Peer Revision Assignment *This assignment is due on Saturday, 5 Dec. at 11:59 pm. *You must log into Turnitin.com to complete this assignment. *You have to review and edit two essays from class.

First Revision Question How compelling is the lead-in to this paper? Please give advices as to how they can improve it. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Second Revision Question Evaluate the strength of the thesis. Make suggestions for improvement. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Third Revision Question Was the language in the paper clear or do you find yourself reading through awkward sentence constructions? Please identify the areas that need revision. Select one and re-write it for them. Evaluate the strength of the thesis. Make suggestions for improvement. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Fourth Revision Question Does the background adequately explain how the controversy came into existence? Does it contain at least two pieces of evidence? Is the commentary shallow? Please explain. Evaluate the strength of the thesis. Make suggestions for improvement. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Fifth Revision Question Does the rebuttal contain the four elements? Does the second sentence contain a quote from the opposition? Do they use conjunctive adverbs? Please elaborate on the quality of the rebuttal. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Sixth Revision Question Do the three supporting reasons of the argument directly support the thesis? Are the topic sentences clear and clearly relatable to the thesis? Please briefly explain how each reason does or does not relate back to the thesis. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Seventh Revision Question Does the evidence used in the three supporting reasons clearly strengthen the thesis and also tie back to the topic sentence of the respective paragraph? Select one example and explain how it can be improved. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Eighth Revision Question Does the conclusion clearly restate the thesis? Does the lead-out provide enough closure for the paper? Answer these two questions in depth. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Ninth Revision Question Are the in-text citations correct? If yes, write an example of one of their citations. If not, please take one and correct it. (Your response must be written in complete sentences and you must reach the word count to receive credit.)

Citation Basics: book The author notes that cultural writers and filmmakers within the non-narrative genre, i.e. within documentary, “can simultaneously employ various non-narrative modes” (Butler 71). Format = (author + page number) + period

Citation Basics: The Internet Sources The author notes that cultural writers and filmmakers within the non- narrative genre, i.e. within documentary, “can simultaneously employ various non-narrative modes” (Butler “Television and Society”). For this format, you need the author’s last name and the article title that has been shortened to 2-4 words in quotation marks. – i.e. bla bla bla (Name, “Short Title”). If there is no author listed (i.e. for a.gov), you only list the title: bla bla bla (“Short Title”).

Many thesis statements lack clarity I.E. Thesis: Sex trafficking needs to be reduced. -Thesis has a clear position -Thesis is not actionable  Why is this revision below better? The U.S. Department of State must reduce Sex trafficking by outlawing adult nightclubs.

Background Paragraph Must address controversy’s origin. Most are missing evidence. – You must have two pieces of evidence in this paragraph

MLA Paper Formatting Please review the link below _747.pdf _747.pdf – Indentations – MLA heading – Centered title – Pagination – Citations – Works Cited

Integrating Evidence Types of thing you will integrate: Quotations must be identical to the original, using a narrow segment of the source. They must match the source document word for word and must be attributed to the original author. Paraphrasing involves putting a passage from source material into your own words. A paraphrase must also be attributed to the original source. Paraphrased material is usually shorter than the original passage, taking a somewhat broader segment of the source and condensing it slightly. Summarizing involves putting the main idea(s) into your own words, including only the main point(s). Once again, it is necessary to attribute summarized ideas to the original source. Summaries are significantly shorter than the original and take a broad overview of the source material.

Integrating Evidence A paraphrase is... Your own rendition of essential information and ideas expressed by someone else, presented in a new form. One legitimate way (when accompanied by accurate documentation) to borrow from a source. A more detailed restatement than a summary, which focuses concisely on a single main idea. Paraphrasing is a valuable skill because... It is better than quoting information from an undistinguished passage. It helps you control the temptation to quote too much. The mental process required for successful paraphrasing helps you to grasp the full meaning of the original.

How to Paraphrase: Steps to Effective Paraphrasing 1.Reread the original passage until you understand its full meaning. 2.Set the original aside, and write your paraphrase on a note card. 1.When writing, 1.Look for synonyms and remember to change the order of the information. 3.Check your rendition with the original to make sure that your version accurately expresses all the essential information in a new form. 4.Use quotation marks to identify any unique term or phraseology you have borrowed exactly from the source. 5.You must cite your paraphrasing in your paper. Otherwise that is plagiarism.

Please paraphrase the following The original passage: Students frequently overuse direct quotation in taking notes, and as a result they overuse quotations in the final [research] paper. Probably only about 10% of your final manuscript should appear as directly quoted matter. Therefore, you should strive to limit the amount of exact transcribing of source materials while taking notes. Lester, James D. Writing Research Papers. 2nd ed. (1976):

An acceptable summary: Students should take just a few notes in direct quotation from sources to help minimize the amount of quoted material in a research paper (Lester 46-47).

Is this plagiarism? Students often use too many direct quotations when they take notes, resulting in too many of them in the final research paper. In fact, probably only about 10% of the final copy should consist of directly quoted material. So it is important to limit the amount of source material copied while taking notes.

A legitimate paraphrase: In research papers students often quote excessively, failing to keep quoted material down to a desirable level. Since the problem usually originates during note taking, it is essential to minimize the material recorded verbatim (Lester 46-47).