1. ©2008 Creative Energy Options OUCH! OUCH! How to Resolve Conflict at Work Presented by Dr. Sylvia Lafair author of “Don’t Bring It to Work” January 13, 2010

2. ©2008 Creative Energy Options You can learn important lessons from conflict so that –Defensiveness –Threats –Disappointments are cut to a minimum, and the office carpet (or the plant floor) is no longer an obstacle course. Conflict as Opportunity

3. ©2008 Creative Energy Options During this program, you will learn…. Patterned reactions to conflict Strategies to address conflict quickly and effectively How to get results rather than getting even How to find your way OUT of conflict to innovation and creativity

4. ©2008 Creative Energy Options The first… …most important, most basic and most difficult thing to understand about conflict is… “We are all connected and no one wins unless we all do!” “We are all connected and no one wins unless we all do!”

5. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Three main ways people handle conflict Flight Fight Freeze

6. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Three main ways people handle conflict Flight Fight Freeze

7. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Three main ways people handle conflict Flight Fight Freeze

8. ©2008 Creative Energy Options What Are Patterns? Repetitive reactions that keep us stuck in the world of ‘always’ and ‘never’

9. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Insanity: “Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.” Albert Einstein

10. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Super Achiever Rebel Procrastinator Clown Persecutor Victim Rescuer Drama Queen (King) Martyr Pleaser Avoider Denier Splitter Patterns in the Workplace

11. ©2008 Creative Energy Options How do patterns begin? How do patterns begin? Family Culture Crisis

12. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Family Patterns: The first organization into which you were born Passed down through the generations Locked in your nervous system

13. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Culture Patterns: Culture Patterns: Society norms and rules that become “knots” as in “can not,” “will not,” and “not like me” Unspoken rules about inclusion and exclusion

14. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Crisis Patterns: Crisis Patterns: Split-second occurrences that cause “hardening of the emotions” The belief that the external world is not safe

15. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Where do patterns exist inside an individual?

16. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Meet Amy Hijack Amy Hijack lives in the brain. Her full name is Amygdala, and she is there to protect us from danger. Amy is a pretty basic kind of gal who loves a good fight or a fast run away! Transformation is not her game! Amy is a master at conflict and self-fulfilling prophecies. She loves it!

17. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Amy sees danger everywhere Amy sees danger everywhere

18. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Amy wants to keep you captive

19. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Conflict comes from: Old ideas and new ideas clashing Unresolved hurts, especially from childhood, being reactivated The “knots” of self fulfilling prophecies

20. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Here’s what won’t work… Ordering people around Convincing people to do what you want Punishing people if they get it wrong

21. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Meet Isabella Insight Isabella is calm and clear. She has no axe to grind. She helps people observe situations so they can resolve the fear or anger bristling in the prefrontal cortex. Isabella Insight is a neurological cheerleader.

22. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Here’s what will work… Verbalizing the vision Focusing on the positive Asking targeted questions

23. ©2008 Creative Energy Options To get to Isabella and to put a lid on Amy you need to … rather than Reactive Get at Observation Stop and Breathe Be Proactive …

24. ©2008 Creative Energy Options A PatternAware™ Leader will … Observe —behavior to discern underlying patterns Understand —and probe deeper to discover the origins of these patterns Transform— by taking actions to change behavior

25. ©2008 Creative Energy Options The best way… …to engage people in conflict transformation is to state the situation as closely as possible, and then ask how others see it. When you … I feel … And then I … What I’m willing to do … And now I’d like to hear from you

26. ©2008 Creative Energy Options When you …..come in late for work (keep to 1 or 2 items) I feel …….disrespected. And then I ….get angry and frustrated and feel incompetent and challenged as a leader What I am willing to do is …..listen to what gets in the way of your being on time and having you call me if you’re going to be late. And now I’d like to hear from you.

27. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Super Achiever Rebel Procrastinator Clown Persecutor Victim Rescuer Drama Queen (King) Martyr Pleaser Avoider Denier Splitter Pattern Transformations at Work and Home: Creative Collaborator Community Builder Realizer Humorist Visionary Explorer Mentor Storyteller Integrator Truth Teller Initiator Trust Builder Peacemaker ——»

28. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Putting It All Together Work is meant to be a place for growth and development which, in turn, will make a positive impact on the bottom line. And remember … “We are all connected and no one wins unless we all do!” “We are all connected and no one wins unless we all do!”

29. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Begin to Understand Take the Pattern Aware Quiz Visit www.sylvialafair.com/quiz.html

30. ©2008 Creative Energy Options Contact Sylvia Lafair, PhD President Creative Energy Options, Inc. 45 Country Place Lane White Haven, PA 18661 sylvia@ceoptions.com (570) 636-3858 Fax: (570) 636-5387