1. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain For Resilience and Well-Being Sivananda Ashram Yoga Retreat Center Paradise Island, Bahamas February 2016

2. Presence - Overwhelm Presence and well- being Creativity and flow Discipline and productivity Busy-ness and pressure Stress and overwhelm Self-combustion

3. All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming. - Helen Keller

5. Rewiring for Resilience and Well-Being Rewire brain out of stress-trauma-negativity- inner critic Recover resilience and resources – stability and flexibility Choose new experiences; harness neuroplasticity Move to thriving and flourishing

6. Keep Calm and Carry On Serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amidst the storm. - author unknown

7. Resilience Hardiness Grit, will to survive Determination, perseverance, endurance, follow-through Coping Face and deal with challenges and crises Navigate life’s twists and turns, unexpected and disruptive Bounce back from adversity, from truly awful Flexibility Responsiveness; able to shift gears: perspectives, views, behaviors You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

8. Response Flexibility It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptive to change. - Charles Darwin

9. Response Flexibility Between a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. - Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, survivor of Auschwitz

10. Response Flexibility How you respond to the issue…is the issue. - Frankie Perez, Momentous Institute

11. 6 C’s of Coping Calm Compassion Clarity Connections to Resources Competence Courage

18. Human Brain: Evolutionary Masterpiece 100 billion neurons Each neuron contains the entire human genome Neurons “fire” hundreds of time per second Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons Trillions of synaptic connections As many connections in single cubic centimeter of brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy

20. Modern Neuroscience How neural structures/circuits develop How brain processes information; communicates within itself How brain learns/installs patterns of coping How brain rewires its memory patterns

21. Modern Brain Science The field of neuroscience is so new, we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknown but into error. - Richard Mendius, M.D.

22. Neuroplasticity Greatest discovery of modern neuroscience Growing new neurons Strengthening synaptic connections Myelinating pathways – faster processing Creating and altering brain structure and circuitry Organizing and re-organizing functions of brain structures The brain changes itself - lifelong

23. The brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome. - Richard J. Davidson, PhD Center for Investigating Healthy Minds Univ. of Wisconsin-Madison

24. Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning The brain automatically encodes responses to experience in neural circuitry New Conditioning New experiences create new neural circuitry; new patterns of response Re-Conditioning The juxtaposition of new, positive experiences with old, negative experiences “rewires” the old De-Conditioning The default network “plays” and generates new insights

25. Conditioning Experience causes neurons to fire Repeated experiences, repeated neural firings Neurons that fire together wire together Strengthen synaptic connections Connections stabilize into neural pathways Without intervention, is what the brain does Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negative

27. New Conditioning Choose new experiences Gratitude practice, listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion, self-acceptance Create new experiences, new learning, new memory Shift from negative to positive emotions Create new sense of self Encode new wiring; install new patterns of response, new habits, new ways of being

28. Shift from Self-Critical Voice to Self-Compassionate Voice Notice any critical self-talk; notice the words; notice the tone of voice Use critical voice as cue to practice compassionate self-talk: “May I be kind to myself in this moment; may I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am.”

29. Re-conditioning Memory de-consolidation – re-consolidation “Light up” neural networks Juxtapose old negative with new positive Neurons fall apart, rewire; new rewires old Basis of all trauma therapy

30. Re-Conditioning Resource with memory of someone’s compassion toward you Evoke compassion for your self Evoke memory of someone being critical of you (or inner critic) Hold awareness of criticizing moment and compassionate moment in dual awareness Drop the criticizing moment; rest in the compassionate moment.

31. Modes of Processing Focused Attention Tasks and details; personal self Deliberate, guided change New conditioning and re-conditioning De-focused Attention Default network; social self Mental play space – random change De-conditioning

32. De-Conditioning Default network De-focusing, loosens grip of attention Creates mental play space, free association Can drop into worry, rumination Can drop into plane of open possibilities Brain makes new links, associations New insights, aha!s new behaviors

33. De-Conditioning Default network De-focusing, loosens grip of attention Creates mental play space, free association Can drop into worry, rumination Can drop into plane of open possibilities Brain makes new links, associations New insights, aha!s new behaviors

34. Compassionate Friend Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving awareness Imagine safe place Imagine warm, compassionate figure – Compassionate Friend Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need to hear from compassionate friend Receive object of remembrance from friend Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom

35. Practices to Accelerate Brain Change Presence – primes receptivity of brain Intention/choice – activates plasticity Practice – creates new pathways, new more resilient habits of coping Perseverance – “little and often” installs change

36. Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn

37. Calm Manage disruptive emotions Tolerate distress Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

40. Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherished Oxytocin – direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol

