1. Focus on Essays How to write an IB essay

2. Let’s first rely on our prior knowledge * It is an insult to begin as if you are new to essays as you have done this before and it would be best to go from what you know. * You have written essays in Year 9 for Inspector Calls and the Giver and in Year 10 for Romeo and Juliet in Semester 1 and perhaps for practice for The Catcher in the Rye.

3. Let’s begin by comparing the differences between essays and commentaries, as we all agree this is something we are confident in. COMMENTARIES Introductions: text, writer, thesis Commentary layout: Intro, body, transition, body....conclusion Organization, B: Obey our thesis - embedded quotations, transitional sentences Paragraph structure: PEERL or PEEDEA Focus of commentaries: Dissecting and stylistic devices analysis from a brief passage. What do you have to do in a commentary for A? stylistic devices and evidence What do you have to do for C? Spelling, register, vocabulary ESSAYS Introductions: text, writer, thesis, Essay layout: Intro, body, transition, body....conclusion Organisation, B: Obey the thesis - embedded quotations, transitional sentences Paragraph structure: PEERL Focus of Essays: Critical analysis with knowledge of text as a whole. How and why is still relevance. What do you have to do in an essay for a A? Critical analysis What do you have to do for C?

4. The Process For essay writing: “It wont happen over night but it will happen.”

5. What is the best way to improve in future essays Write up the feedback from your prior assignments and find ways to improve on prior errors. For example, if you have articles or tense circled as errors then look this up in your Pocket Style Manual. If you are having issues with register, check the guide and if still confused ask your teacher. When writing your new assignment have the written up notes of what you did wrong last time to aim to improve in the next essay.

6. Class approach In the past I have provided generalised feedback on common errors we are doing so that we can aim to avoid these in the future, but it can be easy to become too complacent and read over these and think, oh I’m not doing that, but in fact - unfortunately - many of us are. We are now going to look at some specific examples of work from the class and look at how we can improve specific paragraphs. The purpose of doing so is to see what we are doing as a whole and how this can be improved. Please remember we are all doing this not only the one student whose work is being showed. We must view the work that will appear in the following slides with respect and appreciate that this is a helpful learning opportunity and as soon as it becomes an opportunity for disrespect we can no longer continue with the activity.

7. Example 1 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. Introduction on dynamic and static characters prompt: In various novels and plays, some characters change and some characters stay the same till the end of the play. The characters in the play ‘Death of a Salesman’, there are examples of those characters. Nevertheless, the static characters are much more interesting than the dynamic characters because, if a character remains the same, he or she will increase the attention forwards to the book because, it is expected that they would change in the end eventually. Moreover, analyzing the static characters is easier than analysing the dynamic characters because, dynamic characters change their ideas but statics don’t so it will be simple to analyse static characters.

8. Example 2 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. The third paragraph of an essay based on the prompt on dreams: The hallucinations will also contribute to the theme betrayal by conveying the true betrayal in the plotline. When Willy has a conversation with Bernard, the audience gets the impression that the one who betrays the family is Biff because he turns his back to Willy’s expectations and this is so called betrayal “has been trailing [Willy] like a ghost for the last fifteen years.” By saying that Willy expresses the grief he feels for his son’s actions. But the truth is far apart from what Willy feels, and the truth is revealed by the hallucination. After the conversation with Bernard, Willy has the hallucination in the restaurant, which reveals that the cause for the actions of Biff is because Willy betrays Linda, Biff’s mother. Then Biff gets so disappointed because the ideal man figure in Biff’s head,Willy, is severely damaged and he does not want to become a man who betrays mother of his sons. Therefore, in order to avoid everything Willy tells Biff to do and he just escapes. This information, provided by the hallucination, unexpectedly changes the understanding of the them betrayal because the source of the true betrayal is shifted from father to son.

9. Example 3 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. The first paragraph of an essay based on the static and dynamic characters Never does Willy give up the American Dream and his dream of earning money. He has always been a hard-working persona and he always tries to accomplish his variety of dreams yet he never succeeds. He wants to teach his sons how to become a successful businessman although his life is a failure. He says in the beginning of the play: “You see I been talking about? The greatest things can happen!” and tries to infuse the idea of The American Dream to his children. He wants to show them that they can become rich in a small period of time. He works hard and runs for the dream non-stop. In the end of the play, his obsession about money is still noticeable. He kills himself, just for his son Biff to get money.” “It’s twenty thousand dollars on the barrelhead. Guaranteed, gilt-edged, you understand?” he says to the hallucination of Ben. In the end of the play, he still dreams about earning money. This is evidence that he does not change a great deal, which conveys that he is a static character. He never gives up his obsession about money and running for the American Dream until the end of the story even though he can’t get close to achieving it.

10. Example 4 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. The second paragraph of an essay based on the static and dynamic characters His character of being mercurial is another indication of Willy being a static character. Willy changes his mind overly fast and therefore keeps contradicting himself. For example, in the beginning of the play, he says that “Biff is a lazy bum!” but after several seconds he changes his mind and says that Biff is “such a hard worker”. He contradicts himself and he has opposing thoughts. Throughout the play, he conserves his ever changing character. For instance, he suddenly gets angry, and then he suddenly gets calm, and keeps on doing this. He does not have specific opinions about something because they change rapidly. His conflicting attitude goes on till the end of the play, therefore, he is a static character.

11. Example 5 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. The end of the first paragraph of static and dynamic characters This change in Biff’s character proves that he is an unsteady character and although it is interesting to read why and how he changes throughout the play, it is rather normal in reality that a child who idolises a parents learns about a fault of the parent and usually turns against them.

12. Example 6 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. The third paragraph of an essay based on the static and dynamic characters I find Biff more interesting that Linda, who remains the same throughout the play. In the first place, because Linda is too consistent, tolerant and obedient, she does not make a difference as a character. Because she does not do anything extreme, it is possible to predict how she will react to the events as the play progresses. The audience knows that Linda is not going to be any different; this makes her not at all interesting. On the other hand, Biff excites more the audience: the reader wonders if Willy will remain lost under the weight of his father’s American Dream or find himself. Biff, as a dynamic character, creates the tension in the play. Also, Linda does not learn anything even after her husband dies, but Biff gets mature with the death of his father. This great tragedy teachers Biff, who is more astute, a lesson Linda seems to never understand. Hence, Biff’s intelligence is another reason that makes him more interesting. Finally, by portraying a dynamic character like Biff, Miller emphasises that everybody can change in a positive way. I admired how a lost person like Biff found himself and discovered what he wants to do with his life. He exemplifies great changes any person any experience. This also shows that being lost, which is something that as an adolescence I feel sometimes, is a contemporary feeling. Biff demonstrates life is about doing what we like.

13. Example 7 - please read over first and then decide what is the most significant aspect of the paragraph that could be improved. The end of the first paragraph on dreams Arthur Miller portrays the need salesm.