1. Domestic violence and family dynamics  ♀ ♂ ♂ ♀   ♀ ♂  ♀  ♀

2.  Permissive / neglectful parenting styles Children may have & abuse power over one or both parents Authoritarian / abusive parenting styles One or both parents abuse power within the family ♀♂ Both parents are equal in power and above the child in the family power structure – power is wielded the interests of protecting and teaching child to become a self-regulating individual. Parents having a focus on the child’s interests, with a healthy eye on their own needs also Parenting in the child’s best interests Parenting continuum

3. Ordinary parenting programmes Therapeutic parenting ‘Caring dads’‘Who’s in Charge?’ Interventions to move parents along the parenting continuum

4. Which of the following are abuse? Smacking a young child for running on the road Hitting a young child with a slipper for running on the road 10-year-old boy gives 12-year-old brother a black eye in a fight 10-year-old accidentally gives 4-year-old brother a black eye while play fighting. 10-year-old deliberately giving his 2-year-old brother a black eye. A baby biting his mother. 10-year-old biting his mother. 10-year-old saying I hate you! to a parent. A parent says I hate you! to 10-year-old A teenager who has seen his dad hit his mum for years attacking and injuring his dad when dad has been yelling at mum again A teenager attacking his dad because he won ’ t buy him a motorbike

5. Family agreement Selecting goals Consequences and rewards What if’s Safety plans

6. Steps for ordinary child discipline Modelling Giving clear instructions as to what you want the child to do Giving praise and attention for good behaviour Ignoring bad behaviour Confrontation - “NO, don’t do that” followed by firm authoritative instructions Incentives – star charts work for younger children – set them up for agreed behaviours and maintain them consistently until better habits have formed. Incentives charts work on older children with agreed rewards when the child has earned enough points from agreed ‘goal’ behaviours. Contracts may also work with older children.

7. Consequences –  offer choices and speak of the logical consequences first (eg. if you make the choice to wear only a t-shirt then you will end up cold)  for more serious issues where you are not willing to allow choice insist that the child must first do …… before you will co-operate with her in any way.  negative consequences for bad behaviours (eg. Confiscation of toys for younger children) Family rule discussion – for older children – sit down as a family and discuss the problems. Gather your children’s ideas about what are the key problems and how to address them. Try to reach compromise and agreement. Time out - time out should not be an alternative to completing a task, but a consequence of bad behaviour.

8. Modelling Who is important in your child’s life? What behaviours from you set good examples of how to communicate with these people and how to manage frustration? How you rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in communicating and managing frustration with others - especially those important to your child? How can you appreciate others who are important in your child’s life to the child (eg. Other parent, foster carers etc?)

9. Praise Get them to share ways they remember being put down or felt they were negatively labelled as a child How did this affect them? How did they feel to person to said those things to them? How do they do that to their own child? How can they praise their own child – both for specific skills and attributes but also for specific behaviours. Ask them to log praise for their children in the coming weeks.

10. Caring dads – child centred parenting Establish long term goals of discipline – to teach certain values and behaviours even when the parent isn’t there – to teach self control Consider specific examples of behaviours the father finds challenging and/or has punished – ask in who’s interest is it to change this behaviour? How child  _  parent centred is it? Compare the goals with impacts of the punishment. In who’s interest is using this method of discipline? How child   parent centred is it? What better ways might you achieve the goals?

11. Who’s in charge? Your influence Other parent Relationship between parents Step-parent Brothers & Sisters Other relatives School Friends Any other people TV, other media Temperament (elements of personality your child was born with) Physical: appearance, size, health, age reaching puberty Free will & child ’ s own choices Specific events Any other influences (give your influence 10 points and use this as a standard against which to measure others ’ influence - you can do this on specific issues such as violence - you can work out the final % influence you think you actually had on that issue)

12. Impacts on children Attachment styles (eg. Howe, D (2003) – ‘Attachment disorders’ in Attachment and Human Development (5:3) pp265 – 271)

13. Understanding children’s communication girl – 5 - always plays up at bedtime boy – 11- steals sweets and then more precious things Girl - 9 - breaks her parents precious things intentionally Boy - 6 wets bed and sometimes urinates in the corner of his bedroom What might the child be trying to communicate? What can parents say to child? What can they do?