1. 同尋「性」象 Gender Identity Formation Copyright © 1997-2003 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. 黃偉康博士 Licensed Clinical Psychologist, California, U.S.A. ChristianMentalHealth.com Info@ ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104 Tel (510) 794-8898 Fax (510) 475-1473

2. 同尋「性」象 ( 家長講座 ) 主講 : 黃偉康博士 美國臨床心理學家 回應 : 梁林天慧女士 浸會愛群社會服務處總幹事

3. 同尋「性」象 ( 家長講座 ) 廿一世紀香港社會最大的挑戰之一是 性開放思潮， 我們需要正視，透過關心、 聆聽、重建、同行， 協助在性捆綁中掙扎的一群，為陷入 性愛迷思的一代提供一條出路。 與家長一同探討，如何協助子女建立 正確的性別角色？

4. 同尋「性」象 如何幫助子女在性觀念開放， 好像婚前性行為普遍、 性濫交﹝一夜情﹞、 傳媒將「性」大肆渲染等的 環境中， 建立正確的性別角色？

5. 明報 何美華 2003-02-05 辦同志嘉年華 促進旅遊業 同志團體 教港府賺錢 同志團體指出，很多國家已虎視眈眈同志的「粉紅金錢」 (Pink Dollar) ，但本港在這方面卻大大落後於人，政 府應帶頭向消費力極強的同志發掘商機。

6. 明報 何美華 2003-02-05 辦同志嘉年華 何禮傑指出， 現時學者及科學數據亦普遍認 同每 10 個人便有 1 人是同戀， 他認為同志市場極龐大，但香 港未有好好發掘。

7. 同尋「性」象 如何幫助子女在同儕壓力中 男校及女校中很多女性化 男孩子和男性化女孩子 “ Tom Boy ” 的同學， 確立健康的性別角色？

8. 同尋「性」象 如何幫助在性別 角色困擾中的 子女？

9. 同尋「性」象 家長在華人社會成長， 承繼較為含蓄的中國文化， 加上工作忙碌為口奔馳， 如何克服本身的限制與子 女開放地討論性別角色 的困擾？

10. 同尋「性」象 從香港處境出發， 向家長提出幫助子女 建立正確性別角色時， 需要注意的地方。

11. Gender Identity Formation Stages Stage 1 (Birth to Four years old) –Parental Same-Gender Attachment Stage 2 (Kindergarten to Stage 1 School) –Social Same-Gender Attachment Stage 3 (Elementary to Middle School) –Social Opposite-Gender Attachment Stage 4 (Middle to High School) Stage 5 (High School to College) Stage 6 (Beyond First Stage College & Marriage)

12. Stage 1 (Birth to Four years old) Parental Same-Gender Attachment –Separation & Individuation –Same-Gender Attachment Failure –Opposite-Gender Attachment

13. Family Tree Diagram Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2

14. Healthy Relationship Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully

15. Healthy Relationship Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son attaches with dad for Gender-Identity formation sucessfully

16. Healthy Relationship Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully

17. Healthy Relationship Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son attempts to attach to father for Gender- Identity formation

18. Unhealthy Relationship Begins Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son’s attempts to attach to father was rebuffed and he experiences rejection and hurt

19. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Detachment Begins Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son’s attempts to defend against more pain from rejection by defensively detaching from father’s relationship emotionally

20. Father’s Affair Hurts Daughter Men Cannot be Faithful 1.Men are Unfaithful, Don’t have anything to do with Men 2.I Don’t Want to be My Mother or like My Mother, because She Allow him to do it 3.Mother = Weakness

21. Gender-Identity Development Separation-Individuation Successful Gender-Identity develops after an early dynamic relationship (Separation- Individuation) of child with Mother & FatherSuccessful Gender-Identity develops after an early dynamic relationship (Separation- Individuation) of child with Mother & Father Both Mother and Father are important for healthy gender development of their kidsBoth Mother and Father are important for healthy gender development of their kids Dynamic psychological relationship begins when child walks & talks (Separation-Individuation)Dynamic psychological relationship begins when child walks & talks (Separation-Individuation) –Where Gender-Identity Imprinting begins

22. Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999 Object-RelationsSeparation-Individuation theory suggests there is a critical phase when a child will have to separate from mother to attain gender individuation For gender identity to be formed, child must successfully attach to the same-sex parent emotionally

23. Healthy Relationship Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son separates from mom for psychological individuation successfully

24. Healthy Relationship Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son attempts to attach to father for Gender- Identity formation

25. Unhealthy Relationship Begins Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son’s attempts to attach to father was rebuffed and he experiences rejection and hurt

26. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Detachment Begins Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son ’ s attempts to defend against more pain from rejection by defensively detaching from father ’ s relationship emotionally

27. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Begins Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son has no choice but to re-attach with mom for emotional security

28. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Continues Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son has no choice but to re-attach with mom for emotional security Forming Defensive Attachment

29. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Intensifies Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Son generalizes defensive detachment to defensively attach to girls and women: Non- aggressive & softer

30. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Intensifies Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Father becomes a stanger Generalization intensifies. Father becomes a stanger Girl 1 Girl 2

31. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Intensifies Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Men are unfamiliar Generalization intensifies. Men are unfamiliar Girl 1 Girl 2 Girlfriend

32. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Solidifies Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Men are objectified- curious-sexualized Girl 1 Girl 2 Girlfriend Grandma

33. Unhealthy Relationship Defensive Attachment Solidifies Father Son-1 Son-1 Mother Daughter Son-2 Men are objectified- curious-sexualized Girl 1 Girl 2 Girlfriend Grandma Aunt 1

34. “Detachment” “Orphaning” Cannot Identify With Mother Detach from Mother The Self became “Orphaned” Detached Identity Detached Self Seeking Attachment Same-Gender Attachment

35. Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999 Mother-Daughter Separation: IndividuationMother-Daughter Separation: Individuation Father-Daughter Attachment: Gender-Identity “Confirmation” processFather-Daughter Attachment: Gender-Identity “Confirmation” process –“I am not mother, but I am myself as a wanted girl” Father-Daughter Detachment: ConfusionFather-Daughter Detachment: Confusion Mother-Daughter Attachment-EnmeshmentMother-Daughter Attachment-Enmeshment –Defensive Attachment: “I am wanted as a girl” –“I am not mother, so I must not be like her” Rejects Gender-Identity with mom for Individuation

36. Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999 Imprinting: An Opportune-Window of time for Gender Identity to take placeImprinting: An Opportune-Window of time for Gender Identity to take place –Successful attainment: Secure Gender Identity –Attainment failure: Incomplete Gender Identity When Imprinting period is passed, child becomes more vulnerable in Gender IdentityWhen Imprinting period is passed, child becomes more vulnerable in Gender Identity Non-Gender-Imprinted child: Seeks attainment indiscriminately due to desperation: MotherNon-Gender-Imprinted child: Seeks attainment indiscriminately due to desperation: Mother

37. Fathers’ Characteristics Inexperience-Distracted: “Teenage Dads”Inexperience-Distracted: “Teenage Dads” –Dads’ orphaned, fostered, disconnected –Dad’s role was insignificant: “ego-centric” Having children “Out-of Wedlock”Having children “Out-of Wedlock” Physically abusivePhysically abusive –Fear-Shame-Blame based “Parenting” –Sexual-Genital based teasing: “Put-Downs” Survival: Dads’ Identity at expense of sonSurvival: Dads’ Identity at expense of son

38. Mother’s Characteristics Inexperience: “Teenage Moms” ImmatureInexperience: “Teenage Moms” Immature –Husband unable to meet her Emotional Needs –Her role is not involved enough: “Grandma” Having children “Out-of Wedlock”Having children “Out-of Wedlock” Emotional Enmeshment: “Favorite Child”Emotional Enmeshment: “Favorite Child” –Unable to help sons-daughters detach from her –Sexual-Boundary Exposure: Intended or not Survival: Mom’s identity at expense of kidsSurvival: Mom’s identity at expense of kids

