Ways Parents Can Build Self-Esteem

Teach your child skills. When children say, “I can’t,” they sometimes mean, “I don’t know how.” Show your child how to complete each step of a new task. Have your child practice each step until it is mastered, then move on to next step. Hold high expectations. If you believe your child will do well in school, they probably will. Be careful…If you put too high expectations on your child, then you could harm your child’s self-esteem.

Let your child overhear a compliment. Kids sometimes have trouble “hearing” a compliment spoken directly to them. But when they overhear you talking about what a good job they did, they’ll believe what they hear. That will make them work even harder! Make a folder of accomplishments. Great way to record your child’s successes. Get a ring binder, lots of paper, and set aside some time to work with your child on this! Helpful categories for the scrapbook: Artistic skills (my favorite drawings, songs I can sing). Certificates of achievement from school or other hobbies Places I’ve visited Books I’ve read Things I’m proud of.

Help your child do something for someone else. Provide a regular place to display your child’s best work. The refrigerator door was made just for this! Have your child choose a school paper, drawing, or photo that shows some recent accomplishment. Change the display often. Help your child do something for someone else. By giving to others e.g. collecting items for charity, your child can feel a real sense of accomplishment. Give your child more responsibilities and freedom as they grow older… At least once a year, rethink the rules you set for your child.

Nurture your child’s unique gifts. Build on your child’s strengths. Your behavior can also show your child that you value their interests. (i.e. If your child is concerned about the environment, you could make a family effort to recycle. If your child loves sports, you might set aside time each week to watch a game together). Show your child you love and accept him/her for who they are. Studies have shown that parents who were warm and accepting when their children were young had children with high self-esteem at age 12. Be careful not to compare siblings to one another. Comparing children is harmful to self-esteem. Help each child find and feel good about their own strengths.

Show your child how much you love him/her every day. 10 ways to say “I love you” When you & your child are around other adults, include them in your conversations with them. If your child breaks something, help them fix it. When your child says, “Watch me,” take time to watch them. When your child says, “Read me a story,” treat it as the most wonderful invitation you’ll receive all day. Say “I love you” as often as you can. Make sure you say it at least 2 times—just before your child leaves for school or you leave for work, and the last thing before turning out the light. Take up a new hobby or sport with your child. Spend time learning it together. Give your child a hug. Write notes and put them in your child’s lunch box. Sometimes, take your child for ice cream or a special treat “just because you’re such a great son/daughter.” Set aside some time to talk with your child every day. During that time, don’t watch television, wash the dishes or pay bills. Just be there. Focus on the positive. Don’t ignore behavior that falls short of your expectations. But try to focus on the positive. Always keep two pictures by your child’s bedside. A picture of your child surrounded by family and a picture of he/ she doing something they love. The first picture will remind your child that they are loved. The second picture will remind your child that they are capable. Change pictures often and their self-esteem will grow. Be careful of “over parenting.” Some parents make such an effort to help their children be successful that they don’t let their kids learn for themselves. These parents think they’re helping, but the message their sending is, “You are not capable of doing this by yourself. I must help you or you will fail.” Let your child try…and fail…and try again.

Help your children build family pride. Teach child about relatives as far back on family tree as possible. Talk about country or countries from which their ancestors came. Read books about heritage. Talk about famous people who share same background. Teach about different cultures. Help child learn that all people have many reasons to be proud. Words used as a parent can either build your child’s self- esteem…or destroy it. Expressions that can build self-esteem Knowing you, I’m sure you will do fine. You can do it if you try. I have faith in you. You’re trying your hardest and your work will pay off. I can see you put a lot of effort into that. You can figure it out. That was a good try. Don’t worry about the mistake. Expressions that can hurt a child’s self-esteem You usually make mistakes, so be careful. I doubt that you can do it. You can do better. Better get some help. If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all. That looks too difficult for you to try.

Promote self-discipline. To do this: Enforce family rules (i.e. about bedtime, not eating sweets before meals, picking up toys at the end of the day, etc.) Establish orderly routines at home. Let your child know clearly what is expected of them. Rely less and less on parental discipline and more and more on self-discipline. Expect your child to assume some responsibilities at home. (i.e. Younger children- responsibilities might be picking up toys and feeding pets. Older children can be expected to set table and help with dishes.) Help your child learn the skills needed to work with others. Give plenty of chances to play with other children. Show ways to resolve conflicts. Teach ways to express emotions using “I” statements. (i.e. “I feel angry when you do that…” As children grow older, their relations with friends become an important part of their self-esteem.