1. Do Now:
Eliminate the unnecessary words in the following sentences. The number in parentheses is a suggested maximum number of words for each sentence.
It seems that after many years of study and then years of writing, Adam Smith published a book that was called The Wealth of Nations. (14)
2. This lengthy, protracted book had in the neighborhood of a thousand pages, and those pages included a sixty-three-page index. (12)

2. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
…run a pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigor it will give your style…
--Sydney Smith

3. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
1. Eliminate Redundancies
2. Avoid unnecessary repetition of words
3. Cut empty or inflated phrases
4. Simplify the structure
5. Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words

4. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Eliminate redundancies
Twenty-something’s are often thought of or stereotyped as apathetic even though many are active in political and service groups.
Joel was determined in his mind to lose weight.
Daniel is now employed at a doctor’s office working as a therapist.

5. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Avoid unnecessary repetition of words
Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.
The best teachers help each student to become a better student both academically and emotionally.

6. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Cut empty or inflated phrases.
In my opinion, our current immigration policy is misguided.
It seems that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is Rowling’s darkest novel.
We will file the appropriate papers in the event that we are unable to meet the deadline.

7. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Simplify the structure
The financial analyst claimed that because of volatile market conditions she could not make an estimate of the company’s future profit.
Eduartina is responsible for monitoring and balancing the budgets for travel, contract services, and personnel.
It is imperative that all police officers follow strict procedures when apprehending a suspect.

8. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words
We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas Jefferson.
For her birthday we gave Jess a stylish vest made of silk.

9. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Working with your partner, tighten the following sentences.
Smith believed that there are certain basic, essential economic laws in existence and that these laws work to the benefit of everyone if people "let the market alone." (17)
He believed that something along the lines of an "invisible hand" guides economics. (10)

10. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Sentence Number
Words Eliminated
Reason for Eliminating (from list)
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven

11. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
Adam Smith was convinced in his mind that if people would “let the market alone,” all would be well. The true facts about how the market operated during the next century would have distressed him. The industrialists chose Smith as the patron saint for industrialists. Working to make sure that the government “let the market alone,” they opposed even laws that forbade shackling children to the machines that were operated by them. By means of agreements that were secret, they agreed to charge identical prices. Similarly, workers agreed to demand the same wages from every employer. Neither employers nor employees followed Adam Smith’s injunction to let the market alone. It seems quite obvious that there can be no doubt that Adam Smith would be disappointed in the way his economic theories have been used—and misused.

12. Aim: How do you tighten wordy sentences?
“A writer wastes nothing.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald
“Concision is honesty, honesty concision—that’s one thing you need to know.”
John Simon
“Epigrams succeed where epics fail.”
Persian proverb