Lesson 17
Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others. “Happy are the merciful.” ~Matthew 5:6 “Happy are the peacemakers.” ~Matthew 5:9 Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” ~Luke 6:31 Step 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” ~Matthew 5:23 –24
There are a lot of jokes about forgiveness, but forgiveness is not something that those of us in recovery can take lightly, because forgiveness is clearly God’s prescription for the broken. No matter how great the offense or abuses, along the path to HEALING lies forgiveness. I have learned that sometimes "sorry" is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.
One of the roots of compulsive behavior is pain! — buried pain! In Principle 1 we learned that pretending the hurt isn’t there or that it doesn’t bother us anymore won’t solve our problems. Jeremiah 6:14 reminds us that “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!” Facing our past and forgiving ourselves and those who have hurt us, and making amends for the pain that we have caused others, is the only lasting solution. Forgiveness breaks the cycle! It doesn’t settle all the questions of blame, justice, or fairness, but it does allow relationships to heal and possibly start over.
In order to be completely free from our resentments, anger, fears, shame, and guilt, we need to GIVE & ACCEPT FORGIVENESS in all areas of our life. If we do not, our spiritual growth will be stalled and thus incomplete. There are three kinds of forgiveness 1) FROM GOD TO US : Have we accepted God’s forgiveness? Have we accepted Jesus’ work on the cross? By His death on the cross, all our sins were canceled, paid in full; a free gift for those who believe in Him as the true and only Higher Power, Savior, and Lord.
2) FROM US TO OTHERS : Have we forgiven others who have hurt us? This type of forgiveness is a process. We need to be willing to be willing, but to be truly free, we must let go of the pain of the past harm and abuse caused by others.
But, It’s A Choice, Isn’t it?
By the way, on our list of “others to forgive,” we might have forgotten about someone we may need to forgive: God - Yes, God. His promise is found in 1 Peter 5:10: “In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”
3) HAVE WE FORGIVEN OURSELVES?: We can forgive others, we can accept God’s forgiveness, but we may feel the guilt and shame of our past is just too much to forgive.
Forgiveness is a multifaceted subject, isn’t it? I believe there may be some unforgivenss in all of us? * Some may go back to our days in a baby carriage, I know mine did and some may have happened only minutes ago. * Some may be HUGE: my parents divorced and I had to live with my abusive parent, my child was killed by a drunken driver, my partner framed me and I my lost business, my home and my security. * Some may have happened only one time and some may continue to happen over and over day after day and week after week.
So, I asked myself, “Self, where is unforgiveness stored in our bodies? It brought to mind Jeremiah 17:9, which says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked : who can know it?” ~ I couldn’t help but wonder if some of that wickedness the Scripture is referring to might be pain and unforgiveness I’ve been storing in my heart, and, if so, how is it affecting me and those I come into contact with every day? Is that why King David prayed, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts” in Psalm 139:23 And… “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” in Psalm 51:10?
"The nine most important words in a Christian's life: I am sorry; I was wrong; Please forgive me." Pastor Rick Kielley
Judge not, that ye be not judged. ~Matthew 7:1 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” ~Ephesians 4:32
“Father, You know how difficult it was for me to put this lesson together. I pray that each person hearing it will take what is helpful and leave the rest. I pray, Lord, that You lead all of us in the path of righteousness for You name's sake. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”