Revision Part 1

If a sentence is a complete thought, then a paragraph is collection of sentences all about the same idea.

 Have topic sentences, supporting details, elaborating sentences, and closing sentence.  Paragraphs must be indented.  They are sort of like a hamburger. Topic Sentence Closing Sentence Supporting Detail Elaborating Detail

First we need to do some prewriting. My dog, Lucky likes to run away. A funny time was when the horses helped me catch him. It was winter and he dashed out the door. He ran to the horse fields. He wouldn’t come when I called. There was barbed wire so I couldn’t get him. The horses helped. I finally got him.

Since this is a personal narrative, a story about ourselves, it needs a beginning middle and end.  Beginning- How my story began… (First paragraph)  Middle- What happened first, second, third… (Second, third and fourth paragraphs)  End- What did you feel or how did it end… (last paragraph)

 My dog, Lucky likes to run away.  A funny time was when the horses helped me catch him.  It was winter and he dashed out the door.  He ran to the horse fields.  He wouldn’t come when I called.  There was barbed wire so I couldn’t get him.  The horses helped.  I finally got him.  Beginning open paragraph  Second paragraph  Third paragraph  Forth paragraph  Last paragraph

This is how my personal narrative, the story about the time the horses helped me to catch my dog, begins. I gave some background information about my story. Topic Sentence Closing Sentence Supporting Detail Elaborating Detail My dog Lucky loves to run away. He does it at least once a week. One time, he ran a way I had some help catching him.

This is what happened next. Try to fill in with as much details as you can with sights, sounds, feelings. Give as much details as you can. Topic Sentence Closing Sentence Supporting Detail Elaborating Detail It was a cold day, when Lucky dashed out the door. I didn’t want to venture out on this breezy fall day, but I had too. I could hear him barking all the way down the street. Oh no, he went to the horse field I thought. That was his favorite place to run to and my worst nightmare.

This is how I felt about that day. Topic Sentence Closing Sentence Supporting Detail Elaborating Detail I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t have been for the horses. They helped me a lot. I’ll remember those horses forever.

 I want you to revise your personal narrative, breaking it into different paragraphs and adding more details about your day.  Then resubmit it.  Have a good week!