexual pleasure – they hide them. Focus of this study is finding, talking to, and understanding those men whom are referred to as “iDollators,” their social relationships with dolls, and their reasons.

Motivation Sexually curious – 1/5 of men in study purchased doll largely due to sexual boredom. Physically disqualified – 1/4 of men in study turned to dolls because they perceived themselves as unattractive. Rejected & wary – 1/5 turned to dolls as result of negative experiences in relationships with real women. Sad – filling a void due to loss of partner. Handicapped – 1/8 of men in study. Sexually unfulfilled – 1/5 of men in study. Some: Some men who purchase dolls are NOT iDollators; they have a “doll fetish” and use them as mere sexy toys. Many consider them objects, store them in closets, under the bed, or in basements and pull them out when engaging in sexual pleasure – they hide them. Focus of this study is finding, talking to, and understanding those men whom are referred to as “iDollators,” their social relationships with dolls, and their reasons.

Motivation cont. Fearful – for same reasons mentioned above, as well as fear of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases (STDs); getting a woman pregnant; or had already experienced such things. Ashamed – 1/5 of men in study; strict religious dogma prohibiting homosexuality. So instead, turned to dolls.

Real Doll Functions Acquisition of synthetic life partner provided: Companionship to combat loneliness, sadness, and/or grief. Allowed various men to deal with their past (or anticipated) anxiety and difficulties. Improved their self-image. Allowed men to engage in (self-labeled) sexually prohibited behavior, while not labeling themselves as deviant.

Money Slavery Money slavery: involves males giving money or gifts to women they meet online in exchange for being degraded, humiliated or blackmailed Described as “…ultimate depiction of economic dehumanization” Some Internet sites where participants can be found: The Real Money Slaves Money Slaves 101 Cash Fetish Money Slaves Fellowship Forum

Money Mistresses Request various forms of remuneration from men in order to obtain ongoing contact Commonly require them to send “tributes” electronically or by credit card or Pay Pal Many have an “initiation fee” or “introductory tribute” before men are made money slaves Some require that men pay off a bill each month (rent, car, electric, phone, etc.) Some might request men buy them items from computerized “wish list”

Money Mistresses Some men give exorbitant amounts of money to women: One woman’s website shows copy of $50,000 wire transfer Copies of $17,000 credit card receipts Little evidence that any physical meetings ever occur between money slaves & money mistresses Blackmail services: man fills out online application with name, address, telephone number of girlfriend, wife or employer as well as other discrediting information Money slave is required to pay mistress to avoid having information revealed

Money Mistresses Chastity belt program: money slave buys device & sends mistress key. In turn, he is required to pay a fee to have key returned to him Other “services” include purchases of: Used panties ($75) Locks of her hair ($100) Worn socks ($45) Phone sex calls ($9.99 per minute) One money slave reported paying $330 for a conversation

B. Money Masochists Sexual interests seem to motivate the money slaves Psychological pain appears to be important to many masochists. Pain encompasses: Feeling of helplessness Subservience Humiliation Degradation Money slaves reported being sexually aroused by making payments

A. Discussion Paying for sexual fantasy is not new, but phenomenon of money slavery appears to be novel manifestation of this type of deviance predicated on existence of the Internet Primary contact between mistress & slave takes place via Internet Money slavery entails presentation & consumption of images Money mistress is a character who exists in cyberspace