1. Wiki Writing: Above and Below the Double Line Letting Go of the Words Chapter 10: Tuning Up Your Sentences Presenters: Spencer Shields Gere Hirsch Max Sundermeyer Shannon Jones

2. Above and Below the Double Line: Refactoring and That Old-Time Revision Michael C. Morgan

3. Writing on a wiki is collaborative Changes what we write and how we write Makes us return to a topic periodically to see what is developing Authors enter a page to work with the emerging text in a variety of ways Others visit the topic, read, and leave

4. Dialogue, a discussion, a dialectic Open, collective, dynamic, and informal Can develop as a page or develop on a page Develops organically, without predictive structure Writing is spontaneous, improvisational Public thinking: designed, considered, polite

5. Expository, discursive, more monologic—no less open—than thread mode Written in third person, active voice, as a synthesis of collective thinking on the wiki Pages and sections of pages become the collective understanding of the wiki Ideas, not the authors, are the focus and the center

6. Less opportunistic than thread mode Good technique for developing a page, for moving it toward document mode Kind of revision, attempts to preserve meaning Finding and making explicit an organizational pattern in the ideas of the ThreadMode exchange

7. Has the main purpose of making possible meanings explicit and present enough to become whole—a whole that can in turn be responded to, developed further, on another page, from another perspective. Refactoring is synthesis

8. Over time, the more comments build up, your page will begin to look unorganized. (Mess of graffiti) The page becomes difficult to understand, requiring more mental energy to connect with the ideas A lot of authors don’t read the all of the content before they comment. Your initial point or purpose will get lost in the chaos.

9. Eventually, ThreadMode must be refactored or synthesized into DocumentMode While you are refactoring, stick to the ideas! Refactoring is difficult You have to synthesize the discussion in a way that all participants accept. If a lot of people take part in the discussion, you are more likely to encounter a lot of opinions.

10. May take multiple attempts Double lines By embedding the discussion in the evolving document, authors have more context to draw on in developing meaning. By using double lines instead of separate pages, the wiki remains quick and simple. Page patterns Develop page patterns to organize the content Bold Headings They could also signal where and what new material might be added.

11. Chapter 10 Tuning Up Your Sentences

12. Writing as Conversation Use I, me, you, we Active vs. Passive voice Gender neutral language Short sentences Short paragraphs Content=concise, short, and plain language

13. Use I, we, me, you; These promote conversation Write in the imperative Write gender neutral; don’t use he, she, him, her, his or hers. You might exclude a gender with these.

14. Writing conversationally is not “dumbing down”. Sheldon (Big Bang Theory): Yes, well, I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.

15. Or – I'm rubber and you're glue, so whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks on you! Dr. Steve Pinker, a psychology professor who specializes in language at MIT. He discusses why highly technical writing is not as good as plain language. http://video.mit.edu/watch/communicating-science-and- technology-in-the-21st-century-steven-pinker-12644/ http://video.mit.edu/watch/communicating-science-and- technology-in-the-21st-century-steven-pinker-12644/

16. Write in the visitors' language – not internal, company or industry lingo. Writing for the site visitors should make things easy to find and use. Personas are perfect for keeping the writing friendly for the audience. Pretend your visitors are reading over your shoulder Does it make sense? Is it inclusive, or are certain people/groups being alienated?

17. Use active voice; helps find information quickly and easily Active voice is more conversational Passive voice can be used only when appropriate Passive voice is boring and difficult to read

18. Redish says talk to your visitors. I disagree. Better: Talk with your visitors. Television and radio talk to visitors. Creating a conversation means talking with visitors. Involve them in the conversation. Give them a reason to stay.

19. Write short sentences; 10-20 words maximum Sentences with less than 10 words or fragments are fine too Cut all unnecessary words Keep paragraphs short; one sentence for a paragraph in writing for the web is fine

20. When you write in active voice, you clearly identify “who does what to whom/what.” KISS – Keep It Short and Sweet! Visitors read in an F pattern Give them what they want, in short, easy to find sentences or paragraphs.