2. Listen to what people want to talk about. What is bothering them?
Helping People in Need
Listen to what people want to talk about.
What is bothering them?
What do they care about?

3. Counseling TIPS WHAT TO AVOID Do not tell someone you “understand”
Do not tell someone to “calm down” if they are mad
Do not tell someone “it’s going to be ok”
Do not put words in people’s mouths—make assumptions

4. Lack of Emotional Control
Counseling TIPS
Check these at the Door
Personal Biases
Rash Judgments
Stereotyping
Lack of Emotional Control

5. Counseling TIPS WHAT TO DO
Active listening Involves attentively listening to what the other person is saying verbally, emotionally and non-verbally

6. Counseling TIPS WHAT TO DO
Active Observation Involves intensely observing nonverbal behaviors and mannerisms that typically provide insight into internalized thoughts and feelings. .

7. Counseling TIPS
Responding (verbally and non-verbally)
Verbal responses consist of summarizing, interpreting and clarifying communicated messages. Refrain from smothering the client by over-talking him/her and avoid constant interruptions.
Non-verbal responses consist of: Eye contact (demonstrates interest), head nodding (demonstrates agreement and encourages communication), body posture (avoid slouching and exhibit an open posture that includes you leaning forward as it conveys sincerity), and facial expressions (should appear natural and relaxed ---no judgmental expressions – rolling eyes, angry look, etc.)

8. Counseling TIPS
Questioning
Should primarily be open-ended. Well-posed questions may help verify understanding, encourage further explanation or help move a client through the stages of the counseling session.

9. Establishing Trust and Rapport
Counseling TIPS
Establishing Trust and Rapport
Respect for person being counseled: Mutual respect improves the chances of changing (or maintaining) behavior and achieving outlined goals.
Self-awareness and cultural awareness: You must be fully aware of your values, needs and biases prior to counseling clients. Self-aware counselors are less likely to allow their biases to influence the counseling process. In addition, counselors need to be cognizant of the similarities and differences between individuals of different cultural backgrounds and how these factors may influence values, perspectives and actions.
Empathy: Empathy allows you to see the situation from the other person's view. It provides a grounding effect on the plan of action, ensuring that it is feasible and achievable from the perspectives of the counselor and client.
Credibility: Counselors achieve credibility by being honest and consistent in their statements and actions.

10. Common Psychotherapeutic Approaches
Cognitive: the belief that our thoughts are directly connected to how we feel. Behavioral : primary learning comes from experience Psychoanalytic : involves analyzing the root causes of behavior and feelings by exploring the unconscious mind and the conscious mind's relation to it. Person Centered Therapy: non-directive technique that helps patients find their own solutions to their problems.

11. Three General Counseling Techniques
Telling
Coaching
Selling

12. Telling
Is a directive approach to counseling best suited for addressing simple problems or making on-the-spot corrections where time is limited and action must be prompt. Under this approach, the counselor does most of the talking during the counseling session and directs the client concisely on what to do and when to do it. The major disadvantage to using the “telling” approach is that it discourages clients from taking part in formulating a realistic plan conducive to creating the desired change in their behavior

13. Coaching
Is a non-directive approach that is preferred for most counseling sessions. Counselors using this approach spend most of their time listening rather then talking. Clients are encouraged to develop action plans and counselors ensure that action plans support goals and objectives. This approach is time intensive and requires the greatest amount of counselor skill. Also, for this approach to be effective clients must openly communicate, maturely present goals and actively uncover alternatives. One of the positive attributes of employing this type of counseling is that it encourages personal responsibility.

14. Selling
Is a combined approach that uses aspects of both coaching (non-directive) and telling (directive). Using this approach the counselor provides guidance, but avoids directing. Planning and decision-making are the responsibilities of the client, with the counselor assisting with the development and evaluation of alternatives.

16. What is Bullying
"A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself."

17. Definition on Bullying
This definition includes three important components:
Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions.
Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time.
Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.

