1. Introducing, from Keuwl Labs…

2. The ‘Three Wishes’ just got better Upgrade-Ya

4. Upgrade-Ya is a brilliant new product from Keuwl Laboratories that essentially makes sure that you are perfect and exactly who you want to be. No longer will you ever need to wish upon a star or blow on dandelions. Upgrade-Ya can make you fatter or thinner, taller or shorter, prettier or uglier, with little or no side effects!

7. Comparison

8. Upgrade-YaNature  Instant results  Changes according to your desire, not nature’s  Expensive  Changes can be duplicated, erased, undone and enhanced  Unique  Takes time  Unpredictable and not necessarily according to your taste  Free  Once something is done, it can’t be undone  The same for everyone

13. Benefits and Disadvantages

14. BenefitsDisadvantages  Boosts self-esteem  Easier to fit in with people  Easier to make new friends  Makes you feel happier with your image  Stops things like anorexia through peer pressure  Makes you unfit  Makes you unhealthy  Natural development and growth is stunted  Natural character building is destroyed  Makes you lose that sense of self that makes each and everyone unique.

15. Arguments For and Against

16. You will only be healthy on the outside, not the inside. You can’t change that, just your outward appearance. So, what if Upgrade-Ya really doesn’t make you more healthy and good looking, because inside you will be feeling rubbish? Wouldn’t this affect your appearance as well? And self-esteem. If your self-esteem is apparently being boosted by this, wouldn’t it just go down again because of the sickness?

17. But what about the benefits? You can get higher self-esteem for more than one place, you know. More friends will give you more respect for yourself, ergo, higher self- esteem. Isn’t it better to feel good about yourself than feel like you constantly need to improve? Happiness is important. If you have to change yourself to feel good about yourself, then that is entirely your own choice.

18. Aha! But your friends won’t be true friends. They won’t like you for who you are, only for who you want to be. It is better to have real friends who respect you the way you are, and don’t try to change you just so you can fit in. You would be living a fake life that way, and wouldn’t be the real you. While I agree that the happiness of the individual in question is important, nothing is so important that you have to change yourself to achieve it.

20. At the moment, without factors like Upgrade- Ya, I believe that I am relatively well balanced. Exercise: I play tennis and hockey, and I enjoy swimming. Not laps, though. I walk/scooter to and from school as well. Food: I don’t get many really sugary foods at home (e.g. lollies) and my favourite food is vegetarian spring rolls. Go figure. Drink: I don’t like any fizzy drinks, so that’s a bonus in my favour.

23. Compared to that, identifying identical twins is a piece of cake. With whipped cream, sprinkles and a bucket of cherries on the top.

25. Slideshow: Kim Heeley Product (Upgrade-Ya): Kim Heeley Keuwl Labs: Kim Heeley Text: Kim Heeley Facts: Kim Heeley’s Health Workbook All Ideas: Kim Heeley Grade: Ms Siew Latin: Lingua Latine Occasionibus Omnibus (Latin For All Occasions) by Henry Beard. A truly remarkable book.

26. From Keuwl Laboratories

27. This product is entirely fictitious. Any attempt to sue Miss Heeley will be refuted on the grounds de stella Martis vere venisti. Enjoy the rest of your day. Keuwl Laboratories