39. Stage 2 (Kindergarten to Elementaty) Social Same-Gender Attachment Polarization-Strengthening Process –Gender Identity Opposite Gender seen as a threat –Clear Limits Boundaries across gender lines Gender Stereotyping: Hair-cut, clothes, toys, Same-Gender familiarity preferred

40. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Stage 2 (Kindergarten to Primary School) Parents and teacher need to be in cooperation Prevent GID child from ridicule & bullying No cross-dressing for to please Mother’s desires Same-Gender Parent influence: Acceptance Dad: Spend more time with son: Gender specific Mom: Spend more time with daughter: Gender specific

41. Picture Credit: Janelle Ching, used by permission (Dr. & Mrs. Stephen & Lisa Ching, 2002)

43. Stage 3 (Elementary to Middle School) Social Same-Gender Attachment Physical Gender Identity Differentiation –Pre-Puberty Gender Ambiguity –Masculine Features: Security vs. Insecurity –Feminine Features: Security vs. Insecurity Acceptance vs. Rejection of Body –Body Discomfort of troubled children

44. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Stage 3 (Elementary to Middle School) Boys: Dads aligns with son to protects them Girls: Dads able to relate to daughters, Mom is considered strong person, avoid being victims of sexual abuse by close family members

45. “I was raped when I was 14”! Being Woman is Weakness Rejecting Female Gender in order to Feel Safe Lesbianism: A Way to be Strong - In Control An Unhealthy Way to Cope With Abuse

46. Stage 4 (Middle to High School) Social Same-Gender Attachment Self-affirmation & acceptance: –Girls: Make-up & clothes –Boys: Power & strength: Sports & work-out Interest & Curiosity over opposite gender –“Puppy Love”: Dating begins Affirmation through opposite sex peers –Comfort with opposite sex peers

47. “Not One of the Girls” Not Identify With Girls 1.Feel Different 2.Detached from Peers Members (same age) Unable to Gender Identify with Female 3.To Seek Clear Identity Be Opposite of Peers

48. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Stage 4 (Middle to High School) Focus is with the children, not only parents Same-gender peer acceptance is important Boys: Athletics potential, self-acceptance of body, reduce individual sports, team work Girls: Make-ups practices, dresses, girl-play

49. Stage 5 (High school to College) Social Opposite-Gender Attachment Security in self-affirmation & acceptance: –Girls: Less self-conscious & preoccupation –Boys: Power & strength: Sports & work-out More matured interest over opposite gender –Steady Dating begins Affirmation through opposite sex peers –Comfort with opposite sex peers

50. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Stage 5 (High school to College) Boys: Reduce Same-sex sexual fantasies, increase same-sex non-sexual relationships Girls: Reduce codependent same-sex emotional relationships, find a male mentor (teacher, coach), resolve conflicts with dad and mourn abuse issues with self or mom

51. Stage 6 (Beyond College & Marriage) Navigate a mutually nurturing committed relationship through Marriage & Parenting Marital Relationship Can merge without threat of over-crowding Can be autonomous without fear of abandonment Parenting Relationship Can affirm gender of same-sex children Can affirm gender of opposite-sex children

52. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Stage 6 (Beyond College & Marriage) Refer to mental health professional Specific personal addiction issues Men: Sexual addiction (Internet, gay sex) Women: Emotional-Relational addiction

53. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Gender Identity Disorder is an Identity problem and not a sexual disorder per se While sexual issues are symptoms, the key to treatment is not only sexual in focus The focus is in the area of Gender security development Boys: Masculine Identity Security Girls: Feminine Identity Security

54. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Intervention strategy is different for each age group Younger the child The easier & more effective is the treatment It is most important to diagnose early Average referral is three and a half year-old Remember: Most are victims of sexual abuse

55. Therapeutic Approaches to Treatment of GID Specific Hong Kong Issues Absentee Fathers & Depressed Mothers –Detachment-Rejection of Father & significant males –Detachment-Rejection of Mother & significant females –Increased of Gender Confused male & female children –Increased of GID boys and girls Filipina maids: At-risk-boys –Women’s emotional dominance: Detachment –Ambivalence toward male gender: Teasing & touching –Intentional or “casual” sexual exploitation & abuses

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