1. Violence to the Relationship between Mothers and Children: Steps to Recovery Violence to the Relationship between Mothers and Children: Steps to Recovery Professor Cathy Humphreys University of Melbourne & Centre for Excellence in Child and Family Welfare

2. Seminar Overview Brief description of research project Direct impact of domestic violence on children Impact on the relationship between mothers and children Undermining abuse tactics The consequences of this attack The concept of ‘Readiness’

3. Research Project An action research project Based in 10 refuges and 2 NSPCC children’s projects 2 activity books Focus groups x 8 + reference group Interviews (52 children + 45 women); 12 Asian families Reflection sheets from activities; 15 worker interviews

4. Impact on children 102 children in refuges showed rates of behavioural and emotional disturbance 2.5 times the rate of children living without violence. (WOLFE et al., 1988) Meta analysis of 118 studies showed significantly poorer outcomes on 21 psychosocial measures for children ‘witnessing’ domestic violence, than those not living with violence (Kitzmann et al, 2003).

5. A conspiracy of silence NCH Action for Children study of 108 mothers experiencing of 108 mothers experiencing domestic violence reported domestic violence reported 17 per cent had talked to their 17 per cent had talked to their children about it (Abrahams, 1994). children about it (Abrahams, 1994). Two other studies indicate fewer than one third of children had talked about the violence and abuse with their mothers (McGee, 2000; Mullender et al., 2002)

6. Impact on relationship between mothers and children Direct and indirect attack on the relationship between mothers and children Not to pathologise – many strengths Closest person is consistently Mum.

7. Undermining abuse tactics ?????????????????????????????????????? Direct – encouraging children to insult their mothers Indirect – disabling the mother physically so she is unavailable to her children

8. Undermining abuse tactics Disabling the mother physically through violence so she is unavailable to her children.Disabling the mother physically through violence so she is unavailable to her children. Disabling the mother mentally through trauma and depression so she is emotionally unavailable.Disabling the mother mentally through trauma and depression so she is emotionally unavailable. Criticising and insulting the mother in front of the children which undermines their respect for her.Criticising and insulting the mother in front of the children which undermines their respect for her. Women may also be sexually assaulted and humiliated in front of their childrenWomen may also be sexually assaulted and humiliated in front of their children

9. Consequences The ‘absent presence’ of the perpetrator Lack of communication due to the ‘veil of secrecy’ Children ‘out of control’ – poor discipline patterns in the family – too much or too little or inconsistent Lack of appropriate boundaries with some children taking on ‘parenting’ or ‘carer’ roles A mismatch between children’s needs and their mother’s needs

10. Children’s recovery linked to their mothers Resilience in children linked to mother’s mental health and recovery (Moore and Pepler, 1998) Children’s perception that their mothers care and support them (Goldblatt, 2003). Strengthening communication (Humphreys et al 2006).

11. Activity Packs for Mothers and children Younger children pack and older children pack 5 themes Talking about feelings Building self-esteem Strengthening the relationship through exploring similarities and differences Safety Talking about things that matter

12. Impact of the workbooks Perception of effect of workbooks on relationship Making a positive difference –78% (n=35) a positive difference; 41% (n=18) a major difference A good thing to do –43% very positive; 33% positive

13. Perception of Communication before using the activities

14. Working on the workbooks Quality time Difficult but strengthening Feelings about ‘dad’ Role of worker support Changed perception of talking with children A difference to workers

15. Working with the Activities Discuss what issues might be raised for mothers, children and workers?

16. Participation and engagement Readiness –Organisational context –Workers’ skills Mothers readiness –Talking about the past –Crisis/timing –Physical/mental health –Attitude towards relationship Children/young people

17. ‘Readiness’ Women need to be in a position strengthen the communication with their children Acknowledge the dv and are able to talk about it Recognise the children are affected Beyond the immediate trauma/crisis Recognise that children may need to talk/spend time with them

18. Implications for policy and practice Beyond safety and parenting skills Separation of services Training needs Exploring ‘readiness’ High support needs Child contact issues Beyond mother-blaming

19. Workbooks Available from: Humphreys, C., Mullender, A., Thiara, R.K. and Skamballis, A. ( 2006) Talking to My Mum: A Picture Workbook for Workers, Mothers and Children Affected by Domestic Abuse London, Jessica Kingsley Publications A6Humphreys, C., Mullender, A., Thiara, R.K. and Skamballis, A. (2006) Talking About Domestic Abuse: A Photo Activity Workbook to Develop Communication Between Mothers and Young People. London, Jessica Kingsley Publications Footprint Books www.footprint.com.au