2. Levels of Communication in our Daily Lives “SPV”

3. Standards and Objectives Standard: ARR 2.0 - ARFL 4.00 Students will identify effective communication in interpersonal relationships. Objectives: Identify various types of communication styles. Define the levels of communication

4. Levels of Communication 1.Make a small circle with the groups I have organized. 2.Everyone must participate. 3.No talking with other groups. 4.Everyone must listen with their ears and eyes*. 5.When I call time you must stop where you are. 6.If you have not finished the previous round, finish it and then move on.

5. Round #1 Go around and share your thoughts about the weather in Lincoln right now. One person at a time. Example: Talk about pros and cons of the weather.

6. Round #2 Share about an event you have experienced. One person at a time. Example: Family vacation, concert, etc.

7. Round #3 Describe a situation that has proven to be a good INFLUENCE on your life. One person at a time. Example: A lesson/concept a teach taught, a motivational speaker you heard, a story a grandparent told you, etc.

8. Round #4 Describe a quality or trait you already have that will make you a better parent or spouse. One person at a time.

9. Round #5 Now you must go around and give each person in your group a compliment. One person at a time. *Don’t only compliment looks

10. Levels of Communication Discussion

11. Levels of Communication Event Superficial Influence Personal Personal Quality Validating Compliment

12. Validating Personal Superficial Levels of Communication “SPV” Communication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves. Communication involving opening up and talking about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you. Communication making up the majority of our communication. Talking about the weather, home, school, food, etc.

13. Levels of Communication Questions 1.Can a relationship remain stable for an extended period of time if they communicate in a superficial state? Why? 2.Which levels of communication must a relationship strive for in order to grow? Why? 3.Which was more difficult to share in group? Events, Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why? 4.What are some reactions that occurred in your group? Explain why these occurred. 5.Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and compliments. 6.Why would you communicate superficially?

14. “You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” --Leo Aikman

15. 1.What kind of communication makes up majority of our conversations? 2.What kind of communication makes a relationships stronger? 3.What is validating Communication?

16. Reasons for keeping Communication Superficial: I may be hurt. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. They will misinterpret what I say. They won’t be receptive It will put our relationship at risk. I will be out on a limb and won’t be supported. http://www.mnadr.state.mn.us/workplace/pdf/Keepcomm.pdf

17. What Validation Is To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.

18. Basic Steps to Validation Acknowledging the other person's feelings Identifying the feelings Offering to listen Helping them label the feelings Being there for them; remaining present physically and emotionally Feeling patient Feeling accepting and non-judgmental

19. Example of Validating I hear you. That hurts That's not good Wow, that's a lot to deal with I would feel the same way. (I would be sad/hurt/angry/jealous, etc. too) That is sad. That sounds discouraging. That sounds like it would really hurt That must really hurt. I know just what you mean. I would feel the same way. I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you are really feeling ____. It sounds like is really important to you.

20. Validating necklaces Students talk to one another about their admirable qualities and traits they see in each other. They must validate their compliments. Each time they validate someone they get a piece of yarn tied to their necklaces.

21. Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish. Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength. (1)

22. “No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.” Henry B. Adams

23. Summary: What is SPV? The greater the need to communicate our feelings, the harder it is to do. Indeed, sharing our opinions and emotions is risky business. We minimize the risk when we move through the levels of communication incrementally. That is, each conversation ought to begin with phatic (superficial) communication and move through the levels (however quickly seems appropriate) before moving to the more intimate levels. Generally, we look for the other individual to reciprocate at the same level of intensity. There is a social convention to match levels. If the other initiates a conversation at the evaluative level, we often feel compelled to respond in kind. This is dangerous. Sharing our ideas and feelings is generally reserved for those whom we trust. Trust is a function of confidence, commitment, and time. We generally share our essence with those we’ve known a long time.(2)