18. TYPES OF BULLYING
Verbal bullying including derogatory comments and bad names
Bullying through social exclusion or isolation
Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting
Bullying through lies and false rumors
Having money or other things taken or damaged by students who bully
Being threatened or being forced to do things by students who bully
Racial bullying
Sexual bullying
Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet)

19. REASONS WHY PEOPLE BULLY
Information about bullying suggests that there are three interrelated reasons why students bully
Students who bully have strong needs for power and (negative) dominance
Students who bully find satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to other students.
Students who bully are often rewarded in some way for their behavior with material or psychological rewards.

20. Impact of Bullying
A single student who bullies can have a wide-ranging impact on the students they bully, students who observe bullying, and the overall climate of the school and community.

21. Students Who are Bullied
Students deserve to feel safe at school. But
when they experience bullying, these types
of effects can last long into their future:
Depression
Low self-esteem
Health problems
Poor grades
Suicidal thoughts

22. Students Who Bully Others
Students who intentionally bully others should be
held accountable for their actions. Those who bully
their peers are also more likely than those
students who do not bully others to:
Get into frequent fights
Steal and vandalize property
Drink alcohol and smoke
Report poor grades
Perceive a negative climate at school
Carry a weapon

23. Observers of Bullying
Students who see bullying happen also may feel that they are in an unsafe environment. Effects may include feeling:
Fearful
Powerless to act
Guilty for not acting
Tempted to participate

24. Schools with Bullying Issues
When bullying continues and a school does not
take action, the entire school climate can be
affected in the following ways:
The school develops an environment of fear and disrespect
Students have difficulty learning
Students feel insecure
Students dislike school
Students perceive that teachers and staff has little control and don't care about them

25. The Bullying Circle

26. Bullying is a Serious Issue
Bullying may vary greatly between schools and school districts, but it is very prevalent:
Statistics show that 23 percent of students in grades 4-6 had been bullied "several times" or more; 20 percent had bullied others (1998 study of 6,500 students in rural South Carolina)
Statistics show that 17 percent of students in grades 6-10 reported having been bullied "sometimes" or more, with 8 percent being bullied once a week. 19 percent said they had been a bully to others "sometimes" or more. (2001 study of 15,000 U.S. students)

27. What Can Allies Do Refuse to participate and interrupt the behavior
Make sure the bully and victim know you think behavior is wrong
Ignore the bully and invite the victim to walk away with you
Enlist the help of others to stand with you by the victim
Immediately report any bulling incident to authorities

28. Ultimate Consequence of Bullying
When people especially youth is pushed to commit suicide due to bullying, it is termed:
BULLYCIDE.

30. Suicides in Laredo (2008-2010) Total # of Suicides = 45 2008 2009 2010
12 males
11 males
4 females
2 females

31. Suicides in Webb County (2007-2009)
2008
2009 17 27 31
Total # of Suicides = 75

32. Difference in Suicide Rates Between Boys and Girls
Girls----- think about and attempt suicide about
twice as often as boys, and tend to attempt
suicide by overdosing on drugs or cutting
themselves.
Boys-----die by suicide about four times as
often as girls, perhaps because they tend to
use more lethal methods, such as firearms,
hanging, or jumping from heights.

33. Rate in Which High School Students Think About Suicide
18.7 % of female and 10.3% of male high school students have thought of committing suicide.
7% of all high school students admitted to trying it once.
It is approximated that a teenager commits suicide every 105 minutes.
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among year olds and the 4th among year olds
cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/suicide-datasheet

34. What Factors Influence Teen Suicide
Psychological disorders
Depression--- bi-polar disorder
Anxiety Disorders---- panic attacks
Drug and Alcohol Addiction and Dependency
Low Self-Esteem
Persistent sadness (generally feeling sad and lonely)
Bullying (being harassed and victimized by peers)
Sexual orientation (sexual identity issues)
Poor self-image (Eating disorders)

35. Why the Significant Impact
Pressure teenagers experience to fit in socially, to perform academically, and to act responsibly typically take its toll on them. There's the awakening of sexual feelings, a growing self-identity, and a need for autonomy that often conflicts with the rules and expectations set by others
A teen with an adequate support network of friends, family, religious affiliations, peer groups, or extracurricular activities may have an outlet to deal with everyday frustrations. But many teens don't believe they have that, and feel disconnected and isolated from family and friends. These teens are at increased risk for suicide.

