1. TICKET TRAIN Inspector: Tickets! Bernard: Ah, no, thank you. Inspector: Pardon? Bernard: I don't want a ticket, thank you. Inspector: I'm not selling tickets, sir. Bernard: No? Inspector: No. I want to see your ticket. Bernard: Oh! I haven't got a ticket.

2. Inspector: You haven't got a ticket? Bernard: No. I never buy ticket. Inspector: Why not? Bernard: Because I haven't got much money. Inspector: Sir, you're travelling on a train. When people travel by train, they always buy a ticket. Bernard: Ah! Inspector: And you're sitting in a first-class compartment. When people sit in a first-class compartment, they always buy a first-class ticket. Bernard: No, they don't. Inspector: What?

3. Bernard: A lot of people don't buy tickets. The King doesn't buy a ticket, does he? Eh? Eh? Inspector: No, sir, but... Bernard: And where's yours? Inspector: Mine? Bernard: Yes, your ticket. Have you got a ticket? Inspector: Me, sir? Bernard: Yes, you. Inspector: No, I haven't got a ticket.

4. Bernard: Ooh! Are you a famous man? Inspector: Famous? Well... Sir, I am a ticket-inspector. Bernard: Oh! Inspector: I inspect tickets. Are you going to show me your ticket? Bernard: No, I haven't got a ticket. Inspector: OK! Bernard: What are you going to do? Inspector: I'm going to write your name in my book. Bernard: Oh!

5. Inspector: What is your name? Bernard: Mickey Mouse. Inspector: Mickey... Your name, sir! Bernard: Barack Obama, Leo Messi, Jose Mourinho, Pau Gasol, George Clooney, Andreu Buenafuente, Brad Pitt, Jesulín de Ubrique... Inspector: Yes, sir. I see. Well, if you're not going to tell me your name, please, leave the train. Bernard: Pardon? Inspector: Leave the train.

6. Bernard: I can't Inspector: You can't what? Bernard: I can't leave the train. Inspector: Why not? Bernard: It's moving. Inspector: Not now, sir. At the first station. Bernard: Oh! Inspector: It's in the Book, sir. When you travel by train, you buy a ticket and if you don't buy a ticket...

7. Bernard: Yes, yes, yes, you leave the train. OK. Inspector: Here we are, sir. We're coming to a station. Please, leave the train now. Bernard: Now? Inspector: Yes, sir. I'm sorry, but... Bernard: Oh! That's OK. Inspector: Oh! Bernard: Yes, this is my station. Good-bye! Inspector: Oh!