41. Oxytocin Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging, calm and connect Brain’s direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol Can pre-empt stress response altogether A single exposure to oxytocin can create a lifelong change in the brain. - Sue Carter, PhD

42. Touch Hand on heart, hand on cheek Hand on forehead and back of neck Massage back of neck Head rubs, foot rubs Hold thumb as “inner child” Hugs – 20 second full bodied

44. Calm through the Body Hand on the Heart Safe, soothing touch Body Scan Progressive Muscle Relaxation Soles of the Feet Rewiring through Movement Power Posing Mindful Self-Compassion

45. Calm – Friendly Body Scan Awareness as scan slowly through the body Breathing gently into tension Hello! and gratitude Release tension, reduce trauma

46. Progressive Muscle Relaxation Body cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15 Focused attention calms the mind

48. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain For Resilience and Well-Being Sivananda Ashram Yoga Retreat Center Paradise Island, Bahamas February 2016

49. Mindfulness and Compassion Awareness of what’s happening (and our reactions to what’s happening) Acceptance of what’s happening (and our reactions to what’s happening) Two most powerful agents of brain change known to science; both foster response flexibility Rewiring that is safe, efficient, effective

50. Mindfulness and Compassion Activate Caregiving System Mindfulness Focuses awareness on experience May I accept this moment, exactly as it is Self-Compassion Focuses kindness on experiencer May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment Common Humanity I am not alone; I am not the only one Activates caregiving system Shift from reactivity and contraction to openness, engagement

51. Mindful Self-Compassion Shifts Brain Functioning In the present moment – restores equanimity Over time – creates new patterns of behavior Becomes way of being – natural, effortless

52. Benefits of Self-Compassion Increased motivation; efforts to learn and grow Less fear of failure; greater likelihood to try again Taking responsibility for mistakes; apologies and forgiveness Less depression, anxiety, stress, avoidance More resilience in coping with life stressors Healthier relationships; more support and, less control and/or aggression Increased social connectedness, life satisfaction, and happiness

53. Affectionate Breathing Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently. Incline your awareness toward your breathing with tenderness and curiosity Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural nourishing and soothing of the body Feel the whole body breathe Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath Savor the stillness and peace in the body

54. Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor Rock back and forth, rock side to side Make little circles with your knees Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations Offer gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day long

55. Self-Compassion Break Notice moment of suffering Ouch! This hurts! This is painful. Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug) Kindness toward experiencer May I be kind to myself in this moment May I accept this moment exactly as it is May I accept myself in this moment exactly as I am May I give myself all the compassion I need to respond to this moment wisely

56. One for Me; One for You Breathing in, “nourishing, nourishing” Breathing out, “soothing, soothing” In imagination, “nourishing for me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for you” “One for me, one for you” Practice breathing “one for me, one for you” when in conversation with someone

57. Caregiving with Equanimity Everyone is on his or her own life journey. I am not the cause of this person’s suffering, nor is it entirely within my power to make it go away, even if I wish I could. Moments like this are difficult to bear, Yet I may still try to help if I can.

58. Neuroscience is Revolutionizing Our Thinking about Feelings Negative Emotions – Up Side of Your Dark Side Signal – pay attention, this is important! Motivator of action Positive Emotions – Positivity Antidotes negativity bias; Creates left shift; opens up possibilities

59. Emotions Signals to take action Adaptive action tendencies Anger – protest injustice, betrayal Sadness – pull in comfort Fear – move away from danger, toxicity Guilt – healthy remorse, make amends Joy – expand, connect with others

60. Positive Emotions-Behaviors Brain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid experience Positive emotions activate “left shift,” brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and action

62. Positive Emotions GratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy Trust

63. Positive Emotions Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness More friendships, social support, collaboration Shift in perspectives, more optimism More creativity, productivity Better health, better sleep Live on average 7-9 years longer Resilience is direct outcome

64. Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. - Martin Seligman

65. Gratitude 2-minute free write: people, processes, possesions, web of life Gratitude journal – 3 highlights every day Gratitude buddy Carry love and appreciation in your wallet

66. Take in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Enrich: the felt sense in the body Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in body Repeat: 6 times a day, install in long-term memory

67. Circle of Support Call to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have “had your back” Currently, in the past, in imagination Imagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in coping Imagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situations

68. Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and appreciate

70. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain For Resilience and Well-Being Sivananda Ashram Yoga Retreat Center Paradise Island, Bahamas February 2016

72. Connections to Resources Practices Yoga, tai chi, meditation, prayer Places Sacred places; safe places People Social Resonant