37. Suicide Warning Signs 8 out of 10 people who commit suicide do not
exhibit any signs
Sudden changes in personality
Inability to concentrate
Loss of interest of pleasurable activities
Frequent mood swings accompanied by violent behavior including restlessness and irritability
Talks about suicide or death in general; talks about going away
Subtle comments like “It’s no use” or “My life sucks”.
Problems with sleep

38. Suicide Warning Signs (cont.)
Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
Overwhelming feelings Shame and Guilt
History of Physical or Sexual Abuse
Dealing with homosexuality in an unsupportive family or community or hostile school environment
Lack of a support network, poor relationships with parents or peers, and feelings of social isolation

39. What Can Be Done to Prevent Teen Suicide
There are no proven measures that definitively
prevent someone from taking their own life
regardless of age. Teens are especially
vulnerable to suicidal ideation because their
minds are growing and developing and they
generally make decisions without thinking
about long term consequences. However,
there are some things one can do to minimize
the possibility of someone committing suicide.

40. Suggested Tips for Preventing Suicide
Encourage the person to talk to peers, parents, church representatives,
school counselors, or mental health professionals about their suicidal
feelings.
The first step in encouraging a suicidal person to live comes from talking about
feelings. Fears that are shared are more likely to diminish.
Remember What to Do
Telling someone to “cheer up” can make it seem like you don’t understand. It’s
better to listen and don’t discount their feelings.

41. Suggested Tips for Preventing Suicide (cont.)
Help facilitate linkages to mental health services for someone you
suspect may have a mental illness or has been diagnosed with one.
You can help by offering your support and talk to them about seeking help as a
start for them to possibly end the pain without attempting suicide. It’s important
to follow through and be sure the person stays safe until you can put him or her
in contact with a responsible adult or program.
Remember What to Do
Do not promise to “keep their secret”. That could literally be a deadly secret to
keep. It’s more important to get help, even if that means revealing a secret.

42. Suggested Tips for Preventing Suicide (cont.)
Discourage the person from turning to drugs or alcohol to deal with
their problems and help them adopt healthier coping skills
Remember What to Do
Do not tell them they are loved by others (you cannot possibly know that),
but encourage them to adopt the following protective mechanisms:
A responsibility to family
Responsibility and love of children in the family
Fear of social disapproval
Moral objections to suicide
Religiosity
Social Support

43. Other Measures to Follow in Helping to Prevent Suicide
Simply follow Y-CARE
YOU--- You are never alone. You are not responsible for someone who chooses to take their own life. All You can do is listen, support, and assist the person in getting the help they need.
CONNECT ---- the person to resources and to supportive, trusted adults.
ACCEPT--- and listen to the person’s feelings and take them seriously.
RESPOND----- if a person has a plan to attempt suicide and tell someone you trust.
EMPOWER----- the person to get help.

44. Getting Over a Loved Ones Suicide
What Helps
Getting Over a Loved Ones Suicide
Emotional Support: Talk to someone about your feelings like a friend or family member especially someone who has experienced this as well. Seek professional help if necessary.
Reading: Look for answers and gain a better understanding of suicide and the grieving process.
Writing: This is a great therapeutic way for you to explore your feelings in writing by being honest, logical and objective about how you feel.

45. Sexual Identity
Issues

46. Sexual Orientation Nature vs. Nurture
Modern science has embraced the notion that people are born “gay” and have been working on isolating a “gay gene” that when present pre-determines someone’s sexuality

47. Coming to Terms with Your Sexuality
“Feeling Different” at 5 or 6 years of
age ---- crushes on same sex
friends
Most people do not figure
out their sexual orientation
and identity until they
are teenagers or even adults
Your emotions, feelings and
physical attractions will help tell
who you are.

