2 Levels of Communication “SPV” SuperficialCommunication making up the majority of our communication. Talking about the weather, home, school, food, etc.PersonalCommunication involving opening up and talking about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you.ValidatingCommunication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves.
3 Levels of Communication EventSuperficialInfluencePersonalPersonal QualityValidatingCompliment
4 Levels of Communication Questions Can a relationship remain stable for an extended period of time if they communicate in a superficial state? Why?Which levels of communication must a relationship strive for in order to grow? Why?Which was more difficult to share in group? Events, Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why?What are some reactions that occurred in your group? Explain why these occurred.Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and compliments.Why would you communicate superficially?
5 Reasons for keeping Communication Superficial: I may be hurt.I don’t want to hurt their feelings.They will misinterpret what I say.They won’t be receptiveIt will put our relationship at risk.I will be out on a limb and won’t be supported.
6 What Validation IsTo validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.
7 Basic Steps to Validation Acknowledging the other person's feelingsIdentifying the feelingsOffering to listenHelping them label the feelingsBeing there for them; remaining present physically and emotionallyFeeling patientFeeling accepting and non-judgmental
8 Communication Styles Touch Hugging, holding hands, physically close VerbalSharing one’s feelings, listening, heart-to-heart talks, caring wordsTaskAchievement, accomplishments, hard work, status, things
9 Destructive Communication BlamingInterruptingEndless FightingCharacter AssassinationCalling in ReinforcementsWithdrawalNeed to be Right
10 Blaming – Shifting responsibility for your actions to some or something else. Interrupting – Talking over someone while they are talking or changing the subject to distract the conversation.Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end. Bring up the old issues that have nothing to do with what’s happening now.
11 Character Assassination – Name calling, belittling comments about sensitive subjects, and insulting remarks. (Sarcasm)
12 Calling In Reinforcements – Involves outsiders in your personal relationships and quarrels. Withdrawal – Withdrawing from a communication or avoiding conversations
13 Need to be right – Not willing to look at the situation from another person’s point of view
14 Constructive Communication “I” MessagesClarityTimingAsking QuestionsReflective ListeningRespect and ConsiderationAvoiding Intense Anger
15 “I” Messages – State the feelings and thoughts you are having at the time of communication. Lets others know how you feel without making people defensive.
16 Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean. Problem is interpretation. (Sarcasm)Timing – Select a good time to do your important communicating.
17 Asking Questions – People seldom say what they really mean the first time. Reflective Listening –Where the listener mirrors back thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to clarify.
19 1. Father wants to read the paper. Child keeps climbing on his lap 1. Father wants to read the paper. Child keeps climbing on his lap. Father is irritated.“You” message: “You shouldn’t ever interrupt someone when he is reading.”“I” message: ______________________2. Mother using vacuum cleaner. Child keeps pulling plug out of socket. Mother is in a hurry.“You” message: “You’re being naughty.”“I” message:______________________
20 3. Child comes to table with very dirty hands and face. “You” message: “You’re not being a responsible big boy. That’s what a little baby might do.“I” message: ___________________________4. Child keeps postponing going to bed. Mother and Dad want to talk about a private problem of concern for them. Child keeps hanging around preventing them from talking.“You” message: “You know it’s past your bedtime. You are just trying to annoy us. You need your sleep.”“I” message:__________________________
21 5. Child pleads to be taken to a movie but he has not cleaned up his room for several days, a job he agreed to do.“You” message: “You don’t deserve going to a movie when you have been so inconsiderate and selfish.”“I” message: ___________________________6. Child has been sulking and acting sad all day. Mother doesn’t know the reason.“You” message: “Come on now, stop this sulking. Either brighten up or you’ll have to go outside and sulk. You’re taking something too serious.”“I’ message: ___________________________
22 7. Child is playing the stereo so loud it is interfering with the parent’s conversation in the next room.“You” message: “Can’t you be more considerate of others? Why do you play that stereo so loud?”“I” message:___________________________8. Child promised to iron napkins to be used for dinner party. During the day she dawdled, now it’s one hour before the guests arrive and she has not started the job.“You” message: “You have fallen down on your job. How can you be so thoughtless and irresponsible?”“I” message: _____________________________
23 Which type of communication do you feel we use most often Which type of communication do you feel we use most often? (Destructive/Constructive)EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER
24 Listening Blocks I must defend my position. I’m looking for an entrance into the conversation.I don’t have time to listen to you.I already know what you have to say.I know what you should do.
25 Active Listening Open-ended questions Closed: Are you feeling bad today?Open: How are you feeling today?Reflection (paraphrasing)
26 Non-Verbal Communication Kinesics refers to the study of non-verbal communication.Kinesics accounts for approximately 55% of our communication.Kinesics is sometimes referred to as “Body Language”GIVE SOME BODY LANGUAGE CLUES YOU KNOW
27 Territory/Space Zones We all mark our own territory.Creating personal space limitsSpreading coats, books, etc.
28 Space Personal Zone Public Zone 18” – 4’ 12’ and up Social Zone 4’ – 12’Intimate ZoneTouching – 18”