POWER to FORGIVE by Galina Stele, D.Min. General Conference 2016 Women’s Ministries Emphasis Day

Forgiveness The need for forgiveness is woven into the fabric of our lives: ◦ People of Israel would not exist if Esau had not forgiven Jacob. ◦ Solomon would not be a king of Israel if God had not forgiven David. ◦ Neither you nor I would be here if God had not forgiven Adam and Eve. ◦ None of us would have a future if God stopped forgiving us.

Forgiveness We may find it easy to accept God’s forgiveness, but most of us find it difficult to forgive others or to be forgiven by another. Sometimes it is hard to forgive. Sometimes it is a struggle to want to forgive.

Practicing forgiveness improves our health ◦ Lowers blood pressure ◦ Lowers stress ◦ Lowers level of hostility and aggressiveness ◦ Lowers risk of alcohol and other addictions ◦ Lowers pain ◦ Keeps one’s heart healthy ◦ Helps one to recover from various illnesses ◦ Brings emotional balance and harmony

People who practice forgiveness are happier and healthier. 94% respondents in a research study believe, “It is important to forgive.” 85% respondents in a research study confessed, “I need outside help to be able to forgive.”

IF WE REALLY WANT TO LOVE, WE MUST LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE. Mother Theresa

It is difficult to forgive because: 1.We believe some myths about forgiveness. 2.We believe in the idea of a “just world” and want to bring justice. 3.We do not understand why God allowed the offense to happen, and therefore, we cannot accept it. 4.We do not know the various stages of forgiveness. 5.We do not understand the “injustice gap.” 6.We do not know what forgiveness is. 7.We do not know how to forgive.

It is difficult to forgive because: 1. WE BELIEVE MYTHS ABOUT FORGIVENESS. MYTHS – Forgiveness means: ◦ To nullify the evil or damage that has been done. ◦ To forget and never remember it again. ◦ To say the offense was not important. ◦ To allow someone to do the same thing again.

The truth about forgiveness Forgiveness is: ◦ Not permission to repeat the same offense. ◦ Not amnesty. ◦ Not amnesia. ◦ Not denial of the damage or harm done. ◦ Not an acknowledgement that we are guilty. FORGIVENESS IS GRACE IN ACTION.

It is difficult to forgive because: 2. WE BELIEVE IN THE IDEA OF A “JUST WORLD.” THIS IS NOT A JUST WORLD ◦ It is not our responsibility to pay back and bring justice. ◦ We punish the offender by refusing to forgive. ◦ Only God is the true judge.

It is difficult to forgive because: 3. WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY GOD ALLOWS THE OFFENSE TO HAPPEN. EVEN IF WE DON’T UNDERSTAND: ◦ We need to learn to trust God. ◦ We need to develop His character. ◦ We need to help others.

4. WE DO NOT KNOW THE STAGES OF FORGIVENESS. STAGES of FORGIVENESS: ◦ Hurt ◦ Pain ◦ Healing ◦ Forgiveness ◦ And perhaps Reconciliation It is difficult to forgive because:

5. WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE “INJUSTICE GAP.” GAPS ◦ THE OFFENDER REDUCES THE GAP BY: ◦ OFFERING AN APOLOGY. ◦ PROVIDING RESTITUTION. ◦ THE OFFENDER INCREASES THE GAP BY: ◦ DENYING THE FAULT. ◦ BEHAVING BADLY.

6. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT FORGIVENESS IS. It is hard to forgive because very often we don’t know what true forgiveness is and how to forgive. As mentioned earlier, forgiveness is grace in action. Grace has a divine origin. As Alexander Pope said, “To err is human; to forgive, Divine.” Our ability to forgive depends on how we understand God’s forgiveness, how we treat ourselves, and whether we have experienced God’s grace in our lives. It is difficult to forgive because:

WE REALLY LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR AS OURSELVES: WE DO UNTO OTHERS AS WE DO TO OURSELVES. WE HATE OTHERS WHEN WE HATE OURSELVES. WE ARE TOLERANT TOWARD OTHERS WHEN WE TOLERATE OURSELVES. WE FORGIVE OTHERS WHEN WE FORGIVE OURSELVES. Eric Hoffer

Parable of the unforgiving servant DENARII: ◦ One day’s wage was one denarii; one year’s wage was 300 denarii. ◦ Debt of 100 denarii equals one-third of a year’s wages. TALENTS: ◦ Twenty years wages equals one talent (6,000 denarii). ◦ Debt of 10,000 talents equals 200,000 years wages.

◦ If we are at war with others, we cannot be at peace with ourselves. ◦ Hurt people hurt people. ◦ Forgiveness changes us from prisoners of the past to the people of peace. ◦ Forgiveness helps us to reconcile with our past.

ANY FOOL CAN CRITICIZE, CONDEMN, AND COMPLAIN, BUT IT TAKES CHARACTER AND SELF-CONTROL TO BE UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVING. Dale Carnegie

TO FORGIVE MEANS TO UNDERSTAND. French Proverb

ONLY GREAT PEOPLE CAN FORGIVE. O. Ozheshko

It is difficult to forgive because: 7. WE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FORGIVE. HOW TO FORGIVE ◦ Forgiveness is the choice and decision to forgive. ◦ Forgiveness can be given even without receiving an apology or being reconciled.

Steps in the process of forgiveness STEP 1 ◦ Write a list of the people and events that have hurt you. ◦ Ask yourself some questions: ◦ Why is it so difficult to forgive this person? ◦ How does the unsolved problem affect my life, my health, and my relationship with God and other people? ◦ What in particular do I need to forgive and forget?

STEP 2 ◦ Make your decision to forgive. ◦ Put the offender and the consequences in the hands of the Lord. ◦ Pray for your offender. Steps in the process of forgiveness

STEP 3 ◦ Tell yourself: “I don’t live in the past, I live in the present, and I am going into the future a free person!” ◦ Forgiveness releases others from our criticism. ◦ Forgiveness releases us from the prison of negative thoughts. Steps in the process of forgiveness

WHEN GOD SEES GAPS, HE BUILDS BRIDGES. Robert Schuller

AND WHEN YOU STAND PRAYING, IF YOU HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST ANYONE, FORGIVE HIM, SO THAT YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN MAY FORGIVE YOU YOUR SINS. Mark 11:25

THE BIBLE TEACHES US TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS AND TO FORGIVE OUR ENEMIES. MAYBE BECAUSE VERY OFTEN THEY ARE THE SAME PEOPLE. Galina Stele

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FORGIVEN SOMEONE WHEN HE OR SHE HAS HARMLESS PASSAGE THROUGH YOUR MIND. Karyl Huntley

Forgiveness is a sign of maturity ◦ We can choose to be agents of positive change. ◦ The power to change and the power to forgive are available from above.

Give people happy minutes ◦ Happy minutes make happy hours ◦ Happy hours make happy days ◦ Happy days make happy months ◦ Happy months make happy years ◦ Happy years make a happy life

ONE OF THE MOST LASTING PLEASURES YOU CAN EXPERIENCE IS THE FEELING THAT COMES OVER YOU WHEN YOU GENUINELY FORGIVE AN ENEMY —WHETHER HE KNOWS ABOUT IT OR NOT. A. Battista