48. Common Terms Gender Continuums Sex (Biological Anatomy)
Male……………………………………..Female
Gender Identity (Psychological Sense of Self)
Man………………………………………Woman
Gender Expressions (External Presentations)
Masculine………………………………. Feminine
Sexual Orientation (Romantic/Erotic Response)
Towards Women……………………… Towards Men

49. Identity vs. Expression
Gender Identity ---- is how you feel about
your sex
“I like being a woman; I would not have it any other way”
“Inside I know I’m a man, but I have a female body”
Gender Expression ---- is how you present
those feelings to the
world
In your clothing, name, mannerisms, career
choices, etc.

50. Societal Expectations
Sex (Biological Anatomy) Male……………………………………..Female Gender Identity (Psychological Sense of Self) Man………………………………………Woman Gender Expressions (External Presentations) Masculine………………………………. Feminine Sexual Orientation (Romantic/Erotic Response) Towards Women……………………… Towards Men Male Expectations Females Expectations

51. Variance in Sexuality Gay (Male) Lesbian May Vary Depending on Person
Sex (Biological Anatomy)
Male……………………………………..Female
Gender Identity (Psychological Sense of Self)
Man………………………………………Woman
Gender Expressions (External Presentations)
Masculine………………………………. Feminine
Sexual Orientation (Romantic/Erotic Response)
Towards Women……………………… Towards Men
Gay (Male)
Lesbian
May Vary Depending on Person

52. Transgender People Transgender does not imply any specific form of
sexual orientation
Transexual people identify as, or desire to live and be accepted as, a member of the sex opposite to that assigned at birth.
Cross-dresser or Transvestite is a person who has an apparent gender identification with one sex, and who has and certainly has been birth-designated as belonging to one sex, but who wears the clothing of the opposite sex.
Drag is a term applied to clothing and make-up worn on special occasions for performing or entertaining as a hostess/host, stage artist or at an event

53. Transgender People
Genderqueer refers to people who may think of themselves as one or more of the following:
both man and woman
neither man nor woman (genderless, agender)
moving between genders (gender fluid)
third gendered or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender
having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual orientation
Androgyne is a person who does not fit cleanly into the typical gender roles of their society. It does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation. Androgynes may identify as beyond gender, between genders, moving across genders, entirely genderless, or any or all of these, exhibiting a variety of male, female, and other characteristics

54. Sexual Orientation Physical or Behavioral
Not a “choice” or a “lifestyle”
Physical or Behavioral
Sexual Activity/Physical Attraction
Emotional
Mental
Cultural Identity

55. Sexual Identity Issues and Youth
Gay youth are 2 to 3 times more likely to commit suicide than other young people
Suicide is the leading cause of death among GLBT youth
Gay youth gets bullied (45% of males and 20% of females)
Gay youth make up 25% of people living on the streets

56. Challenges of Gay Youth
Emotional, Physical, Intellectual and Sexual Changes During Adolescence
Peer Pressure
Attitude and Self-image
Relationships Skills
Outcast and Invisible (Neglected)
Conflicts with Family and Friends
Live in Fear of Being Found or Recognized

57. Sexual Identity Issues
Gay youth report higher levels of:
Bullying and Victimization
Substance Abuse
Suicidal Thoughts
Risky Behaviors

58. How to Help Sexual orientation is not a lifestyle rather it’s a life
Referring to someone’s sexual orientation as a “phase”
Do not use the term “Sexual Preference”
Ask them to talk about their feelings/emotions
1st step is self-acceptance
Examine possible Homophobia internal and external
Explore Stereotypes (negative and positive)
Never force someone to “come out” unless they think they are ready
Do not say things like
“Your parents will understand”
“If they love you, they will accept you”
“Once you come out, you will feel better about yourself”

