1. What is Intimacy?

2. Intimacy:the next 4 meetings
Ingredients
Impediments
Tools
Making Marriage Fun

3. Genesis 2:24
“This explains why a man leaves his father & mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
Is “Oneness” sexual only? Does it happen magically when we say vows? When do we become one?

4. Ephesians 5: 31-33
As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
"two into one"= great mystery... try to define Oneness (likely means intimacy found nowhere else but in marriage)
2 ingredients to intimacy given here already… love & respect

5. The Issue of “Cleaving”… “Joining” The Issue of “Oneness”
I. What is Intimacy?
The Issue of “Cleaving”… “Joining”
The Issue of “Oneness”

6. *Why is God’s command to leave & cleave so important?
*What are some common ways wives struggle with this issue? Husbands?
Is “Oneness” sexual only? Does it happen magically when we say vows? When do we become one?

7. The Issue of “Oneness”
Oneness suggests something special found nowhere else in relationships except in marriage- possible through love and respect which creates safety… which provides a foundation for intimacy

8. How Do We Become One?
Oneness occurs as a process of growth over time… a process we can help develop… and hinder… true oneness does not occur suddenly because of one act
Is “Oneness” sexual only? Does it happen magically when we say vows? When do we become one?

9. “We give up certain individual rights and freedoms for the sake of intimacy”

10. Pathway to Intimacy (True Oneness)
Physical
God
Spiritual
Emotional

11. Marriage is Like Snow Skiing...
Is “Oneness” sexual only? Does it happen magically when we say vows? When do we become one?

12. Emotional Intimacy Feeling Connected Sharing-Vulnerability
Sharing-Talking
Sharing Experiences
Bonding as a Result

13. Spiritual Intimacy Shared Experiences Shared Faith Prayer
The Central Place of God

14. Marriage Myth
The amount of time you spend with your spouse is less important than the quality. In a recent survey, more than 90% of the couples who considered their marriages strong and close also said they spend a great deal of time together. Conversely, divorced couples usually had spent little time
together before the split.
Dr. Nick Stinnett, Homemade, June, 1986

15. Working couples spend only about 12 minutes a day talking with each other. About 36 minutes a day is spent together in cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying bills, and demonstrating affection.
American Demographics, reported in December, 1988, Homemade

16. Physical Intimacy
Time
Boundaries
Proximity
Sex

17. Where do you need help the most??

18. II. Necessary Prerequisites of Intimacy… What Are They?

19. Necessary Prerequisites to Intimacy
“Two-ness”- Complementing not Completing
Being Adult
Taking Responsibility & Ownership of Yourself
You must be a complete individual before becoming one… looking to another to complete me (me) often means I lack something in my character I need to develop (Jerry McGuire)
Being an adult is necessary before obtaining “oneness”

20. A Complete Person... Connects Emotionally
Is Vulnerable & Shares Feelings
Accepts Imperfections with Grace
Thinks for Oneself- Expresses Opinions
Takes Risks
Not Controlled by External/Internal Factors

21. A Complete Person...
Learns & Grows
Is Spiritual, Sexual, and Intellectual
Has Appropriate Sense of Power & Assertiveness
Can Say No

22. An Adult...
Takes Responsibility (for feelings, actions, choices, thoughts, values, love)
Requires Ownership- for self & other
Values Treasures- of self & other
Understands that “You are not me”
Sees the Other as a Person- Not Object
Allows the Other’s Experience
Allows the Other to be Different
Respects Freedom- of space
Remember that “if you are controlling your spouse’s freedom & separateness, you are no longer an object of love. You have become 2 things that your spouse will rebel against because it is part of God’s plan. You have become a master of a slave and you have become a parent- a spouse was never intended to be either

23. III. What are the necessary ingredients for oneness?

24. Sixty percent of American children born today will see their parents
It is easier in these United States to walk away from a marriage than from
a commitment to purchase a used car. Most contracts cannot be unilaterally abrogated; marriages in contemporary America can be terminated by practically anyone at any time, and without cause.
Time, Sept. 1993, quote from a professor a George Washington University School of Law
Divorce Statistics
Sixty percent of American children born today will see their parents
divorced by the time they are 18. Of those children who have suffered this
pain of divorce, half of them will see a second divorce before they are
18.
Syndicated columnist Michael McManus, Baptist Press release, March, 1995

25. Key Ingredients to Intimacy
Commitment
Being transparent/open (James 5:16- “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed”

26. Key Ingredients to Intimacy
Truly “knowing” each other (thoughts, desires, dreams, shared experiences)
Emotional Closeness, Spiritual Closeness, Physical Closeness… in Balance (all takes place as a process over time)

27. 1. Affection 2. Communication 3. Openness/Honesty 4. Financial Support
Needs Are Different
Dr. Willard Harley, a Massachusetts psychologist, surveyed the basic needs
of men and women in marriage and found that the needs are completely different.
The top five basic needs of the female in marriage are:
1. Affection
2. Communication
3. Openness/Honesty
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment
"two into one"= great mystery... try to define Oneness (likely means intimacy found nowhere else but in marriage)
2 ingredients to intimacy given here already… love & respect

28. The male’s top five basic needs are:
1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. An Attractive Wife
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration

29. IV. Creating Greater Intimacy
Intimacy grows when...

30. We risk greater openness
We learn to be emotionally present
We develop a high degree of caring
We have a climate of trust built on fidelity and continuity
We Feel Safe!

31. Where do you need help the most?? Pick One… Work on it this Week