73. This is what our brains are wired for: reaching out to and interacting with others. These are design features, not flaws. These social adaptations are central to making us the most successful species on earth. - Matthew Lieberman, PhD Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired To Connect

74. Connections Increasing the social connections in our lives is probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. - Matthew Lieberman, UCLA The moment we cease to hold one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out. - James Baldwin

75. People as Resources At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. - Albert Schweitzer

76. True Other to the True Self The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD To see and be seen: that is the question, and that is the answer. - Ken Benau, PhD

78. Ah, the comfort, The inexpressible comfort Of feeling safe with a person. Having neither to weigh out thoughts Nor words, But pouring them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain together; Certain that a faithful hand Will take them and sift them; Keeping what is worth keeping and, With the breath of kindness, Blow the rest away. - Dinah Craik

79. Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us Imagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionally Imagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the good Imagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.

80. Wiser Self Imagine yourself five years from now: wise, compassionate, good, strong, alive and vibrant Ask this Wiser Self: how did you become like this? What did you have to overcome or let go of to become like this? What one word of advice do you have for me? Inhabit this Wiser Self briefly; what does it feel like to become your Wiser Self?

81. The Guest House - Rumi This being human is a guest-house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, Some momentary awareness come As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.

82. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. - Rumi

83. Welcome Them All Wiser Self welcomes to the “party” characters that embody positive and negative parts of the self with curiosity and acceptance of the message or gift of each part and honors each part of the “inner committee”

84. The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers

85. Shame De-Rails Resilience Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others. - Brene Brown, PhD

86. Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place. - Zora Neale Hurston Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart

87. Just that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain. - Elisha Goldstein

88. Reconditioning Anchor in present moment awareness Resource with acceptance and goodness Start with small negative memory “Light up the networks” Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle) Refresh and strengthen positive Let go of negative Rest in, savor positive Reflect on shifts in perspective

89. Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective of experience, of self

90. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain For Resilience and Well-Being Sivananda Ashram Yoga Retreat Center Paradise Island, Bahamas February 2016

92. Mindfulness Focused attention on present moment experience without judgment or resistance. - Jon Kabat-Zinn

93. Mindfulness Pause, become present Notice and name Step back, dis-entangle, reflect Monitor and modify Shift perspectives; shift states Discern options Choose wisely – let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesome

94. Notice and Name Increasingly complex objects of awareness: Sensations as sensations Emotions as emotions Cascades of emotions as cascades Thoughts as thoughts Patterns of thoughts as patterns States of mind as states of mind Identities, belief systems and identities as Mental contents, patterns of neural firing Awareness itself- a vast sky that clouds and storms pass through

95. Imagine walking down the street Notice someone you know walking toward you Wave “hello!” There’s no response. Notice your response to the lack of response The person notices you and waves “hello!” Notice your response to the response Notice any differences in your responses

96. Post-Traumatic Growth 75% Americans will experience potentially traumatizing event at least once in lifetime 8% will develop PTSD More than 50% will fully recover, finding meaning, deepening sense of self, stronger ties to community and common humanity

97. Shift Happens Shit happens Shift happens, too Shift can happen in this moment Shift can happen in any moment That’s the shift

98. Post-Traumatic Growth Acceptance of reality; Support from family; belief in recovery Community of “the tribe”; helping others Positive moments within difficult moments; re- framing; positive meaning of negative event Create the new narrative Appreciate new life because of catastrophe

99. Find the Gift in the Mistake Regrettable Moment – Teachable Moment What’s Right with this Wrong? What’s the Lesson? What’s the Cue to Act Differently? Find the Gift in the Mistake

100. Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did. This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I would do differently going forward.

101. I am no longer afraid of storms, For I am learning how to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott

103. Mindfulness Dissolves the Stuff of “Self” Quantum physics investigates matter Matter is more space than stuff Mindfulness investigates “I” Self is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfolding True Self is flow of beingness

104. Breathing into Infinity Anchor awareness in your breathing, and in the awareness that lets you know you’re breathing Expand awareness to include people near you, other people you know; people you don’t know in this town, region, country, all over the planet – all breathing, and the awareness that lets you know Expand awareness to include animals, plants, birds, fish. The earth itself: land, air, ocean – all breathing, and the awareness that holds it all Return to awareness of your breathing, in this moment and place, and of your awareness

105. Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self- knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in the eyes of the Divine. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, nor more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed. …I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other. - Thomas Merton

106. Brahma Viharas Loving Kindness Compassion Sympathetic Joy Equanimity Send and receive wishes to and from your partner

107. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain For Resilience and Well-Being Sivananda Ashram Yoga Retreat Center Paradise Island, Bahamas February 2016