59. How to Help Ways to Help Gay Youth Deal with their Sexuality
Social Support
Keep them connected to nurturing family and friends
Professional Help
Utilize culturally competent professional help that posses a
strong and healthy understanding of human sexuality i.e. trained
school counselors, therapists, youth program staff, etc.
Educate Yourself
Expose yourself to books, DVDs, websites designed to increase
your knowledge and understanding of human sexuality
Spirituality
Explore religion and use it for positive spiritual growth
Visit Local Programs for Additional Help
Contact PILLAR

60. Why Are Healthy Relationships Important
Most of our societal ills can be corrected and
possibly eliminated via healthy relationships
between:
Countries
Co-workers/Supervisors
Agencies
Romantic Partners
Parents/Children/Siblings
Peers (Students)

61. Relationship Fact
The real problem with relationships is not the fact that relationship problems frequently complicate our lives. The real problem with relationships is that most of us have never learned what constitutes a healthy relationship

62. Destructive Factors in Social or Romantic Relationships
Giving up your personal interests for your partner.
Nagging at your partner with the intent to make him/her a better person.
Doing something just to get even with your partner.
Talking about your partner behind his/her back.
Blaming your partner for your feelings of unhappiness.
Expecting your partner to change.
Thinking "if he/she really loved me--he/she would know what I need/want without me having to tell him/her."
Avoiding intimate time together.
Flirting with persons other than your partner.
Considering having an affair (seeking love outside of your relationship).
Low self-esteem is one of the most significant factors contributing to unhappy and unhealthy relationships

63. Ways to Maintain a Healthy Relationship
In order to make a relationship work, each participant in the relationship needs to accept full responsibility for all his or her thoughts, feelings and actions. It is important to not blame your partner for things that don't work out the way you expected. Some steps that can help strengthen a relationship:
Accept responsibility for changing your non-constructive behaviors.
Openly communicate your expectations and personal boundaries
Accept responsibility for maintaining your own happiness.
Accept that you have the power to control your own life.
Let go of the need to always be right.
Maintain passion in your relationship.
Do not compromise trust
Provide nurturance and support

64. Silent Relationship Killers: Unresolved Issues
Unresolved Issues with immediate family members can infect all of your future relationships

65. Healthy Work Relationships
Healthy work relationships are a must for any business, agency or educational institution to thrive and succeed.
If employees are unhappy with work duties or
co-workers, customers and overall organizational productivity will definitely be impacted by the tension.
Keeping employee morale and performance moving toward optimal success requires cultivating and sustaining functional and healthy relationships at work

66. Tips to make Work Relationships Functional
Develop a Positive Attitude: Avoid sharing negative thoughts, actions, criticisms, and sarcastic snipes
Accept Personal and Cultural Differences: It is counterproductive to expect and hope for everyone to be like and think like you
Give Respect to Earn Respect: Regardless of the situation, try not to lash out or be rude
Share Opportunities and Recognition Willingly with Co-Workers: Share the spotlight and recognition with co-workers; don’t hog these accolades
Avoid Gossiping: Gossip is one of the top destroyers of healthy work relationships

67. Tips to make Work Relationships Functional
Resolve Conflicts Early: When a negative situation arises, do not let it continue to boil
Accentuate the Positives: Don’t be overly critical and instead focus on reframing things in a positive manner
Set Boundaries: Avoid developing friendships at work that are too personal and that will sooner or later begin to interfere with your work
Listen Attentively: Give your co-workers your undivided attention and express genuineness and concern when appropriate; make time for them
Communicate Effectively and Professionally: Engage in open and honest communication and learn how co-workers prefer to be communicated and interacted with

68. Tips to make Work Relationships Functional
Deliver Good Customer Service: Interact with co-workers and customers in a friendly and professional manner. Eliminate any negative comments and body language
Do and Complete Your Work: A healthy and positive work ethic will often encourage others to want to work with you; doing your job well breeds support and positive reinforcement from others

69. Phone Number: 956-723-7457 (PILR)
1502 Logan— P. O. Box 1702
Laredo, Texas 78044
Phone Number: (PILR)